a very sweet life

A New View - 2012

2012-01-02T12:19:00.001-06:00

The time has come to say farewell to the blogging world for a wee while.
Not sure how long the hiatus will be, or what else will be borne in its place.
Only 2012 will tell :).

So I leave you with a few parting words....

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields and,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
- Irish Blessings of the Wind, v.1

Numbers 6:24-26

Thank you for sharing this journey with me :).

Blessings,

Intentional living

2011-12-31T00:08:00.000-06:00

The clock is inching ever closer to New Years.
The one night of the year when I might be tucked in bed, sleeping peacefully, by 11 ;).
It's not that I'm a party-pooper, per se.
It's just that, between Christmas festivities, and an almost-maniacal attempt to organize the house (I get a little buzzy about things like that after a busy time!), I am all partied out for a little while.
Say, till the next birthday.
Or the next snow day.
Or the next thank-you-Jesus-for-this-great-day Day. And those happen from time to time, and bursts of it throughout my days. God is good :).

I'm all about intentional living. I review things periodically, tweak here and there (in some cases, nothing short of a personal overhaul is in order!!) and truly desire to live life with a God-focus.

But, as new years creeps closer, along with the resolution list, I find myself chuckling....

Here are the Top Ten things I could never resolve to do, because simply.... I just couldn't.....

10. Get my heiny in bed before 10pm every night for a week. Friends, I can't even do this one night! It would be ~~good~~ ~~great~~ ~~spectacular~~ ~~splendiforous~~ wise for me to create that habit, but alas, I am a night-owl and a morning person rolled into one and I treasure my afternoon naps like gold (so does my family ;P).

9. Give up coffee. Probably not ever. I twitch just thinking about :). Come mighty close when I'm pregnant, but I'm not and so it's almost .... unthinkable!!

8. Checking the calendar on a daily basis. I like to think of it more as a ..... frequent consultation rather than a daily obligation. Consequently, Jon has occasionally reminded me.... not to forget .... appointments .... and I've had therapy people show up here .... with me totally and completely unprepared!! And first I scold Diggy for going off like a third-degree alarm bell, until I realize..... riiiiggghhht. Company. At least I could serve them coffee, right :P?

7. Completely kick the comparison habit thing. I've tried, I tell ya, I've tried. And honestly, I think I'm getting better at giving it the 'ole heave-ho when I see it lingering. But sometimes, it's sneaky. And I'll find myself comparing and comin' up awful short and feeling kinda crummy (sometimes awfully crummy) .... until I realize... girl, this is bad form ;). Sometimes this is easy. Sometimes.... not.

6. Give up snow. I just can't. I love it. Not for 10 months out of a 12-month calendar, mind you, but I'm ready for a doozy of a snow storm. Especially since I got two cozy pairs of slippers for christmas, and several pounds of coffee from Ten Thousand Villages. I'm alllll set to go :).

5. Say no to the thrill of an adventure. Whether it's an outing with the girls (and I can honestly say, some of those are quite .... interesting....) or a family excursion.... there's something to be said for packing everyone up and trying something new. Of course, before we had kids and could actually sleep at night ;) I had a bit more energy in the reserve for things like this. And often I do tend to put the brakes on before getting caught up in the enthusiasm of the moment. But hey, the more the merrier, and what I lack in zest I get oodles of in memories!

4. Give up words. I use 'em all the time. Ya know those meals at camp where you weren't supposed to say a THING --- like a monk meal --- those were h.a.r.d. for me ;). But it's more than speaking. I love journaling and discovering story through song and learning how to listen. Sometimes silence is divine, and the older I get the more I drive in the vehicle with the radio OFF. But, especially in silence, there is much to be heard.

3. Quit running on my own clock. I've said it before. And I'm working on it and have seen some vast improvements over the years. But I will probably never be the early bird ;). Not often, anyways!!

2. Forgo my tendency to collect little treasures from MCC. Our MCC is the best ever. Not too crowded, really quite tidy. And there is almost always a little gem to take home. Most of my purchases are totally reasonable (not like I'm high on the thrill of something new and take it home only to wonder what on earth was I really thinking ????) and the money is going for something GOOD. But since we've discovered the gold at MCC, we visit frequently :).

1. It's late, and I'm not sure what else I could not give up. Probably silly things like vacuuming the carpets in straight lines, having tidy piles (they may be piles, but at least they're lined up!), my compulsion to have everything in the fridge in its right "spot" (and yes, I will shuffle it around if things are askew!), my tendency to think out loud (this can be a bit of a problem-causer though, and perhaps worthy of further review!), or my slippers in just the right spot at the side of my bed (hey, I'm up often at night, I need to know where they are ;P).

There ya have it.
Happy New Years.
Happy January 1.
Greetings 2012.

There are many things that I will embrace for this year. But likely, these are not them ;).

And here I sit, sipping tea :)

2011-12-22T11:28:00.002-06:00

In a season overflowing with the abundance of good things, today is a lovely quiet day in the midst of the swirl.
A day of not rushing,
of sneaked-in snuggles,
of exploring a few of the new things we've been given, of watching Wee One toss her blankie on Diggy's head and squeal with delight (it's like unwrapping a gift over and over and over --- Diggy is a saint already, if dogs are given such status, for all he's lovingly endured over the years!!),
of lingering at the computer with a cup of tea. In the morning! Imagine!!

Every year there is a tension between all the things I'd love to do and all the time and energy with which to do them :) (oh and this is not just a christmas time phenomenon --- there is always a TON of projects I'd like to try, and only a select few ever get attempted :P.... even fewer are ... ahem ... successful!). There are a few handmade lovelies awaiting their finishing touches. Precious time spent with precious neighbors, family and friends. Gift-hunting expeditions (some easier than others!) that are also about making memories as we hunt and seek :). Christmas plays, Boney M christmas carols played over and over and over and over (I've added others to the playlist to help round it out a bit, but these are the ones Little M frequently chooses!!) .... and the occasional christmas baking too.

Yesterday was a sweet milestone. Celebrating Little M's 6th birthday. Tuesday night, at midnight, as has become a yearly tradition, I am cleaning home and decorating cake. Wondering.... is this reasonable? Is it worth it :)? Is sleep not more important :)? But, as Wednesday dawned, excitement set in and we enjoyed having commotion in our home :).

The wisdom of Ecclesiastes 3 speaks to me -- and reminds me that there is a time for everything.
There is a time for hustle and bustle.
There is a time for quiet and rest.
Both are good, and necessary, in balance ;).

My cup of tea is gone. Actually, the whole pot is finished! Yikes, I suspect the caffeine will hit me anytime now.

May you find time to linger today.

2011-12-09T00:10:00.001-06:00

A favorite.
Just wanted to share.

"10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord)"

[Chorus]

Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning

It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me

Let me be singing when the evening comes

[Chorus]

Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger

Your name is great, and Your heart is kind

For all Your goodness I will keep on singing

Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

[Chorus]

Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

And on that day when my strength is failing

The end draws near and my time has come

Still my soul will sing Your praise unending

Ten thousand years and then forevermore

[Chorus x2]

Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name

Lord, I'll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name

I'll worship Your holy name

Spec-tacular review!!

2011-12-02T14:22:00.000-06:00

A while ago already I began wanting new glasses. At several hundred dollars a pop though, I wasn't about to rush out and buy myself some "just because." During the kid-wrestling matches we have here during the evenings (our kids get increasingly wound up between dinner and bed-time --- are we the only ones ;P???), I hoped that someone would sit and my head and break my glasses (it's happened before!!) ---- but it didn't work out that way this time.

It was time to take measures into my own hands.
And no, I did not "accidentally" sit on my own glasses!

I really wanted to try ordering glasses online through Zenni Optical --- and this was a project I began back in ...oh, say MAY.
First I needed to get my eyes checked (a story in and of itself.... some back windowless room at the local walmart.... they only accepted cash.... the "eye checker" machine was really a brief case full of these little spectacle lenses.... and apparently my eyes have "improved" since having babies........). CHECK.
Then I start sorting through the various options. Because it takes me forever to finish anything, this was a very long process. Narrowed it down, delete delete delete, more selections, more deleting.... finally CHECK.
Then I needed to have my pupil distance, which you can do yourself, but knowing my success with the details of life, decided to wait until I could get it from the Pearle Vision office where I've bought my glasses over the past 10 years. They give it to me for free. CHECK CHECK (most places charge you +$20!).

Then I procrastinated ordering them because I was afraid it would just all fail miserably and I'd have blown $45. CDN. For two pairs of glasses (includes anti-glare AND shipping!).

Finally I just did it already.
Sheesh.

I've never really liked my previous pair of glasses. I bought them because I wanted to try something other than the wire rims I've known since ....oh, grade FIVE. I'd never get them again. They were heavy, impossible to adjust, a bit too much for my face, and very very shief to start off with (that's pronounced "shife" and it's "low german" for just a little bit off.) It required several trips to the shop for adjustments, which was really annoying.

I settled on a pair of semi-rim glasses and full-rim glasses. I like the look of the semi-rims, but Jon isn't a huge fan, so since I was getting two ;) ... thought I'd get the full rims as well. They are also a bit sturdier (as far as glasses go!!) and better for around the house.

The verdict??? Although I like them both, and I'll definitely wear them, I wasn't sold on them at first. The quality is definitely reflected in the prices. I think they felt really flimsy because I was used to the previous solid chunkers. Now that my eyes have adjusted (and I don't walk around feeling like I've binged on too much holiday "egg nog,") I'm really starting to get used to them. The semi-rims fit much better than the full-rims, which required 2 pliers and 45 uninterrupted minutes to sit straight(er). I will still have them professionally adjusted next time I go to Winnipeg!!!

My previous "experiment"....

And a few "blasts from the past"!!!! I am not "posing" so much as trying to show off the duct tape embellishment added to these (favorite, but alas non-functional) navy wire-rims. Sweet K sat on my head and they snapped like a twig!! (You can see why I was hoping that would happen again!!)

We had a blast with these specs!!! MY SECOND PAIR OF FRAMES (And I am not even kidding --- though I really wish I was ;) --- I keep almost everything from anytime in life, for some odd reason.) I finally graduated these specs when I was in COLLEGE. HOW TERRIBLE IS THAT!????! Are they not glamorous!!?

Special kudos to my little photographer. Who took many random shots in between the "photo shoot."

AND, I am thrilled to announce, I Picassa has FINALLY put out a program for Mac users.
It is a bit too much fun. I fear I may spend more time tinkering with pictures again!!!

Little Passionista!

2011-11-28T15:40:00.000-06:00

Soon, my little passionista will be a year and a half old. The time of transition and learning and loving has flown right by. Already she walks and runs and climbs (everything!). She talks and kisses and comforts me with her "pat pat". She says "luv woo" and can go from tears to laughter in less than a blink.

She's passionate.

She's vibrant.

Her name means "Defender of mankind".

We are smitten, to say the least ;).

Words To Live By: Ephesians 3:20 (MSG)

2011-11-26T08:11:00.001-06:00

Came across this truth nugget in my readings today.
Wrote it down to stick on the fridge.
Thought I'd share it here too....

God can do anything, you know—
far more than you could ever
imagine
or guess
or request
in your wildest dreams!

He does it
not by pushing us around
but
by working within us,
his Spirit deeply
and gently
within us.

~ Ephesians 3:20

Amen.

Bumper sticker moments

2011-11-24T22:16:00.000-06:00

It's the oddest things, sometimes, that will have me burst out laughing.
Out loud.
By myself :).

Like the other day, when I was scurrying around our living area, trying to balance supper prep, the last round of diaper changes until bedtime, tidying a few toys up so that there was space to walk, letting the dog out, and then back in, and then possibly out and back in again ;). Little M was likely asking me to look at something, quite possibly a dance routine because we're really sorta into that thing around here these days. Sweet K was likely chasing Wee One around and around and Wee One was likely lookin' for the next climbing adventure. Because that's what she likes to do. A lot. Nothing is off limits.

Anyway. I probably also had the radio going, because I am a sucker for lots of noise, and hoping for some heartfelt inspiration to get through until the end of the day. Jon was going to walk in the door any minute.

It was life in its chaotic loveliness and I just couldn't help but LAUGH as I thought of a bumper sticker my mom said her college friend used to have on the back of her little car....

Or, in that year after Sweet K was born, and there were so many doctor appointments. Packing up two small kids, heading down town, on winter roads, was a bit of a challenge, particularly when all I wanted was to be at home, where things felt safe and secure. There were a lot of tears and much anxiety.

I was off to one of those appointments. Hadn't given myself time to spare (of course!) and then ---- serious traffic issues. Like C'MON people! Don't ya'll have JOBS during this time of the morning!? We can't ALL be rushing off to the same hospital at the same time!!

Anxiety, by this point, was ringing some serious alarm bells.
Breathing was an issue (do not hyperventilate do not hyperventilate do not....) and I began talking to myself.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see this bumper sticker....

In spite of myself, I burst out laughing.
Sort of. In a tense sorta kinda way.
"AHHHH. Jesus wouldn't have left 10 minutes late!!!" I said out loud :).

May you find much laughter today, smack in the midst of life, with all its mayhem and surprise!

Stay ... stay ... stay... stay.... stayin' alive!!

2011-11-18T21:11:00.001-06:00

If you were to ask me how teaching-at-home is going, I'd give you rave reviews!!
I think we're into a rhythm that is working well for us.
Ohhhh, we have our moments, but all in all I think it's going well.
What a gift to embark on such an adventure at this time.

HOWEVER.
Yes. There is a BUT.
Balancing schooling.... homework.... housework.... an occasional visit.... and personal refreshment is a challenge!
PHEW!
Until just recently, I felt myself simply shutting out many things that I've found enjoyable over the years.
Reading. Too much thinking at the end of a long day.
Writing. Mind is too mushy at the end of a day.
Crocheting. Focus is required and that is lacking at the end of a day ;)
Scrapbooking. That would mean that I would have to clear off the desk in the "Black Room" (a post for another day) and that is too much work at the end of a day
Blogging. Hmmm. That too requires thinking. And reading. And possibly writing. Issues all around at the end of a day!!!

I'd add exercise to the list, but **sigh** can't say I've added that to the "list of enjoyable activities" for quite some time ;). Maybe some day :)???

Admittedly, it has taken me a while to find that transitional footing once again.
Creating room for things that bring a creative zest to life.
And I'm finding that some of what was once energizing has now changed.
An intriguing journey.
Finding balance at any stage of life is a challenge to be sure.
Yet it is coming and I find hope in the learning and letting go.
And in the mean time, finding ways to Stay Alive!!

If you need a chuckle, check out these fellows from the '70s. YIKES!!

The RIDE!

2011-10-07T00:13:00.001-05:00

The Ride. Saturday, October 2.

It was a gorgeous, sunny morning.

The wind, a fierce competitor :).

However, our motley group assembled at the designated meeting space at a crisp 8am; personally I did have a cup of coffee in hand :).

We were excited and ready to get going!

In total, our team raised $5,205.00, 60% of which will go directly to CPC for doppler equipment and ultrasounds through Baby Moon. $3,123 can go a long long way (and save a lot of lives, too!).

The Winnipeg Ride itself brought in over $62,000!!

While I pedaled my humble little bicycle, borrowed helmet and all, I thought about a few things...

1. How goodgoodgoodgood it felt to be out first thing in the morning (yes, brisk wind and all!), with the sun shining and the blood pumping. When working at camp one summer, I discovered the beauty of the early morning. I've been hooked ever since! I was thankful to be able to enjoy it outside :). I drove through as many crunchy leaf piles as I could. Sheer delight!! Once a kid, always a kid!!

2. Lately, Jon & I have been hedging around the topic of finding a different home --- not a different community, but a different home. Not any time soon, though before our Wee One needs a bedroom (right now she camps out in the living room in her play pen!!!). I'm thinking --- nope --- love it right where I am. I'm sure there are accommodations we could make. But such talk has gotten me thinking about how dreadful, how utterly awful, it would be to be displaced. Wandering. Invaded. Exiled. Shunned. Some of the money raised in this ride will go to help people who live and breathe that reality.

3. As much as I love my little family (and I thoroughly adore each and every one of them), I thought about how good it felt to have a wee break. And then I thought of the moms, particularly the single moms, who do not have that luxury. Who slug through the ups and downs of parenting, day in, day out. Alone. A lot of money we raised will go to help support moms who desperately need a kind word, a shoulder to lean on, a place to have their voice heard.

A place to tell their story.

A place to begin a new one.

On the iPod that morning....

Let God Arise, Chris Tomlin

Here Is Our King, David Crowder Band

Everlasting God, Chris Tomlin

O Praise Him, David Crowder Band

Bubbly, Colbie Caillat

Smile, Uncle Kracker

Our Team Troopers!! 6-year-olds with a heart to make a difference!!

The end of the ride came way to soon, a mere 35 minutes later.

Next year, I'd love to try the 25km.

Just to see what happens :).

However, the ending was really only the beginning.

Awareness is one thing; what you do with it altogether another.

** Special thanks to my sweet friend Ruth and her husband Brian for the pics :). They are both fabulous shutterbugs!!!

On the iPod: Let God Arise, Chris Tomlin

2011-09-21T10:32:00.002-05:00

I bought this song off of iTunes the other day.
I cannot listen to it and NOT do something!
The other day, no kidding, I went for a walk and ended up RUNNING from our home to the other end of town!!
And I am in. no. way. a runner.
Never have been.
Never will be.
But, somehow, this song just calls for a response!!

Hear the holy roar of God resound
Watch the waters part before us now
Come and see what He has done for us
Tell the world of His great love
---
His enemies will run for sure
The church will stand, she will endure
He holds the keys of life, our Lord
Death has no sting, no final word
Let God ARISE!!

2011-09-16T21:01:00.000-05:00

Hello friends!

Only FIFTEEN more sleeps until I get the privilege of participating in the Ride for Refuge :).

In case you're wondering....

1. 40% of the funds raised will go towards Ride for Refuge.

What does that mean?

It means the money will from this portion will go to fund projects that deal specifically with:

Relief & Aid: Direct aid for catastrophe, war and oppression

Development & Reconstruction: Direct or third-party NGO support for development and reconstruction initiatives including microfinance and sustainable funding

Food & Water: Programs supporting nutrition, food banks, missions and accessible water

Shelter & Housing: Any shelter whether temporary, permanent, or expansion

Medial & Dental: Treatment, follow-up care including HIV, pediatrics, pain management and all necessary supplies

Education & Tuition: Job skills, trades, ESL, career, tuition support and Biblical curriculum and training

Settlement & Acclimation: New arrival support, training and financial aid

Counsel & Legal: Spiritual counseling, development, discipleship, care for post-traumatic stress syndrome, and immigration and refugee claim legal counsel

for the specifics on how the money is distributed, please check out the website at: http://www.rideforrefuge.org/canada

2. 60% of the funds raised will go towards the Winnipeg Crisis Pregnancy Centre.

Juergen Severloh, the executive director at WCPC, has (with hearty hope and enthusiasm!!) indicated that any money we raise from this cyclothon will go to purchasing doplar machine (or two or three!!).

What does a doplar do?

Think first stages of pregnancy.

Listening for that first magical heartbeat.

For some, this is the first real connection that they have with understanding that their baby is a real live being.

It may be the only bond they create with their unborn child.

It may save the life of a newborn baby.

It may also save the life of a mother who will not have to live with the life-long ramifications of abortion.

Any extra money not used to purchase doplar equipment will go to funding ultrasounds through Baby Moon.

In order to split the raised money between RFR and CPC, we need a minimum of $2000 for our team.

Check out my team page for more details, to see where we're at, or to donate a little to a GREAT cause!!

A story to tell...

2011-09-15T22:48:00.002-05:00

Once upon a time there were three little girls....

Who LOVED to play dress up!!

For the past several weeks, Sweet K has been walking around declaring I DA KING!!
She often has a blanket tied around her little shoulders :).

The oldest gal was looking forward to taking dancing lessons with her pretty new dancing dress.

The middle gal wanted one too .... only it took her mama a long long while to find out what her precious little heart desired.

Many different articles of clothing were offered, but none of them were perfect --- what she wanted in her heart of hearts was a dancing dress of her very OWN.

The first day of ballet class arrived. The oldest gal got all dolled up.

Finally FINALLY it dawned on mama to pull out a smaller costume, smaller slippers --- and there was instant bliss.

And suddenly, TWO ballerinas!!

Now, only the oldest daughter is ready for formal lessons, but the middle daughter watches in awe --- yes, still wearing her adorable costume, SHOES AND ALL --- (running back to mama every so often for hugs and gentle reassurances) and maybe some day will be ready for her own turn.

Until then, we'll all work on those lady-like skills ;).

Oh yes. This story had THREE girls.

Here is the third sweetness herself.

Never to be outdone.

She could run circles around us all!!!

PS - we got quite a few smiles as I took my ballerinas to Bigway to buy milk after dance class!!

The Deal With The Wheels...

2011-08-30T14:41:00.000-05:00

Ahem. I have a small confession to make.
Actually, I probably have several I could scrounge up, but we'll leave it at this for now....
I never EVER wear a bike helmet.
We're all about safety first over here, and kids wear helmets and all that, but in this one teeny tiny area, I've not been one to set the example.
I don't like helmets.
I personally don't OWN a helmet.
But now I have to find one!

WHY!?

This year I get to PARTICIPATE in the Ride for Refuge.
Ever heard of it?
Well, I hadn't either, until last year.
Until my sweet neighbor invited me to bike along, but just having had a baby and focusing very hard to trying to maintain my sensibilities, I cheered her on from the sidelines instead ;).
Here's their 2010 promo video....

HOWEVER. This year I get to grab my wheels (and, sigh, a helmet :P) and join in the biking fun. We'll be cycling in Winnipeg on October 1.

WHY ?? You ask?

One. Awareness. It's soooo easy for me to forget. To go about my business. To not stop, to not care, to turn and walk away instead of stopping to look need in the eye. It's one teeny tiny way for me to get involved in something so much bigger, to contribute in some way, to remember.

Two. We're raising money. Most of the proceeds we raise will go to support the Winnipeg Crisis Pregnancy Centre. These fine folks are doing the best they can to love, support, nurture and care for other fine folks who find themselves in life's difficult circumstances. They all need our prayer. Our care. And a little bit of cash goes a long, long way too.

Three. We're raising money :). A portion of the proceeds will go into the Ride for Refuge fund ---

Uprooted by war and political conflict, marginalized by gender discrimination and racial prejudice, and abused by the powerful - those who are displaced, vulnerable, and exploited urgently need our protection, especially women and children.

The Ride for Refuge helps churches and charities fund and promote their work with people who are displaced, vulnerable, and exploited. These include:

Displaced:

Refugees and Internally Displaced Peoples (claimants and sponsored)

Migrant Families (economically displaced and migrant workers)

Indigenous and First Nations People

Vulnerable

Widows (men & women)

Orphans (single-parent, abandoned and street kids)

Homeless (urban or rural poor)

Abused (elderly, spousal, kids)

Exploited

Human Trafficking (child & adult)

Sex-trade (child & adult)

Labor (child, bonded, forced marriage, child soldiers)

Wanna join in the fun!?
YOU CAN!
You can grab a bike. You can raise $$.
You can contribute $$.
You can come and be a part of the adventure on October 1 (ride starts at 9).

Click HERE if you want to sign up and/or contribute $$!

I'll let you know how it goes.
The last time I participated in a bike-a-thon, I was going into grade eight, biked 148 kms, had a very sore behind, and great calf muscles for the next two years!!!
I'm a bit older now, starting off with the 10k bike (25k and 50k to come :P?), and suspect my calf muscles could use the work out!!

And now --- off to find a helmet!

A Wrestle I Never Thought I'd Have...

2011-08-14T23:13:00.001-05:00

It started the morning I dropped Little M off at Kindergarten for the first time.
By this time, next year, we'll be home-schooling.
What!
WHAT!??
Where on EARTH did that come from!?

Keeping in mind that I was sleep-deprived AND post-partum ;), I just assumed that the hormones were playing havoc with my mind (again!) and entertained these ideas as a way of coping with the whole transition. And so entertain them I did, for a while.

Then, while walking home from school one day, we chatted with a friend who was teaching their kids at home. They were all excited about a chrysalis that had been discovered in their backyard. They had brought it inside and were waiting for for the butterfly to make it's grand appearance.
Chrysalis? CHRYSALIS!?
Seriously, I don't even know what one looks like, let alone where to find one. Even if I DID manage to recognize one, I would never think to bring it into the house for observation. Then and there I mourned, immediately deciding that if my poor children were taught at home, they would be completely and utterly deprived of any sort of real education whatsoever.

I simply let the matter drop.

I love this quote from the movie Inception:
Cobb: What is the most resilient parasite? A bacteria? A virus? An intenstinal worm? An idea. Resilient, highly contajous. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to iradicate. An idea that is fully formed, fully understood. That sticks, right in there somewhere.
[he points to his head]

This idea had lodged itself deeper than I had imagined. Later that fall, while shopping for christmas gifts, I ran into a friend who had been working on the same college degree as I was a few years ago. We'd clicked, and had both contemplated pursuing our masters degree in counseling. She excitedly told me about another route that she had taken in order to obtain her dream -- and strongly encouraged me to consider the same. I became excited -- very very excited. I shared the conversation with Jon, and he was able to locate the appropriate information for me (being a high school guidance counselor and all, this is very handy!). Maybe not for another year, or two, but definitely worth considering.

But even as my heart pondered this, I could feel it stirring. The idea.
What about teaching your children from home?

It became increasingly clear that this was something I needed to pray about further. And not just as a way of coping with the changes, but as a serious consideration. The more I prayed about it, the more the LORD began to reveal and refine - the more I wrestled with motivations, values, assumptions, fear. In this I began to long more and deeper for the LORD's best in our lives at this time.

Very quickly I began to encounter obstacles.
My husband was totally not enthusiastic about this idea at all.
I really appreciate our local school, and wondered what it would be like to not be a part of it.
I thought that the only home-school group in town was full, and I knew I did not want to do this on my own.
I'd begin thinking, maybe, just maybe, and we'd have a horrible week and I wanted to wave the white flag of surrender and thought there is just no way.

But the prayer and research continued. The more I discovered, the more it was confirmed in my heart. A day away to contemplate and pray sealed the deal --- LORD, it would be an honor for me to teach my children at home, however You will need to work out the details. I will not manipulate. I will not demand. You, and only You can do the heart work necessary for this to work.

After a conversation with Jon, we began to explore. He was more open to this than I'd initially thought. (Which, honestly, perplexed me a little because now it meant I REALLY had to consider what felt like a BIG risk!) Over time we carefully sought information, I spoke to hardly no one at all about this since I wanted no one to influence what the LORD was doing in my heart. We outlined a few steps that we needed to take before closing the door (or walking through an open invitation!).

Purchased a used curriculum online to peruse - check
Received confirmation that the Co-op would welcome us - check
Had many many many (many many) conversations about what about this, what about that, and this, or that, and have you thought of this, did you seriously consider that - check check and check!!
I think the thoroughness that I had given this surprised Jon (pleasantly!) and I felt so free, knowing that I didn't have to convince him. I just needed to be honest about what I was feeling and discovering and the LORD would do the rest.

Until this very weekend, I honestly had no idea which way the pendulum would swing. I have wrestled through so many misgivings. I really really like the elementary school. Love the sense of camaraderie and community. Enjoy the variety and diversity. Recognize that not every lesson can be taught in the home. I have struggled with how this would impact Little M, and each of her sisters. Would I have the energy to do this to the best of my ability? Sweet K requires more attention than a typical 4-year-old ... could I do both well?

And on. And on.

We finally came to the conclusion that it is best for us to teach Little M from home this year, quite likely the next and possibly a third. We'll see. I say: for the next foreseeable season, she's at home. Sweet K will continue to go to preschool one afternoon a week so that we can continue to build her case for requiring one-on-one assistance when she enters school (we are planning to send her next year, for her educational needs outweigh what I can give her at this point). How this will all play out --- I'm not even worried about it. I don't have all the answers, and I'm okay with that. If we've come this far, those details will become clear as we need them. For now we can focus on what we know, what we feel, what we believe.

It is good.

At some point we do want her in public school, as we both feel she will likely learn lessons there that we simply cannot teach her here. I look forward to getting involved with volunteering at that time, leading a Discovery class, assisting where needed in a classroom, helping with activities. Building community connections. I will miss that now, but know that a season is coming again when that will be a possibility.

If the tide had turned, and I'd be shopping for school supplies (which, incidentally I have to do anyway!) and packing her back pack and making sure all things were ready to go --- the journey would still have been worth it. I cannot explain how much I've learned, how much I've wrestled, and even how Jon & I have learned to communicate. It has not at all been easy, and comparable to the wrestle we had when deciding whether or not to have a third baby. Tough stuff.

But seeking out God's best is ALWAYS worth it.
You just never know which adventure is awaiting on the horizon!!

Cuckoo Bananas...

2011-08-11T21:02:00.001-05:00

Yup. I can feel it.
We're at that half-way summertime hump.
You know. That hump.
That --- "the hot humid days are really bad for hair," the control issues in me surface and I long for more a bit more routine, and my emotional ability to handle sandbox sand in the house grows increasingly slim --- hump.

It's actually an annual milestone for me, and I've come to expect it.
I am no longer surprised by my quick peek at the sweaters pile in the closet, my freakish tendencies to make lists about everything, or that hyperventilating feeling I get when trying to pack a somewhat creative (but usually pretty standard) picnic lunch.
I usually combat it by snuggling in for a nap.
Nothing like a little sleep to restore perspective :).

A quick snooze after a morning of all-out playing fun!!

It's right around this time that I gaze nostalgically at ripening wheat, canola and flax fields. Growing up on a farm, we knew that the long summer days were running out and we'd be back in the classroom (and surrounded by friends!) shortly. I am still invigorated by the sight of farm equipment clearing a field as I recall the Harvest Buzz around our childhood home. Picnics on the field. Visits to Grandma's while my mom worked alongside my dad.

It's right about now that I start to look at fall, how responsibilities will fit in and around family life, learning what to say "yes" to (and what to say "no" to).

And it's right about now that I embrace the sun-soaked mayhem a little longer, take a deep breath and enjoy that last stretch of summer.

And, just maybe, sneak a little snack. :)

Caught in the act of sneaking a sugar snap pea fresh from the garden

Choses J'adore

2011-08-04T22:48:00.000-05:00

Choses J'adore sounds so much more refined and learned than the English translation... things I adore. Not to be sneaky about it -- I used an online translation tool for this! I do NOT have a gift for learning additional languages. In fact, as a youngster, I even boycotted Sesame Street when it went bilingual!!! Since then, I have set my language-snobbery ways aside, and have (through sheer force of the public school system) studied German and also (totally voluntarily, which makes ALL the difference) dabbled in Greek.

However, this just sounds so lovely, I could almost consider studying french ;).

Anyway. Choses J'adore.

This summer is the first in many many that I've actually paid any attention whatsoever to my gardens. Well, that's not entirely true either. Every year I have planted flowers and veggies. Every year I have enjoyed, to some degree, the fruits of both. However, due to the delightful absence of post-partum blues, a remarkably enjoyable lack of anxiety resulting from child-related doctor appointments, and time around the home (when I worked full time away from home - because now I work more than full time AT home ;) - our holidays were always spent traveling. Three weeks. On the road. With only a tent and a sunfire-sized trunk full of supplies. Ohhhhh the stories we could tell!!!) I'd say this is the first year I've actually truly enjoyed the work of gardening.

1. The first step was to purge the gimpy soaker hoses that were not at all doing a good job. What was meant to save time and energy, as well as conserve water, ended up to be a colossal waste of money. WOULD have been a colossal waste of money, however my financially super-smart husband saved all receipts and we were able to return the gimpy, useless hoses for a full refund. (Note to self: go to Canadian Tire website and make sure you write appropriately negative reviews for faulty products. Of which we have tried several. All of which. Gimpy.) I whipped out a sprinkler, and really, aside from running out every 30 minutes (which, let's face it, is good exercise and gets you outdoors, right :P?) is no extra work.
Choses J'adore list - add plenty of SUNSHINE, nicely watered gardens. And yes, exercise. Because THAT has not been a regular priority since Wee One's arrival last summer!!

2. The next step was to evaluate the rock-hard-baked ground that our gardens had become. A quick email fired off to my garden-loving friends revealed to quick, easy, and CHEAP solutions.
- Peat moss. A whole brick. Used in one flower garden. I will do it again next year because the lovely soil is soooo worth it!!
- Sheep poop. We do not fertilize with chemicals, typically (though we do use weed killer). And I'm working on composting, but ahem, my dedication to that lately has been about as faithful as exercise!!! But SHEEP POOP is cheap cheap cheap, easy to spread and oh my goodness. Abundance of greenness. Weeds included.
Choses J'adore list - add quick and easy gardening solutions that yield such noticeable results AND cheap sheep poop.

3. A few fun things that I've added - a $30 bistro set, which some day I will sit at, enjoy a cup of tea, while watching the kids play (now I'm busy keeping little hands from pulling things out of the garden, teaching young ones to stay away from the road, keeping gravel out of little mouths and actually weeding and tending the flowers themselves ;P); a few pots (Jon says I have to keep these pots ALIVE for at least one season before I can even CONTEMPLATE buying new, prettier pots :)...) and a wind chime that I can hear almost every day.
Choses J'adore list - add little things that make life fun - a great deal on a table set, flowers that were purchased on a family outing trip to a local greenhouse, most selected by moi, but some specifically and lovingly chosen by both Jon AND the kids, and the sound of music, whether it is a breeze, a tinkling wind chime, the crickets or a song.

Choses J'adore list - in pictures....

Molly's Mukluks

2011-07-27T15:29:00.001-05:00

When I saw this pattern, I simply could not RESIST giving it a go.
And a go it has been :).
It's probably the most challenging piece I've done, considering it was a pattern from part of a series and I had to figure out some of the stitches without all the pattern information at hand. PLUS, I fell in love with a gorgeous chunky wool that was JUST PERFECT, but not the easiest to crochet with ;).

So, even though there are only two in a set, each boot has been reworked several times, so I feel like I've actually made a couple of pairs!

BUT, it was so worth it.
Aren't they adorable :)?

I got the pattern from CrochetMe - a site offering free and sellable patterns. This particular pattern was from their Baby Series. If you're into stitching, check it out because there are some adorable little patterns there!!!

Now, I am in the process of FINISHING projects before starting up anything new. Because I have a few big projects on the horizon and I'll need time and energy for those. That includes crochet projects. However, I might put together a pattern and just-perfect wool tote for the van, just in case ;).....

I'm BA-ACK!

2011-07-25T14:48:00.000-05:00

Well, that was an unofficial blogging hiatus.
In fact, I was tempted a few times to post this pic...

Except that we haven't really "gone fishing" ...

...We've survived furniture shopping with three girls 5 and under AND managed to decide on a lovely living room furniture set (since we've been married officially, as of yesterday, for twelve years now :P, we figured it was okay to replace our already-been-loved set with something new).

... We DID make it through the McDonald's drive-thru and headed to a park for a picnic. There was so much excitement in the air you'd have thought it was christmas!!! After finding a cool place to park, the kids jumped out of the van. Sweet K did her funky little dance, all the while exclaiming E-SITED E-SITED E-SITED (excited!! excited!! excited!!).

... Thanks to the generous use of Jon's parents motor home, we did survive a long weekend of camping in extreme heat and humidity. Usually we just take a gigantic tent, peg it down good and voila. Camping. However, this particular weekend was hot 'n steamy, MB style, and we were thankful for the reprieve. We had a great weekend of camping with my family. The kids loved playing with the cousins (6 kids, age 5 and younger!), splashing around in the lake, playing with Grandpa G's assortment of water pistols and so on.

In between the outings, we've eaten far too much ice cream :), kept cool with the water sprinkler, and enjoyed an unseasonably hot MB summer (which has been a welcome switch from the previous several rainy and wet and BUG-infested years!!). My flower beds are actually thriving; in fact some of my pots have suffered due to OVERWATERING. This is very unusual. They typically suffer from over-neglect!

We do some hanging out, some visiting with friends, and I'm trying to whittle down the stack of books that I optimistically signed out from the library but haven't had a chance to finish :).

These are sunny, funny lazy days.

And they are delightful :).

Thorns, Blooms and Grace

2011-07-07T14:34:00.000-05:00

I was strolling through the gardens a few nights ago, and noticed something peculiar in my raspberry patch....

Now, as far as I know, lilies are not carried about by seeds.
Maybe they are, I don't know.
However, I do know that I have no idea how this lily bulb got transplanted smack in the middle of my prickly berry patch!

But there it was, blooming away as bright as could be.

And I thought about grace, and how even in life's prickly moments, full of thorns and weeds (you should see my raspberry patch, it has an abundant weed life!!), God's rich grace digs in deep and yields something so beautiful.
Even more breath-taking because of the pain surrounding it.

There have been seasons of life that I'd gladly have side-stepped - altogether uncomfortable and quite difficult. And yet, right in the middle of those pain-filled moments, God stepped in, and in His rich mercy, forged something even more wonderful than I could've imagined.

I am still tempted, sometimes, when I see the storm clouds gathering on life's horizon, to pray for an escape route from the coming storm. And yet, there is a knowing too, that the One who holds me is stronger than the winds that blow.

Rock of Ages, cleft for me
I will hide myself in Thee
Till the storms of life have passed...
And I'm safely home at last.
Rock of Ages, cleft for me
I will hide myself in Thee

Retreat

2011-06-28T14:05:00.002-05:00

Hmmmm. I love a good retreat.

These days, I'd pick a cabin in the woods....

This would come complete with a hot cup of coffee, a lake or river nearby and a hammock nestled close by in the trees. Oh and a stack of really really good books. Oh and NO bugs! My loving family would be more than welcome to come along, but there would be PAQ moments for EVERYONE!!

...or...

a ride in a VW convertible...

Red? Model not included --- ha ha ha!

Or yellow perhaps? Cruising along the California coastline. Again, family is most welcome to come along, as long as we get to listen to my music.... with NO complaints :)!!

...or.... perhaps most realistically...

a trip to a favorite used bookstore which Jon & I discovered a few years ago when we were out and about, footloose and kid-free (they were staying at Grandma & Grandpa's), celebrating our 10-year anniversary :P...

... or try something new (I've only been wanting to go here for a few years now! It's an MCC based used book store in the north end of Winnipeg, with OF COURSE, a coffee house attached ;)....).

We all need a retreat... and our wee one is no exception!

Lately she has discovered our puppy's kennel!!! She LOVES tents and crawling through things, but this last week, if all is quiet, and she is no where to be seen, I go and check here....

Just this afternoon she discovered she was a wee bit lonely in there all by herself, so she managed to get her dolly in as well :).

Every one needs a little spot to call their own - even if it's just for a little while!

Retreat? Where would you go? What would you do?

Something we have to practice every day

2011-06-28T13:38:00.000-05:00

Something shared...

with a friend....

is something....

blessed!

"Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity." Luke 6:38, The Message

Through the eyes of a child...

2011-06-24T09:37:00.000-05:00

Yesterday morning me and my gals were getting ready to do a grocery and dollarstore run.

The excitement was almost palpable!

I had suggested the night before (after checking the temperamental weather to see if there was, in fact, sun forecasted for the next day) that instead of racing home after our shopping expedition was complete, we should pack a picnic and head to a park to burn off some steam first. (Not that I would have steam to burn off, more or less longing for a nap under a shady tree, but after being cooped up in a cart all morning, and getting along reasonably well, my girls would love to run free for a little while!)

Little M was still groggy from the night's sleep - and among her first words to me was this little revelation:

"Mommy, I've really seen some vans DO this. They really really do!! They drive into a McDonald's parking lot, and drive up to a little window. That little window OPENS UP and they pass McDonald's food INTO that van!! I think our van should try that. Yep. I really really do. I've really really seen that mommy." All the while she's super-animated, nodding and motioning with her hands about vans driving and stopping at a window and grabbing a bag for the road :).

I burst out laughing. Oh the magic of drive thru. I guess we've not really done that before - but somehow she's picked up on this possibility. I explained that yes, that there was, in fact, something called drive thru, and that though I already had our picnic packed for the day, we could try it sometime. Get McDonald's and THEN head to a park.

We went on to have a delightful morning and afternoon. And we (finally, around 1:30, which is pretty late with little ones and a baby who wasn't able to have her bottle because her mother forgot it at home!) managed to find a fun park to play at. But I can assure you, the PAQ at the end of the day was divine!!

The hunt for "One Word"

2011-06-16T23:55:00.002-05:00

Oh dear. I read a post.
So many interesting thoughts start that way.
If only I could finish those thoughts too! Maybe.
Someday.
Anyway.

Inspired by a friend of mine to hunt for one word to live by, I was on a mission. My vocabulary isn't very extensive, but I do enjoy fishing around for just that right fit. Kinda look the BEST pair of jeans in your closet. Just gotta fit right. Or else it is a GRUMPY day all around ;).
Anyway again.

Ever since finding the word picaresque in a novel (Angela Hunt, don't ask me which one, I was delirious with joy and fatigue at the time, probably read it during a mid-night feeding session!!) I've wanted to use it in a blog post. From the context of the book, I knew it had something to do with the concept of journeying. Exploring. Pressing on. Good thing I "googled it" before using it as my "one word." Ahem. This is what I discovered:

–adjective

pertaining to, characteristic of, or characterized by a form ofprose fiction, originally developed in Spain, in whichthe adventures of an engagingly roguish hero are describedin a series of usually humorous or satiric episodes that oftendepict, in realistic detail, the everyday life of the commonpeople: picaresque novel; picaresque hero.

of, pertaining to, or resembling rogues.

Origin:
1800–10; < Spanish picaresco. See picaro, -esque

—Related forms

un·pic·a·resque, adjective

—Can be confused: picaresque, picturesque (see synonym noteat picturesque).

—Synonyms
2. prankish, rascally, devilish, raffish.

While the thought of a satirical story of everyday life would be entertaining, I just cannot see myself as a really "good" rogue. I think I'm a bit to ... reserved ... for that. Sarcastic, perhaps. Prankish? Rascally? Probably not.

So. Great word. I'm sure it would be fun. But, not my "one word."

I also thought about the word sojourn. However, apparently it has the connotation of "visit," as in "visiting a land for a holiday," and while this earth is not our eternal home, too much happens here to be a "visit." I prefer to reserve that term for the time I make it out to a quiet cottage, down by a lake, I will emphasize the word QUIET :). That will be a sanity sojourn :).

Then I thought about the word journey. I liked the adventure/epic theme in the first word. But somehow, journey just seemed overused. Kind of like my overuse of !!!!

Kept fishing around. Pilgrim sounded a bit old-colony, and I kept thinking of that guy, some western fellow, (perhaps he was picaresque ;P), saying, "hey there, pil-grim." Ech.

But... journey... movement... a sense of adventure....

Pilgrimage.

A pilgrimage is a journey or search of great moral or spiritual significance. Typically, it is a journey to a shrine or other location of importance to a person's beliefs and faith. Many religions attach spiritual importance to particular places: the place of birth or death of founders or saints, or to the place of their "calling" or spiritual awakening, or of their connection (visual or verbal) with the divine, or to locations where miracles were performed or witnessed, or locations where a deity is said to live or be "housed," or any site that is seen to have special spiritual powers. Such sites may be commemorated with shrines or temples that devotees are encouraged to visit for their own spiritual benefit: to be healed or have questions answered or to achieve some other spiritual benefit. A person who makes such a journey is called a pilgrim. In America, the term pilgrim is typically associated with an early colonial protestant sect known for their strict rules of discipline.

It is the progression from one point of being to another. From beginning to end. For me, it is the essence of the adventure each of us is on - the movement from not knowing God to a deeper knowing of Him.

There are all sorts of characters along this journey that play a part in this epic story. People that have drawn me near to the heart of God, either by their teaching or their example. Others that have driven me to God by driving me to my knees ;). There is risk and romance ;), love and pain, anger, brokenness, confusion, despair, hope. There is adventure. There are seasons of routine, day-in day-out normalcy.

Recently I reread a passage that has spoken to me on numerous occasions:

⁵ Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
   whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
⁶ As they pass through the Valley of Baka,
   they make it a place of springs;
   the autumn rains also cover it with pools.^[d]
⁷ They go from strength to strength,
   till each appears before God in Zion. Psalm 84:5-7

There have been times when I would've preferred a safe, predictable life. And really, by many standards, that is precisely what I do have. However, blessed are those... whose hearts are set on pilgrimage... those who are not content with the "not knowing,"who are willing to risk going near the heart of God; risk the exposure, the awestruck wonder, the change.

According to my understanding, the Valley of Baka is a dry, desert place. Just like seasons in my life, where there are times of relational dryness. Things feel disconnected, especially, even most keenly with the One who knows me better than I know myself. In fact, I'd say most days, that's how I feel right now. And yet, even in the midst of those times, particularly because of those times, there are oases of learning and knowing and growing that can make it a blessed place. It has the potential to go deeper because it becomes something I am less tempted to take for granted.

It took a while for me to connect to the concept of moving from strength to strength. As a person who has struggled intensely with anxiety, I tended to think of life in terms of from catastrophe to catastrophe, with perhaps a little plateau in between. What a IMMENSE RELIEF it was for me to embrace the understanding that I could step from "strength to strength" while enduring the trial or valley that often lies in between.

Okay, there is much more I could say, but I think I've (sort of :P?) made my point.
If I had to pick a word, it would be pilgrimage. A journey with highs and lows, of many awkward moments (like the time I tore my shorts on a fence at a baseball game AND held them shut as I ran the bases or the time I tried downhill skiing and ended up in a fence), of many many many laughs and a few (more than a few!) tears too. At the heart of it - a growing, deepening, widening understanding of Who this Creator King is and how He is worthy of praise.

OUT OF CURIOSITY, WHAT WOULD YOUR ONE WORD BE!?

PS - You'd think that all I do all day is sit around mulling things over till I'm almost cuckoo :)!!! That is not the case. I actually do dishes, laundry, vacuuming, gardening, and a whole lotta child rearing in there too, just for fun :)!

Birthday baby

2011-06-13T16:39:00.000-05:00

I have a theory. It goes like this. Brace yourself. It's very insightful.

First birthday parties are more for the mamas (and maybe for the papas too ;P) than they are for the kiddo in the spotlight!!

See, "first birthday party" means - WE SURVIVED THE YEAR! We've navigated sleepless nights, transition upheavals, breast-feeding, first cereal feedings, sibling adjustments, shopping outings with three kids piled on one stroller. Tummy troubles and family travels and nap time habits. We've gotten to know this little peanut and her many and varied preferences. We've gotten TWO teeth and a bit of rest. What a journey it has been!!

First things first. The cake. I am NO Betty Crocker. I don't enjoy baking much; kitchen duties are not the first things I sign up for. However, I do enjoy putting together my kids birthday cakes. Go figure. A glutton for punishment - perhaps. This year I thought I'd try playing around with fondant because I am inspired by a friend who gave it a whirl. (Joy, if you're reading this, you inspire me on so many levels. Fondant included ;P.)

Anyway, discovered that fondant can also be pretty pricey. Since we do want to reserve a bit of money for the kids RESP I came up with Plan B - Gum paste. Well, there's the pre-made version and the mix version. I bought the mix because, again, it's a bit cheaper. Of course, if you're really adventurous, the cheapest route is just to google a recipe and mix it all yourself. I didn't want to push my luck!

Gum paste is a TON of fun - once you figure out some of the .... kinks. It takes a bit of messin' around (and at 11:30pm, I didn't have a whole lotta energy left for that!) but once you got it, it's fun! Jon heard a lot of muttering under my breath (and some a bit louder than that!) but eventually TADA. Birthday cake.

I have learned to take pictures of the cake that moment they are done - because no matter how hard I try, something always appears different the next day. Like the time the gel writing ran and looked --- odd. Or the smarties bled color OFF the smarty and onto the cake. Again, didn't look as nice. This time, sure enough. The gum paste started to get a bit soft and the color started to blend into the whipped topping. All in all, it still looked okay.

Secondly, it's always fun to add a few final touches. I don't go all out in decorations. It's just not my thing. I have read of gals that literally STAPLE table clothes to the walls just to make an "underwater scene." Since I want to stay married, and I'm almost certain that "unnecessary holes in the walls due to stapled table clothes in an effort to create a birthday party theme is not allowable" was part of our wedding vows (right up there with for better or worse, as long as we both shall live), we keep it simple around here. A little bit of clip art and a little bit of color. Voila. Eat. Drink (punch or pop is what we serve!). Be merry.

The weather was lovely, and we were able to enjoy the great outdoors a bit before moving in for supper. Supper. Food. Ah. Again, kitchen issues. We decided, due to temperamental MB weather we would not bbq. I have a bbq "issue" (namely I hate it because I either burn it or undercook it, and let's just say it's not my thing. Although I have not given up, and do practice and someday... maybe someday.....) and I didn't want Jon to have to BBQ in his rain suit. Again. Because he's already done that once in a down pour this spring and I felt kinda bad about that ;). Except that he looked kinda cute, but I'm not sure that's exactly what he wanted to hear :). So, we went with p.i.z.z.a.

Now, if you've known me for a length of time you'll know I have a "history" with pizza. Love to eat it, have not given up on making it, but have struggled to get it "right." It either comes out too doughy in the middle (YUCK!) or ..... well, that's it. Usually squishy in the middle. I've tried all sorts of remedies for this and have yet to find one that I am satisfied with.

So, I used that mighty google tool again. Prebaked all my pizza crusts (poke them with a fork so that they don't get all big and fluffy) and then REBAKED them the next day with the toppings. Turned out FABULOUS. Because I used a light-colored heavy aluminum pan the crusts did not get overbaked at all. They were crisp on the outside yet barely even brown. I wasn't sure about the "rebaking" step, since there were many different theories on this out there. However, I popped them into a slightly cooler oven (375F) and could get away with baking them a full 17 minutes - toppings were done rather than precooking all the pizza toppings as well (a bit labor intensive!). Piping hot pizza, out of the oven. Served a crowd, simply, cleanly (as all the mess was made the day before) and I could enjoy MINGLING rather than COOKING!

See what I mean about first birthday parties being for the mamas :)?

Here she is, my little one year old. Becoming a rather a dainty eater, so even though we gave her icing, this is about as crazy as she got!!

She is a sweet little gift, through and through. She's taught me so much already; I'm sure there'll be more lessons on the horizon as we move through toddler hood and into the preschool years ;).

Now, pardon me. I think I'm going to enjoy a lazy-daisy Monday ;P.

HOME: Some assembly required!

2011-06-03T23:17:00.000-05:00

This spring, I've been noticing the robins as they've been gathering "stuff" to make a nest. Not sure why, because I've never really taken note of it before. But for some reason, this time around, it has caught my eye. The other day, on our stroll to the park, we noticed two birds "fighting" over the same sprig of something-or-other. We chuckled as they flitted at each other like two preschoolers competing for the same toy. Perhaps it was a particularly fluffy sprig. Or, perhaps, one bird's "condo" was in a nicer location and there was some competition goin' on. Who knows. It sure was cute though!

As I was arranging pots and flowers and envisioning gardens outside during a brief period of sunshine ;), I reflected on how it takes effort and intentionality to make a house --- a home. A place that is warm, inviting, comfortable. Safe. A place of laughter and a sense of "we're-in-this-thing-called-life-together." A place where it is "okay" to be characters in formation.

No place has shaped me like my home has.

Some days (and weeks) go by, and I realize that my intentionality has slipped up a little. Perhaps it started through fatigue or that funk that accompanies a really "good" bad cold ;). Or it began when life got a little too full or that balance between yes-and-no was off. Then frustrations and tensions run a little higher, focus is skewed, and it all feels a little .... scrambly. I don't do well with scrambly :).

And it suddenly dawns on me that I need to step back, re-evaluate what fits (and what doesn't) and how I'm going to respond to those usual triggers of frustration and discouragement rather than simply react to them.

This past week, I've been poking away at spring cleaning. (I finally tossed these outdated spices, bought who knows when!!, and was actually tempted to take a pic and post it just as proof that every once in a while, the spice cabinet is actually accessible!!) As I've organized and sorted, tossed and relocated ;P, I've been mentally and emotionally sorting out what fits for our family. And it has been challenging, but good.

I find my contentment is most tested not by what I "have" (or don't have, because really most of our furniture is already-been-loved, and we just got a "new" table that is 35+ years old --- but is still in really great condition AND it can seat TWELVE people if we want to! Can't wait to use that space -- ahem, with guests, not by increasing the size of our family!) but by what I want to "get done." Not just chores, because somehow, those usually find a way of getting crossed of the list. But phone calls I have not made, books I have not read, space I have not created, friends I have not connected with, projects I have not finished.

I ask myself silly questions like -
"Leah, why on EARTH do you sign out 10 books when you KNOW that you will not be able to read them all?"
or "Why do you google YET MORE crochet patterns, knowing that you will not even tackle all the ones you've already been longing to try ;)?"
or "Why do you even attempt blogging when you think of all sorts of things to write but only ever get around to typing out a handful?"

Because I love books, and though I may never read them all, you'll never know what'll stand out and speak into your soul.
Because I love to crochet. And you never know what kind of pattern will jump out as a potential gift. I can't WAIT to post the most adorable project I've got on the go. If I ever finish it ;).
Because I love to write. I'm not a great writer, or particularly insightful or witty. I just enjoy writing. It's a hobby. It helps me figure out what fits, what doesn't. It helps me sort out life.

When I take a deep breath, and recognize the silly things that threaten to overwhelm me for what they are, I am far more attentive to creating a home that reflects who we are, whom we are becoming and, hopefully, most importantly, the One whom we want to honor. I am more available to respond to my children where they are at (instead of forcing an agenda or expectations) and am more attentive to my husband and the things he needs to hear from me too. I am more in tune with my own self, and take time to cultivate the essentials right now.

Not so long ago, I came across this quote that immediately made it my "fridge wall of inspiration" :). Every so often I actually LOOK at it, and it reminds me of the things my heart is learning right now! I tend to forget pretty quickly ;). This is one that speaks to me over and over and over...
"Practice is a patient, relaxed process of finding out what works and what doesn't... Either life is practice, or it is performance... it is surprise vs. control.... "professionalism" vs. amateur.... spontaneous vs. hesitant. None of us can be perfect. But everyone can be free. Which will you choose?" Mike Mason, Practicing the Presence of People.

As we practice life together, we refine each other (and there is a lot of refining work goin' on!!!!). We learn more about how to live life because of the One who has given life - His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. We practice, we fall down, we take a deep breath and say sorry and get back up again.

Perhaps I've noticed the nesting birds this spring because it resonates with the recognition that we too are a people under construction. As we build and shape and form, may the home we create be a haven for those in it and those welcome in it, as well as a testimony of grace to the One who offers it abundantly.

Phonetic Funnies

2011-05-31T22:10:00.000-05:00

Over the past 1/2 year, Little M has started to play with words. Before, it was letters. Letters letters everywhere. Lately there has been an explosion of reading, writing and sentence forming. I love watching her explore with her words. It is often quite humorous. Most of the time she prefers to pick out the sounds she hears and spells accordingly. Sometimes she'll come to me if she's stuck. Sometimes we go over the words, correcting spelling and hunting out the sneaky letters (ones that don't necessarily make a sound). Lately, though, I just love her efforts as they are and find them so endearing. Perfecting the spelling will come with time. Now is a time to collect all these little clippings and practice pages.

One Sunday afternoon, during rest time, unbeknownst to me, she decided to make her first "book." It looked like this:

M made this by herself.

It has pictures in it.

I made it in rest time.

Poop poop. ???

Dear K

You are a messy eater

She's not being rude - it's kinda true ;)

I love you.

Dear L

I love you.

You are a messy eater too.

Dear Diggy.

I love you.

You are a vacuum cleaner.

!!!!

Recently, Little M was concerned about the dwindling selection of gel pens. Because she goes through them so fast, I decided that she could start "buying her own." When she realizes that she would like a new set of gel pens, we put together a chore list that will earn her 3 loonies. Then we head off to Dollarama, where she can buy a great pack of gel pens for $2+tax. It's great! She LOVES it. This is the second chore list that we're working on. The first involves me nearly having an emotional break down (stay tuned, I'll share that story later!!).

This is what she came up with all on her own...

1. Clean up. She is very serious about her clean ups. I kid you not. When she wants to (meaning it has been "her" idea) she will tidy up our entire living space. Happily. When I want her to, it's a bit more persuasion, and sometimes we have to do things we really don't want to do, but it is a responsibility that she's actually very good at. Hence, it made it onto the list :).

2. Make good choices. Always important ;).

3. Do not step in the garden that has sheep poop in it. !!! Apparently Jon mentioned this while he was working sheep poop into our veggie garden. Good to note!!

4. Do not spill birthday cake on the floor. Sometimes excited little girls become quite exuberant and things go flying!

5. Don't make bad choices. Apparently a small theme running here ;)....

---

The last time we did this, I had to take Sweet K to a pediatrician appointment. These are not usually a lot of fun for me. Thankfully they are not as anxiety-packed as they used to be - but really, who likes having to take their kid to the doctor, right :)? I packed up all three girls on a very cold and windy winter day, drove an hour to the doctors office, found it downtown (I'd never been to that particular office before), found parking (always an issue) and made it to our appointment EARLY. Did you catch that - we were EARLY!!! Since we were there to discuss SLEEP ISSUES, I was already pretty pooped just from weeks (and weeks and weeks) of issue-ville. We shuffled into an empty waiting room. I was a bit perplexed by this, wondering if we'd have to wait an hour just to see the doctor. The gal sitting behind the desk blinked blinked at me. She wondered why I was there, considering the doctors were all on h.o.l.i.d.a.y.s. NO WAY. Honestly, I started to cry. Right there. In the office. Little M looked at me, and I looked at her. Well, hon, that was a colossal waste of time and energy. The gal behind the desk and I tried to resolve the issue, which happened to be some typo made by some clerk who will never know how much frustration she'd caused. Now I'd have to wait even longer to receive help (or at the very least some guidance and options). But, at the heart of what was hurting me was that this had taken a very precious at-home day for Little M. I treasure those days and try to keep them as relaxed as possible. PLUS I'd had her loonies in my purse, and I had to use them for parking. So, not only was our doctors appointment cancelled, but I had to go find change for these precious gel pens that Little M had worked so hard for. Feeling heavy, we gathered our gear and headed back to the elevator, down through a long hallway (not easy with a car seat, diaper bag, wandering 3 year old who hasn't slept properly EVER and 5 year old) and into a little pharmacy.

I gently asked the fellow working at the till if he could break a $10 for me - a $5, and a $2 and 3 loonies. I got the scolding of a life time. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES does he give change for parking, because if he had to do it for ONE he'd have to do it FOR EVERYONE. HOWEVER, just THIS ONE TIME he'd forgo this stipulation and DO AS I ASKED. You'd think I'd held up the store at gun point or come in cussin' like a sailor, demanding my way!!! I stood there and just blinked. Blink blink. I had no words except, thank you, I guess. I hesitantly handed him my $10, which he snatched from my hand and in a dramatic fashion he dumped the requested change into my hand. The tone was clear: DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN.

Okay. Okay. I'll just back away sllloooowly.

I had set Wee One's car seat on the floor, and as I bent down to pick her up and gather my gear once again, 1/2 the contents of my water bottle (which was tucked into a precariously dangling diaper bag) spilled down my pants and onto the floor. I was perplexed as to why the bottom of my pants were suddenly soaking wet. Until aha. This particular water bottle has a sneaky lid. RIIIGHT. I stood up and spoke out loud to no one in particular "THIS DAY IS JUST GETTING WORSE AND WORSE." And then we shuffled out.

We got the stroller, which I loaded all three kids onto and walked along the down town streets to the nearest Dollarama. We passed all sorts of interesting characters, and I found myself praying for them - those who wandered, looking lost; the fellow who picked the used cig butt out of the snow bank just to finish it off. They looked at us, and I'm sure we were quite the sight - Little M's toque tassels wafting in the wind, Sweet K's sweet face peeking out from her layers of hat and hood. And every so often a squeak from the car seat :). We received many hellos and smiles and laughs. Suddenly the world felt a bit brighter :).

Little M proudly marched into the Dollarama, ready to pick out her gel pens. True to fashion, she had to look at all the options before selecting the just-right package. She paid for her purchase, the gal behind the till chuckling as Little M explained her mission.

We returned to the van. We returned home. It was a quiet ride and I was thankful.

I found Little M's chore chart hilarious! I am so proud of her for taking responsibility for it, and though I'm not exactly sure how we can check off "don't spill the birthday cake" when she did, TWICE!!, I am hoping our next adventure will be less .... adventurous :).

Punctuality

2011-05-28T23:38:00.001-05:00

Just over a week ago, I celebrated 33 trips around the sun!
And what a grand adventure it has been!!
Wow.
Some delightful moments.
Some .... less than stellar ;).
All in all, I'm thoroughly enjoying the journey!

I come from a family who loves to give fabulous gifts. In the "love languages," this definitely stands out. I am certainly not complaining ;) --- I have received many thought-filled presents, and have tried to return the favor!

Now, if you've ever waited for me to show up at a coffee shop, or swing past your house to drop something off, or ever had to wait for one of my "just one moment please" or if you've been sitting in your driveway an extra moment or two waiting for me to pick you up.... or if you realized that I collect clocks but ALL of them are really set at different times (not entirely intentionally, some are lacking batteries, some are strategically set 5 minutes ahead!!!). In fact, if you've ever ever had to wait for me at all, you'd realize just how hilarious this precious gift is:

And like all truly great gifts, this one has a (small, but cute) story attached to it. This past winter, while we were in Florida, I was walking through the gift shop of a restaurant chain and saw this clock. I burst out laughing. It's me, through and through. However, true to form, I reasoned that we'd already spent so much money on a holiday, why buy (yet another) clock. Plus I had three kids with me (who were well past bed time) one of which had been howling for about an hour already and fishing the cash out of the diaper bag seemed like a ginormous amount of work! Blah blah blah. So, of course, I left it.

And it's one of those things I thought of obsessively on that loooong drive home!

So, when my parents decided to head south for a few weeks, I mentioned to my mom that SHOULD SHE come across this restaurant chain, and SHOULD SHE happen to find this particular clock in the store window, COULD SHE PLEASE BUY IT FOR ME. I'd pay her back. Promise promise promise :).

She, being sweet and kind and a very good listener, picked it up for me and gave it to me as a birthday gift :).

I was now able to remove a very ugly clock and replace it with this beautiful shiny clock that makes me all happy and smiley every time I see it.

You see, I am working on my punctuality. And yes, I have really really improved over time. However, I suspect it will always be something I have to be intentional about. Some days I'm okay with that. Some days I'm not. And some days - well, sometimes you've just gotta laugh!!

Vitamin D therapy!

2011-05-17T10:52:00.000-05:00

Ah. Finally. The rainy clouds have passed and the sun is out once again. In the words of Little M, spoken as we were leaving for school this morning, able to enjoy a gorgeous walk in the spring air, "Mom, I just LOVE spring days like this."

Me too, honey. Me too.

We've spent much of the past few days outdoors. Some playing. Some working. My flower beds were a sore sight after ~~some~~ a lot of neglect last summer :). But as I dug out the weeds, and rediscovered the hidden gems beneath, I decluttered heart and soul and mind in the process.

Even as I drifted off to sleep, I saw pictures of discarded weeds dancing behind my eyelids. Ah. Satisfaction!

In between tending to this, that and the other thing for the little ones dashing here and there, slowly clarity comes, in both the garden and heart. Things that can seem so complicated can become quite simple. Not always easy, but simple. It was sheer joy to head outdoors last night after the little ones were squeaky clean and tucked under the covers. Ipod in hand, there was space to dig, pray, yank, sing, think. AND THERE WERE NO BUGS!!!

As I absorbed the last of the sun for the day, I was thankful for the new life starting to grow. To enjoy the blooms already showing and to rejoice over the return of my rose bush and hydrangea. For the chance to dig out the weeds and start again.

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Trip down memory lane

2011-05-14T13:56:00.001-05:00

Occasionally when I head out to my parent's farm, I drive through the little town that I called "home" for the first 19 years of my life. Barely a blink on the map, really. It's hard to imagine that even in such a little outta-the-way place, so many things can happen. Of course, because LIFE happens, and it's all unique and monumental, no matter how big or small.

As I slowly idle along memory lane, I pass the school that I attended K-8. It still looks pretty much the same, except the paint is peeling a bit more :) and it seems to grow smaller with time.

I point out the church I attended - where I went to youth group, got baptized, sang in the childrens choir and discovered the ups and downs of young friendships.

And always always always, I then drive by my beloved Grandma's place. She died when I was in grade 5. A surprise to us all, really. She was a good friend for me. As grain farmers, my parents were often busy during those harvest weeks, and so we spent those days in the care of Grandma. She was spunky and gentle. She loved WWF wrestling and Young and the Restless. She was a devoted Christian, creator of tea parties and a fabulous gardener. She taught me to play Scrabble and how to crochet. Her house always smelled like freshly baked buns and homemade soup. Of course, I am biased, but I think she was a saint. Hers was my first encounter with death, and it was very difficult for me. Even now, 22 years later, it still makes me sad.

And then, out to the farm. I love bringing the kids out to mom and dad's place. So many adventures and memories and milestones (and not all easy ones, either :P). And I love creating new moments with my family there. I hope my kids feel the same way about their own home someday.

Excessively dwelling on past things is not always healthy. Sometimes, however, remembering is a good thing. It creates appreciation for what once was, what can be and lessons (some very tough lessons!) learned along the way.

What adventures are along your trips down memory lane?

Celebrate life :)

2011-05-11T22:17:00.000-05:00

Wow. It's been a while.

Life has been full of good things.

Like the discovery of the swing :). The snow is all gone now, however I did resort to shoveling out the swing set just so we could enjoy some fresh spring fun!

Spring time picnics

Celebrating the gift of parenthood and the responsibility that it is. Here were are at the baby dedication moment. This is more of an "action shot" than anything else. Wee One was NOT about to hold still for more than half a second. If that :).

Grandma's birthday party. That finally happened. Unfortunately the masseuse that was we had arranged to come over and give mom her birthday present could not come on our rescheduled date. Bummer. However, seriously, this photo does not even do justice to the chaos that reigned. At one point, I just stood in the middle of the room laughing until the tears rolled down my cheeks. We're a motley crew, but it sure is FUN!! Next time we're going for something quiet and private, like a fondue. Just don't tell my mom ;).

Just hanging out. Wee One looks so much like her daddy it just makes me giggle :).

Sweet K. Sweet as ever.

Happy mothers day. Gifts given, gifts received. It is good to honor those in our lives who have lived and loved into us and helped shaped us into the people that we are. A blessed thing indeed.

At this time, six years ago....

2011-04-24T23:41:00.000-05:00

Six years ago at this time I was vacillating between "freaking out excited" and "freaking out-freaking out." After a six year journey, I was finishing a college degree and beginning a masters. It was graduation weekend and we were celebrating the accomplishment.

But, between Jon and I, we were celebrating/trying to wrap our minds around/jumping for joy/panicking for another reason....

We'd just discovered that we were parents!!!

I will never forget the Saturday afternoon when we made this discovery. Exactly one week prior we'd just adopted a sweet little pooch. I've never been much of an animal person, but after talking about it at great length and doing a bit of research it seemed like a grand idea. However, the poor pup didn't stand a chance against the surge of hormones, sensitivity to smells and fatigue that my body was going through (all unbeknownst to me - I just thought I was "emotional" :P). Very quickly it became evident that I was not at all about to bond with this sweet dog. And he was sooooo cute!!

Approximately four days after his arrival, I glanced at the calendar, started to do the counting of days, and got mighty suspicious..... it took until Saturday before I caved and snuck into the local pharmacy, scouted around to make sure that there was no one who recognized me in there, grabbed a pregnancy test (and paid for it :P) and ducked out again. It sat on the counter a little while before I had the courage to use it.

The results didn't take long.
Two little lines.
Two parents in the making; one baby.
Oh. Wow.

After breathing a bit, I went outside to get Jon, who was repairing an electrical outlet at the time. I recall how I said, "Jo-on? You better come inside for a moment." He carefully set his tools down. We skittered into the house. He looked at the test. Carefully read through the instructions.
"Two lines."
"Yup."
"According to this that means positive."
"Yup again."
Oh. Wow.

We'd been hoping... but weren't sure it would ever happen... and then suddenly, when we least expected it... here it was.... this great gift. As far as we could tell, I was already 6 weeks along. When you're counting life in terms of weeks, that's a long time!!! We waited FOUR MORE WEEKS before telling family, and another TWO WEEKS to share it with co-workers and friends. It was a blessing to keep this just between us for the first while. And it gave us some time to prepare ourselves as well :).

The second time I had news to share with Jon, I left the test on the bathroom counter as a surprise for him. Hard secret to keep :).
"Uh, two lines."
"Yup."
"What does that mean again?"
"Positive."
Oh. Wow. Again :).

The third time I actually took a picture of the positive test result (Jon was NOT aware that I was planning to take one that day) and emailed it to him at work :)!! Not two minutes later, the phone rang....
"There are two lines on that test."
"Yup."
"Does that mean positive :)?"
"Yup."

It feels like we've traveled a million miles since that first moment. And what an amazing journey it has been. We've learned, grown, survived birth :); created stories and memories; and marveled at these little people God has shared with us for this time.

It is a gift. We are grateful.

Oh, and about the dog - soon the hormones settled down and we became excellent pals. In fact, he was very good company during those first few weeks at home. He's the only dog (animal, really) I've ever loved (which is a mighty lucky thing for him, or else he'd gone packin' early on!!) and a fixture in our family. He joins us in most of our family adventures, he's adored by the girls (not sure the feeling is mutual, but he is very very good about it!!) and he sleeps on our bed (something I SWORE I'd never do!!). Couldn't imagine life without him!

How we celebrate Easter....

2011-04-23T21:20:00.000-05:00

As we mix and mingle with family over the holiday, we all get plenty (read: FAR TOO MUCH!!!) chocolate. Every year I wrestle with how we can incorporate fun holiday traditions with biblical influence; embracing gifts without going overboard ourselves.

Last year I purchased a set of plastic eggs. My desire had been to fill them with small tokens that were symbols of the stories surrounding Easter. Think advent calendar, 12 days instead of 24, Easter-version.
That did not happen.
Nor did it happen this year.
This is on the "maybe, someday" list :).

This year, shortly after the loved ones were all settled under the covers, I took out my bible, a few chocolates and a little creativity (recall that attention span and energy are in short supply around here these days.... it's gotta get done in 10 minutes or less ... or else :P).

First, I decided to stuff 5 eggs with scripture verses, following the "Romans Road":

1. Romans 3:23 - "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
2. Romans 6:23 - "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."
3. Romans 5:8 - "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners Christ died for us."
4. Romans 10 - "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."
5. John 3:16 - "For God so loved the world that he gave us his one and only Son, that whoever would believe in him would not perish but have eternal life."

All the other eggs got three chocolates each. There are 2 of every color (I added an additional egg for John 3:16 in case you do the math and realize it doesn't work out :P) - one for each daughter that eats easter eggs!!! I also bought of few of those little chocolate eggs in the foil wrapper to hide individually.

Bowl of eggs all ready for hiding ....

A chocolate bunny for daddy :).....

Simple. Fun. Hopefully meaningful. And a way of passing along the story of the cross....

What Lent has taught me....

2011-04-22T23:41:00.000-05:00

Over the past number of years, I have experimented with different ways of observing the season of Lent. I have abstained from certain things (for example, one year I left face book, never to really ever return ;P) or engaged in certain things (one year I chose to meditate on a portion of scripture that became increasingly meaningful to me: "Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace." Matthew 11:29, The Message. Taking 40 days to prepare my heart to celebrate the miracle of Easter (formally, I suppose, since in some ways we celebrate RESURRECTION and NEW LIFE every day!) truly deepens the lessons and story and reality for me.

This year, consistency has not been my strong point. I am learning to find the grace to accept doing whatever I can, the best I can, when I can. It is not an easy lesson. I am learning that my half-hearted attempts are not enough; nor is getting bogged down in going through the motions just to put a check mark on the list.

I started off Lent with the desire to carry a cross henna-tattooed to my wrist. A constant reminder. HOWEVER, as I quickly discovered, I was having to re-apply the henna frequently - like every couple of days - and soon I decided that this was not the season for me right now.
Part of me felt ashamed - like I had not fulfilled a promise I'd made.
Part of me thought "realistically" - maybe you should research this a bit more to see if there are ways to apply henna so it lasts longer.
Part of me looked at the whole scenario - and thought about how aptly it can resemble my spiritual journey - good ideas and meaningful activities come along, yes; thought through entirely, maybe not; desires that dwindle after the effort of work begins. Hmmmm.....

"Well ... you've got kids ... and time is scarce and all...." Yes. We have three beautiful little girls. And, Yes. They do require time, and it's true that we don't get anywhere in a hurry (except we DO get in a dither if we hurry and that's no fun at all!!). But there is still time here and there for things that matter. No, the assault has been on energy and attentiveness, a consequence of a very intense sinus cold that has left me (all of us, actually) staggering some days, and fatigue as sleep issues have surfaced again and again. And again.

And, maybe you can relate. (And if you can't, consider yourself ... blessed ;P.) The internet, and the whole blogging sphere in all its fabulous wonder and glory, can fill your head with so many good ideas and things you want to do and try and even self-induced pressure from seeing what others can "get accomplished" in their own homes - for me, if I succumb to the temptation to compare, it can become messy. Those are all good things (well not ALL things on the internet are good, obviously, but those are not the things I am talking about here!!) and I truly celebrate those who are crafty and artsy and fabulous in ways that I can only dream of being :). But if I am not careful, my dream-of-doing-this list soon becomes longer than my things-that-need-to-get-done-in-order-to-maintain-order list :) and I feel overwhelmed. Silly, I know.

In retrospect, Lent has taught me a few crucial lessons:
1. Keep it simple. The message of the cross is not complicated - it is profoundly simple, though staggering in its reality: "For God so loved the world that he gave us his only Son, that whoever would believe in him would not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16. Live it, breathe it, seek it every day.

2. Keep it present. There is a season for deeper reflection, and a time to just go with it. When we come with a willing heart, God is ready and able to meet us right where we are. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20, 21.

3. Keep it real. I stumble, I fall. I get impatient, I get grumbly, I overlook (or outright ignore) opportunities to serve my Heavenly Father. I commit to a henna tattoo for 40 days and I don't follow through. And yet, there is grace to begin anew, for which I am thankful. "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord." Acts 3:19.

With this in mind, I embrace the celebration of Easter.

Brokenness .... and hope

2011-04-19T10:22:00.001-05:00

Amidst the glitz and glamor, the signs of brokenness were glaringly obvious.

As we drove through the Sunshine State of Florida my heart ached...

... billboards advertised road stop opportunities - satisfy any sensual desire for a nominal price

... over-the-counter paternity tests - in case you are not sure which one night stand has fathered a child

... the allure of the security of wealth, fame and possessions

... people shopping their pains away, hoping that a Disney Day would magically cure their family feuds, forever distracted with cell phones and text messages.

We are a broken people.

I floundered.

How am I, a teeny tiny believer in this sea of humanity; smaller than a speck, unremarkable in every way possible - how am I to respond to this heart cry?

I got angry. I saw an advertisement for "Gentleman's Club" promising access to "Ladies" and I wanted to shout - there's nothing "ladylike" or "gentlemanly" about what goes on there, don't you know!? Can you not SEE!?

I wanted to shout at those who keep people like objects, trading and bartering them, using and abusing.

I wanted to weep for those caught in a lie --- just one more fix and life will be alright.

And for the children. Oh the children.

I wanted to look into their eyes, listen to their stories and pray.

Pray for release.

Pray for healing.

Pray for hope and salvation and freedom and a resurrection into new Life.

It was during this time I happened to be reading through Jude. Feeling so helpless, so insignificant, I soaked in these words:

But you, DEAR FRIENDS....

... build yourselves up in the Most Holy Faith

... and pray in the Holy Spirit

... keep yourselves in GOD'S LOVE as you wait - for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you into eternal life.

... be merciful to those who doubt;

... snatch others from the fire and save them,

... mixed with fear - hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.

Jude 20-23

The encouragement here is to guard and nurture our own faith
... stay in the Word, walk in prayer
... share openly with other believers
... honest confession, sincere praise, endless gratitude
... focusing on that which is noble and true

while at the same time remaining open to invitations to shine for His Glory.
... the gift of money or time or food or clothing or shelter - sharing present resources for a future purpose
... the gift of listening and hearing another's story
... the gift of opening one's home and life, be it for a moment, a meal or for as long as the opportunity lasts
... the gift of our own vulnerability - you never know where God will use our authenticity

It seems overwhelming and impossible, because, without His Spirit and Grace, it is. But as we seek His face, He gives opportunities to spread His love. To experience compassion and action. And what may seem unremarkable to us, may plant a seed of Life in someone else's heart. And it also nurtures the faith we already have.

"To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy -- to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore. Amen." Jude 24-25

Can't say I ever thought I'd be doing this....

2011-04-13T22:13:00.000-05:00

Around here, it has been my spring time job to pick rocks off the lawn.
SO FUN, I tell you.
Those of you with lovely concrete driveways may not fully appreciate what it is like picking gravel off the lawn when there is still a bite in the wind, the snow has only just melted and the ground is still cold; with stiff, almost-blue fingers filling a bucket one-by-one-by-one.... it's really quite the job.

I have shoveled rock-filled snow off before it has melted on the lawn.
I have raked rocks into a pile to make them more scoop-able.
I have scraped the ground with a shovel and tossed them back from whence they came.
And yes, I have gotten down with soggy-knee pants and picked them up, one by one.

But THIS YEAR WAS DIFFERENT.

Following a suggestion from a neighbor that I received several years ago, I vacuumed the lawn.
If you don't believe me, here are some pics Little M took of the moment.....

I learned a few lessons as I did this....
1. Never vacuum up too many rocks at once. Haste makes waste, and in this case, it also creates a clog in the hose ;).

2. Extension cords can only stretch so far. No further. It's just a basic fact of life.

3. You can also suck up quite a bit of that yucky dust grass stuff that is left behind.

In spite of a few stops along the way (plus runny noses, plus moving baby OUT of the wind, plus fetching this that and the other thing), it took SIGNIFICANTLY less time to remove those pesky rocks off the lawn. I need to find another extension cord to finish the job, but hey, that's okay.

So perhaps I'm a slow learner and others have been doing this for years. I did contemplate wearing a paper bag over my head so that people wouldn't suspect it was me doing such an odd thing, but figured that would only draw more attention and rumor :).

And here's what the girls were busy doing all this time (thanks to Little M, who had great fun with the camera...)

Sweet K with her mitties off AGAIN.

Diggy actually able to enjoy some outdoor fun.

An up-close shot of the stroller??

Wee one, all snug as a bug

Up close and personal!

More Wee One

Hmmm? The neighbors truck? I think?

Can't forget the gravel...

Signs of spring...

The Sky - because really, what fun is a photo shoot

without a shot of the sky!

Our neighbors shed at an usual angle!

And after all that fun, they had to pull out the sled (instead of the bikes, wagon, strollers, etc!) because we simply have not had enough winter yet. :)

All in a days work!!

Authentic Hearts

2011-04-10T14:26:00.001-05:00

There are some days I wonder if Little M was born with a pencil and paper in hand :).

I'm glad she wasn't, because that would be a little ... awkward.

One of her favorite things to do is draw and write and practice her letters and make cards and pictures for other people. It is a gift that she can easily put together all by herself and it gives her a great deal of pleasure to stuff an envelope (either recycled or handmade :P) FULL of notes of affection and appreciation.

Last summer we had new neighbors move in beside us and Little M, who was 4.5 at the time, wasted no time in getting to know this 9-year-old gal. They played together off and on over the warmer months, but as winter and different schedules settled in, we didn't see much of our new friend. As things have warmed up again, and we all venture out a little more often and linger outdoors a little longer, we have reconnected.

One day Little M proudly showed me her picture for our friend. Across the page in big, bold letters were the words "I Love You." I hesitated. How would this girl react? What would our neighbor girl think? She's already indicated that she's too mature for some of the games that Little M normally plays, and that she's not here to "play" but to "hang out." Would she scoff at my daughter for her innocent display of affection? Would Little M feel embarrassed?

I decided to let it all play out and see what would happen. Our neighbor gal happened to be over for supper and before she left, Little M gave her the envelope. She left without opening it, and I thought that was the end of it.

A little while later, there was a knock at the door. Instantly irritation flashed through my mind --- why do people knock on others doors when its BEDTIME!??! You can see I have a lot of maturing to do!! However, there was our neighbor girl, with an envelope of her own in hand. She shyly gave it to us and quickly scampered off.

Little M squealed with delight. It was considerately addressed to all three of our little ladies - and inside was a picture of them all playing together outside (a hope of warmer days to come :P?). And, attached was a note. "I love you too."

Again and again I learn through my children. Authentic hearts take risks, but look at the blessings which can flow from that. Our neighbors have a background that is much different than ours, but at the core we all need the same thing --- a desire to know that we are loved and welcomed and have a place to belong.

I'm not sure how long this little friendship will last. There is an age difference that may or may not become a big deal down the line. I know that right now they get along just fine and enjoy playing together ... ahem, "hanging out" ;P ... and it works.

And it is a reminder to me to not be so hesitant to open up and let people in. You just never know what gift is waiting to be discovered.

Why, Hello There!

2011-04-04T22:18:00.000-05:00

Hello Mr. Tooth.

We're pleased to finally make your acquaintance.

I have suspected your arrival for some time now. I was not sure if it was you - or the nasty cold we've been fighting for several weeks - that was the cause of some minor upheaval around here.

Regardless. You have arrived. The cold is gone. Life is back to "normal."

I've tried multiple times to get a picture of you. You are Wee One's OFFICIAL FIRST TOOTH.

This is a photo-moment if there ever was one.

A tiny little pearly white.

Have I mentioned I'm a wee bit thankful now to be using the bottle ;)?

She's a bit of a wiggly little one though, and so it's pretty tough!

Ahem, Mr. Tooth, between you and me, I have mixed feelings about your arrival. Don't get me wrong - you are simply adorable and if my heart didn't melt before at the sight of that gummy little grin, well it's even sweeter now.

However.

You are yet another sign that my sweet little babe is getting older. Maturing. Moving through these milestones with lightening speed.

And that's good and all....

But I'm in no hurry for her to grow up. I love this snuggly little bundle, and just like her two sisters, I try to get all the squeezes and LOVE YOU's and cheek pinches that I can. I certainly don't mind if she dozes off in my arms, or requires a little cuddle after a nap wake-up, or cries ferociously if any one else tries to say hi :).

Because, all too quickly, we'll be counting the teeth that are awaiting the arrival of the infamous tooth fairy and watching as little ones become not-so-little ones and well, it goes fast is all I'm sayin'.

So. If you have a little partner all ready and waiting to show up, can you tell him to hang on just a little :)? I'm in no rush at all.... and I'd like to get a little more sleep before we have to deal with that again!

Love, Wee One's Mama

Because sometimes life feels messy

2011-03-31T14:53:00.000-05:00

Beware - you're about to see pictures of what our house looks like at around 9 o'clock in the morning.

None of these pictures are arranged for artistic effect.

You'll notice no fuzzy edging.

Or crop marks.

Or anything fancy like that.

This is how it is most of the time; other days it's worse :).

It got me to thinking though, how life feels chaotic and messy sometimes. A lot of the time.

Projects are left half-finished. It's hard to know where to start and where to leave it.

There are always tasks to do around here (which I think is quite apparent :P...) - the to-do list is never done.

And you're constantly stepping on little blocks or toy dishes --- thankfully, both Puppy and Wee One have managed to avoid getting stomped on in the day-to-day rhythm of life!

But life is like that as well.
The issues of the heart and soul are tackled in bits and pieces; growth seems to come in fits and starts.
The needs around can be so great, so overwhelming that it is really very difficult to discern what to begin and end and pray.
And, as we learn to love and lean, are we not also constantly navigating our steps, sometimes overstepping the limits, other times getting stepped on ourselves? As Mark Knopfler put it - "Sometimes you're the windshield. Sometimes you're the bug." ;)

Several mornings last week it was hard hard hard to crawl out of bed. The weight of discouragement felt heavy. Colds that seemed to run on and on, decisions that need to be made (or at least attended to!), and fatigue that sometimes runs deeper than I ever dreamed possible.

Sometimes life is very messy indeed.

There is no easy way through it - only to get through it.

And wait for the sun to shine again.

That, and call Clutter Busters. I think they might have a hayday at my house ;)!!!

I just had to laugh

2011-03-24T22:32:00.000-05:00

You may recall I mentioned our latest house guest. Good to know that it is still alive and well. Thriving, actually. I think :). At least it's not brown and crispy yet. Yet.

Anyway, I had to laugh the other day when I returned our DEAD neon tetras for a refund.

I am wedded to a man that refunds things whenever possible. It is a mighty good habit and has probably saved us hundreds of dollars.

And the things I DO for this aforementioned husband of mine -- really :). We're bonded, I guess! When I cleaned the fish out of their tank, I actually, yes, put them into a plastic baggy and froze them. I saved a sample of water and froze that too (you need both ... specimens... for a full refund). And then the day of the trek to the city, I took the fish out of the freezer and let them defrost on the counter (but still in the plastic baggy). Ew. Double Ew.

I'm not sure how many people go to such lengths to return their perished fish for a refund. The Petland people thought I was a bit odd. However, I had three kids with me, a no-nonsense attitude (blech, I was just trying to look brave in front of the kids) and they humored me.

So Petland Girl #1 tested my water. "Your water is extremely poisonous. It is totally toxic for fish. I cannot send any more fish home with you until you treat your water properly."

Oh. Uh. Okay. I'm sure glad we DRINK THIS WATER. That makes me feel good.

I also explained that we didn't have a heated tank, but proudly mentioned that our aquarium has a light bulb built into the bottom (didn't mention this particular point, but it casts a cozy glow when the rest of the house is asleep and the aquarium is lazily humming away and I am allll about cozy) and we left that on to keep the water at a constant temperature.

Both gals looked at me from behind their little Petland counter.
At first I wasn't sure if they thought I'd stepped off of planet Mars or if I'd grown horns or something.
They were HORRIFIED.
With a slight gasp, Petland Girl #2 breathed out "You have stressed your fish TO D.E.A.T.H."
Yikes. That sounds.... bad.
I blinked and blinked again.
Little M looked at me, a tad concerned. I put a gentle, reassuring hand on her shoulder, just for good measure.
Petland Girl #1 recovered the moment with a brief explanation: "Fish are creatures. And just like any other creature, they need a DAY and a NIGHT, like dark, and having a light on all the time totally stresses them out. You probably stressed them to death."
Yeah. Like DUH. Any fuddy duddy should've figured that one out!
BAAAA I feel sheepish. Sorry. Can't take credit for that. It's off a movie - Disney's Hercules, I think!

Have you ever found yourself in an AWKward moment and got the giggles, which only makes it a little more awkward which only increases your need to snicker and snort and have a full out gushing tears laugh!?

Yup. That's how I felt.

I swallowed hard to regain my composure.

Oh dear. Whatever should I do to remedy the toxic water situation? Next time I will buy fish that don't require a heated tank and remember to ALWAYS turn the light off.

I walked out of Petland with a full-fish refund, a promise to treat my water for THREE FULL DAYS before attempting to buy any more fish, and some fancy chemicals for my poisonous water. That sustained 1 comet fish for over 5 years, I'll just have you know. And a siamese fighting fish for a long time. He'd have likely lived longer, but alas the feeding routine just wasn't as consistent as it should be. Good thing I didn't mention THAT to the Petland Girls!!

I respect all God's creatures, or try to anyway, and am in no way advocating for careless pet management. We have a lovable little pooch, whom we take very good care of (in fact I spent an entire hour giving him his regular haircut today so now he can see where he's going again!). However, I walked away from this experience with a little more fish-knowledge (more things I never thought I'd know!?) and a really really hearty chuckle!!!

Things I Never Thought I'd See - Part 2

2011-03-24T22:11:00.000-05:00

Yes. Whenever one opens oneself up to traveling, you just never know what you might come across.
As I shared a while back, I saw Jesus using hairspray. Odd, but true.

Anyway. While we were in Florida I opened up a private blog, mainly to share random things with family and a few close friends while we were gone. Here is a post of something I never really thought I'd see -- at least, not this "up close and personal" :).

---

Travels take us outside our everday routines and are full of interesting moments.
Jon & I have shared many as we've ventured out over the years.

Like the time a bear sniffed my knee.

Or the time we were camping in a state park and a highly intoxicated family (yes, heartbreakingly, a family - a "dad" and a "mom" and several kids) were apparently (we didn't dare venture out of the t.e.n.t. to see if this was actually the case or not!!) running around with a GUN and were planning to use the cars on the freeway as target practice (said tent was, unfortunately, between the crazies and the highway!).

Or the time we were driving on the freeway right beside another car when their tire blew up!

Or the time we found ourselves camping by the cows (they weren't in that pasture when we happened to be setting up the tent, so imagine our surprise when we heard moo-ing before the sun was up the next morning!).

On our way down here, we were stopped at a rest station. The girls were burning off some steam and we were waiting for Jon to come back. A lovely lady stopped by to chat (you also meet some really neat people while on the road as well!) and mentioned that we must be very brave to venture out with 3 kids, a very VERY full van and a pooch! Well, we're either brave or CRAZY, I said. And JUST at that moment, a van pulled into the spot one over from ours.

A TRANSPORTING INMATES TO A SECURE FACILITY van with a very clear sign that stated STAY BACK A MINIMUM OF 50 FEET.

So far as I could tell, the van had NOT parked 50 feet away from ours and was presently invading our space bubble.

Ohhh, girllllsssss, I called. Time to get into the van. Our van!

As I loaded everyone in, the passangers of the van got out. 3 inmates. 1 driver. The ratio there seemed a bit concerning to me. Maybe they were "low key" criminals, somewhat sedated, or not considered a huge risk. ANYWAY.

I think it was the first time Little M had ever seen anyone in an orange jump suit and handcuffs. She was a bit concerned! We didn't stick around much longer after that.

You just never know what you'll see on the road!

What I mean when I say life is good

2011-03-22T10:27:00.001-05:00

The other day, someone in church asked me how things were going.
It is a casual question, though asked with true sincerity.
I smile.
I answer honestly.
Life is good.
But, please note, when I say life is good, I don't necessarily mean easy. Or rosy. Or that there are no struggles. Because that simply is not the case.
My imperfections are vast and glaring :).
There are relationships that require work.
There are chores that never seem to get done.
And my baking seldom turns out the way I want it to (which is REALLY irksome and another post for another day!!).

Sometimes it's the little things that bring a person down. We've been fighting a cold around here going on five weeks. The amount of Kleenex we've gone through is phenomenal. Should've bought stocks in the company!! It has morphed from sore throats to sinus infections to red yucky eyes that are not quite pink eye, but look pretty freaky nonetheless!! We've kicked it only it have it surface again. And again. And babies with stuffed sinuses do not enjoy eating or sleeping well (and neither does their mommy!). One night I was awake. Simply awake. Between the sore throat, the coughing fits and just waiting for the next "wake up call," I could not sleep. Needless to say, it's been tiring. There've been things we could not do because we don't want to "spread the love" - people we've not been able to visit, plans we've had to cancel. This doesn't help the cabin fever that is setting in right now --- we are SO ready for spring!!!

Sometimes it is the shock of an unexpected comment. A few weeks ago I was meeting with one of Sweet K's therapists - probably my favorite out of the whole bunch. She's wise, extremely practical and helpful and EVEN helped me with some of my (completely unrelated to our OT session!!) baking questions. I respect her advice and observations.
That is why it took me completely aback when she said to me (we were discussing some long term possibilities and goals at the time) - "I see no reason why K wouldn't thrive really really well in a group home when she is older."
I felt like the wind had been totally knocked out of me.
Group home. Different. An unrequested journey.
Just how different will different be?
Don't panic. I told myself. Stay cool.
Reality is - given what we've been told and the wee bit that we've been able to read - Sweet K will probably have an increasingly hard time learning as she gets older. And, except by miraculous intervention, she will likely require supervised living. We embrace this. We've already started to plan financially for her should this be the case. However, we do not claim to know her future, and leave it open to God. We simply ask Him for His best, and stand in awe as He responds.
So, "good" does not mean easy, without questions or heartache. Those who've wrestled with "different" understand that "different" doesn't have to be very big in order to feel big sometimes.

And other times memories surface that are hard to cope with, and again I find myself back in a moment that is painful, shameful or scary. And I have to resist the urge to react accordingly and instead choose a new way of living. It can be tough and it requires intentionality.

But even in all this, life is still good. It is not good because it is easy or care-free. It is good because God is here. As a wise, dear, lovely friend of mine says, "we gotta just keep turning it all into intercession." She is sweet and she is right ;).

And Light is never more welcome than when it is seen in a dark place.

Sunday morning I was reminded of this little scripture snippet, a gift of words from Paul to Timothy, regarding present struggles... "Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day." 2 Tim. 1:12b.

What have I entrusted to Him? I ask myself.
What do I believe He will guard?
There are many things that come to mind - kids, husband, future, etc. - but really, at the crunch of it ---
My heart. I have the honor of increasingly giving Him my heart.
And I know that He is trustworthy with that.
And that is what makes life good.

We are reading the Chronicles of Narnia series around here. A bit old yet, for Little M, but there are so many classics I haven't read, that I'm starting to read them together with her so that I can!!! And I am drawn to this comment about Aslan: "Of course he is not safe, but He is good."

And because of that, life is good.

Three Wishes

2011-03-17T14:00:00.000-05:00

The girls and I often have odd, and highly humorous conversations around the dinner table.

Yesterday was no exception.

Little M had seen a picture of a genie and a bottle and wondered what it was. I explained that there is a story called Aladdin, with a character named Genie. He lives in a bottle and if a person rubs the bottle, he pops out and grants the person three wishes.

"What would you wish for?" I asked Little M.
Hmmmm. "That there would always be summer and never any snow!" I think most people feel that way right about now!!!
What else? You have two more.... I prompted.
Hmmmmm. "That we would have meat and macaroni & cheese EVERY DAY." She's easy to please ;).
AND....
"That we would have ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-EIGHT BABIES." WHOA!! We laughed. That's a lot of babies. We brainstormed ways that we would take care of 148 babies at one time. Many aunties, the grandmas and some cousins would be required for live-in help :). Little M said that I would require octopus arms to make sure everyone could get fed - I wonder where she's heard that line before!

What about you - would three things would you wish for :)?

A Season For Everything

2011-03-11T15:01:00.001-06:00

A conversation around here went something like this:

Jon: You want a henna tattoo?
Me: Yes.
Jon: Why on earth would you want a henna tattoo?
Me: Because.
...
Because I think they're kinda fun AND they're not permanent. Like nail polish, only it lasts longer :).

I've wanted a henna tattoo for YEARS. But, because I am thrifty and can't stand the thought of paying $25+ for a little doodad that will last MAYBE 6 weeks (probably not) --- I got to thinking --- I can probably do this myself. How hard can it be :)?

Turns out, NOT THAT HARD AT ALL!! The hardest part is finding henna paste. At first I thought I'd have to order it online, but actually found it in a Bangladesh-ian store. I bought henna paste, as opposed to henna powder, because it's already made for you and much easier than getting it right. Since I am a total rookie at this, I thought I'd go all out and spend the extra $1 for the paste. Did I mention that you can get a significant amount of henna paste for FOUR DOLLARS!? Yes. Four dollars, some creativity and approximately 20 minutes gets you exactly what you'd spend $25-30 on for a "professional" tattoo.

With respect to the season of Lent, I decided to add this to my wrist - a daily reminder of Who I am striving to live for (which, incidentally, is not myself, though that is what happens all-too-often):

Now this being my first time and all, you can still see the ink marks I used as a guide. And, a few days later it is already quite faded, so I'll have to reapply the henna. The longer you leave it on, the longer it lasts. As I was experimenting I didn't leave it on long enough. More practice :).

A few things about henna tattoos - be careful - not all products are safe. I did a bit of net research, and you can get some serious chemical burns from "fake" henna. Which really defeats the purpose of using a "natural" product. Also, keeping it in the fridge makes the paste consistency easier to apply. Beware of dirt clumps in the applicator tube - it took me a while to get mine completely clear - but after that, it was super easy to apply. And really really mess free. Note to self - don't wear long sleeves while applying henna to your wrist. It's really annoying and you can wreck a really nice shirt!!!

During this Lenten season, this will be the only henna tattoo I will wear.
After that, I'll experiment a little bit more.
Should be fun :)!

Music

2011-03-11T14:49:00.000-06:00

I just CANNOT listen to this song and stay in a grumpy mood.
Not that I'm EVER grumpy, mind you.
But if I was. I would listen to this song.
And be instantly cheery again :).

Whattcha think.
Time for a hoe-down :)?

Words words words words words words

2011-03-09T16:22:00.001-06:00

I love words.
A lot.
I'm full of 'em.
That means I talk a lot for those who didn't quite catch that :).

I love having words around my house.
In fact, I'd have just as many framed "words" as pictures.

This little note sits on top of the piano in the living room.

A daily reminder.

This also sits in the living room.

A reason for our hope.

Hmmm. Can't really tell, but it says RELAX.

Yes. Another great reminder.

This was a project I did for the church prayer room.

Lots of words. A LOT of painting :).

Took a bit .... longer than I thought!

Recently I acquired some "wall words" from Dollarama. Now, I have a bit of an issue with Dollarama. In fact, I was going to do a whole post on Dollarama. A dilemma. Like how we seem to acquire a lot of trinkets from Dollarama and sometimes it drives me crazy. And I have envisioned getting in a small little motorized scooper to drive around to scoop it all up and dump it in a corner. BUT THAT WOULDN'T BE VERY PRACTICAL. AND you can get cheap gel pens and markers, craft supplies, cards, stationary, picture frames, various household items like a cheap but useful microcloth duster and all sorts of other things. So. I guess, in the end, it's okay.

Anyway. Yesterday I got to put up my two dollar Dollarama project.

I have a blank sheet of wall --- what to do what to do --- we've only lived here for 10.5 years --- and I finally found a way of filling space without getting too overwhelming:

And they are STICKERS. So, if I ever want 'em off they are apparently easy to peel off.
I also have a beautiful christmas quilt wall hanging that I can hang up seasonly, should I ever get it done. It's beautiful, really. Just haven't had a lot of time to sit and quilt these days :).
I want to turn the bottom part of this wall into a picture frame collage - however I need to go find some black frames to help round out the assorted collection of frames we've acquired from our holidays. I'll keep you posted :).

Welcome Our Newest Addition!

2011-03-04T14:41:00.000-06:00

No, we haven't quickly gone off and had another baby.

I am fairly confident that we are finished with that season of life.

So confident I am stating it publicly.

We are not going to run off and have another baby.

There.

Got that off my chest.

Anyway.

Prior to leaving for Florida (and by prior I mean the day before leaving as we are madly scrambling to pack and sort and pack some more) our fish of many years (five, I think) just up and died.

Just like that. Belly up.

This fish had been a part of our family for a long time - and had probably been the most affected "family member" as we started having babies. The babies take first priority. Then the dog. Then what? We have a fish? It still needs clean water and food?

Yes, he was a bit neglected.

I had to clean his (his? her? how can one really tell!?) tank prior to leaving. I had made "fish sitting" arrangements with my sister. Everything was lined up to go. Suddenly I hear HOWLING coming from the kitchen area. Folks, it is the end of the day. I was tired a long LONG time ago. In typical sensitive Leah fashion I holler out - OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE WHAT IS IT NOW!?!?

The fish. Is dead. Like Little M finding it floating on the top of the water dead. (It was in a container on the counter while I cleaned the tank.)

Oh. Sorry 'bout that. So we have a little conversation about life and death and the finite nature of it all. Which is exactly what you want to be talking about right before bed time. Right :P? Little M recovered pretty quickly and soon we had a conversation about the excitement of picking out NEW FISH for our aquarium.

Here it is: my cute little bubble gum aquarium:

What you cannot see are the three teeny tiny neon tetras we purchased for this NON HEATED tank. They warned us, oh yes they did, that the fish might not live long without heated water. But they were so pretty we went with them rather than your average orange comet fish. Truthfully, I love having fish and I had many when I was a teenager. In a non heated tank (this non heated tank, actually!) and I do not recall having to flush them away very often! Well, these fish never really ... adapted ... that well, and one night all three of them up and died. Just like that. Belly up.

So, we ended up having ANOTHER conversation about life and death. But Little M had been forewarned. Presently the tank is clean, but empty. And waiting for some hardier comet fish. To continue buying lovely little neon tetras every week would be costly (and rather unkind to the fish, too!).

SO. We're moving on to plant life.
Somewhere around Little M's first birthday I chucked all my indoor plants. They were straggly, ugly; very ugly. I couldn't stand them any more. Adjusting to life with children, I neglected plants and fish.

But now I'm turning over a new leaf (pardon the pun) and am ready to try again!

TADA. A new hibiscus plant. It's in a sunny spot and I've been told it likes frequent waterings (that could be an issue!).
I am hoping that it will thrive.
I hope I've learned something in these last five parenting years - nurturing is an important skill.
Practice often.

And just this week I ordered seeds for my garden. Spring is on the horizon (or so I'm told by the farmers almanac) and I can't wait to dig in and get started. This year I'll have an extra helper (but it might be much easier than trying to garden while 8 3/4 months pregnant. That was an adventure.) but I am sure she'll be out of morning naps by then and we'll have mornings outside together.

Nothing fancy grows in my garden. And I'm trying to develop the maturity that tackles HARVEST with the same zest and enthusiasm as PLANTING (why do I run out of steam when all that preserving work needs to be done :P?). But that is another post for a different day!

Things I Never Thought I'd See

2011-03-04T10:35:00.000-06:00

One of the things I never thought I'd see in my earthly life was Jesus using hairspray.
Yes. You read that right.

Jesus uses aerosol hairspray.

Before you wonder if I managed to have an out-of-body experience, let me explain :).
Never did I see a bright light (though I did wonder if I would perish from laughing so hard!!).

One of the activities we did while in Florida was visit the Holy Land Experience. Think living biblical museum. It was interesting. The park itself is not very big, and so it is easy to find your way around. The sketches were actually very funny and well done, I thought. And I enjoyed the singing.

Anyway.

It was close to lunch time. There was a very realistic reenactment of the passion story happening. (Which was quite graphic so we did not take the girls to see it - Little M was already wondering why people were beating up "Jesus" and why the soldiers were so mean and why there was red on the ground - lots of fuel for great questions and conversations though!) We decided to go find a suitable lunching area while there were very few people wandering around. We sat down at some picnic tables - which happened to provide a back-stage viewing area for the aforementioned passion story.

I was busy trying to keep the girls entertained while waiting.
And then I looked up.
And I burst out laughing.

There was Jesus, behind the scenes...
shaking out and fluffing his hair...
going through a significant amount of aerosol hairspray!!

And when I say Jesus was fluffing his hair, I don't mean just a little scrunch scrunch.
I mean head upside down, flinging his dark curly locks all over the place, eightys-head-banging, hairsprayed to the max fluffing.
It was hilarious!!!

I have no idea what "scene" came next in the passion story. Perhaps Jesus was about to break out of the tomb and needed a quick fix-up.
I'm not exactly sure.
I just know that the scene is forever branded in my memory and I will never look at a can of aerosol hairspray in the same way again.

Sometimes you need a little finesse, sometimes you need a lot!

ANYWAY.

It reminded me of how, as believers, sometimes it is hard to find the right words to describe the wonder of Jesus. It can be a challenge to explain the essence of gospel; to share of our spiritual experiences. We stumble in our explanations, grapple for the right analogy, and even with other believers we can encounter this challenge.
Indeed, "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 1 Corinthians 1:18

I think that is why well-written spiritual books and songs are so vital to our christian life. They help put into words the things we experience and help describe the wonder of knowing God and enhance our understandings of things that are hard to explain.

And however we try - we must keep trying.

This group of people spend their days trying to communicate the love of God through story, song and narration. God uses that to bless people and to turn hearts toward Him. It is good.

Even if "Jesus" does have a bit of an obsession with hairspray :).

In the business of shaping hearts

2011-02-27T21:33:00.000-06:00

Next time I get asked what I do for a living, I am tempted to respond -
"Oh. I'm in the business of shaping hearts."
And what a delightful (and often challenging!) business it is!!

I cannot think of a higher responsibility, nor greater honor, than shaping the hearts of these little ones that God has entrusted to my care. The days that we spend together seem to fly by too quickly. Before I know it, another week is gone; another month, another year.

Recently I picked up a good book:

I've read through the first several chapters, and all I can say is that IT IS GOOD.
Have you read it? Any thoughts on it?

Just in case this never happens again!

2011-02-22T09:44:00.002-06:00

Just for the record, this morning we made it to school in record-for-Leah time!

Somehow, even with a shower, getting three kiddos ready, two off to school, and dressing up a bit myself, we actually made it to school with time to spare.

Like sit-in-the-van-for-FIVE-MINUTES time to spare.

I tell ya, this ~~rarely~~ never happens!! We are usually the ones running down the street with the double stroller, laughing our heads off because we must look like QUITE the sight :). Three babes on a stroller built for two, back packs flapping in the breeze, hats bobbin' and scarves wavin' as this mama keeps repeating -- well THIS is my workout for the day. (Those strollers get HEAVY particularly if there is a nasty windchill ;P.) Keeps the neighbors entertained, anyway!

And now I'm enjoying some lovely quiet time to myself.
A cup of coffee,
a bit of country music
and some blessed PAQ.
Life is good :).

And they're OFF!

2011-02-17T22:01:00.000-06:00

Well. It's just a humble little donation, but every stitch was sewn with love :). I really enjoyed putting together these little hats for Caps For Good.

I did manage to create ten little hats - 5 for girls, 5 for boys - and get them sent off before we left Florida. I thought the shipping might be more reasonable AND they'd actually arrive on time.

For once in my lifetime, I might actually be EARLY!!

Anyway, I hunted high and lo for the perfect little embellishments, but nothing specific caught my eye. Due to fatigue and time constraints, only one little beanie got a flower :). But HEY, it was fun and I can't wait to do it again! I am hoping to find a few more patterns (though I've already "created" one of my own and maybe I can do a few like that) and start building a stock. Since they can be finished up in one evening, they are a delightful project to have in the van or beside the TV chair (except that I seldom watch tv!).

Thanks to those who've responded. Your contributions are delightful! So excited to hear about others who are on board with this!

The Gift Of Time

2011-02-15T11:14:00.000-06:00

Among life's provisional resources, time is one of the most precious to me. How I spend my time is very important to me - and how I waste my time is too!! There never seems to be "enough time," or it seems to move too fast or too slow. More and more, I am coming to see time as a Gift.

This fall, our little clan experienced a rare gift of time. Jon was able to take a 10-week (with 2 extra weeks at Christmas) parental leave. Due to benefits through his employer, this was a financially feasible opportunity. That meant that the kids had their dad around, I had adult conversation throughout the day and there was always someone to keep babies at home while the older one(s) made the trek to school in the cold!!

While this chance of a lifetime was a blessing, it was not without its work. Two adults, having to share space 24/7, used to doing things "their own way" requires communication, intentionality and a healthy dose of grace!!! It means ensuring that expectations and boundaries are clearly discussed (and understood!) and that it is okay to accept help every once and a while :). It means that not everything has to be done in a certain way (as a SAHM, this is a particular challenge because my house is also my 'workspace' and I am used to having things organized in a way that makes sense to moi!).

We also got to take a family vacation. When Jon first brought this up (I am fairly convinced he was waiting for just the right time, as he is quite patient that way, but he dropped the bombshell at supper with the kids bouncing everywhere :P).... I just stared at him.

Blink. Blink.
You're kidding, right!?
Quiet.
Do you REMEMBER the last time we took a lengthy trip away and I almost completely and entirely lost my marbles!???!
Clears throat. Let's me continue to vent. He's a smart man!
LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOU WANT TO GO AWAY FOR SIX WEEKS, WITH BABIES, AND STROLLERS AND DIAPERS AND HALF THE HOME AND YOU WANT TO PACK IT ALL IN THE VAN AND DRIVE TO FLORIDA -- WHICH MAY I REMIND YOU IS LIKE A 30+ HOUR DRIVE -- AND DID I MENTION THERE ARE BABIES INVOLVED!?!?!?
Yes. I do.

Oh man.
Keep in mind, this was before Wee One was born and I had no IDEA if we'd have any difficult surprises, if I'd wrestle with post-partum darkness again, and I certainly wasn't sure I was up for any adventures. And I like adventures. But REASONABLE ones!!!

Long LONG story short - we did it! We went away for six weeks (left Dec 29 in a dreadful snowstorm and returned February 10) and lived to tell the tale (though I wasn't so sure I would some times!). And you know what!? It was a big blessing. A SIGNIFICANT amount of work too, this business of traveling withe 3 little ones 5 years and younger, but a gift that will only grow sweeter with time. We did all sorts of fun things like Disney and Sea World, but my FAVORITE times were spent watching the girls gain confidence in the pool, hanging out in the sunshine, talking with Jon about our goals for the next few years (a rare treat, considering that most of the time our conversations are somewhat interrupted!) and so on. We came home quite wrinkled from having spent 4 days in the van on the way home, but refreshed.

God is One who offers us the gift of TIME. Time to live and breathe and love, to wrestle and work things through, and have adventures. Some of them are quite extravagant (like this); mostly the gift of time arrives in sweet little packages throughout the days.

Most importantly, he gives us the gift of time to FIND HIM!

⁶ Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
Isaiah 55:6

May the gift of time be even sweeter because it is shared with HIM!

Luxurious me :)

2011-01-31T15:26:00.000-06:00

The other day I had a salad.
Not really notable (other than the fact that I don't really like salads!).
But this tasted like a bit of heaven!!

Wee One was the first baby that I could nurse. What a gift this was (I didn't think so at the beginning, but after a while :)...). It was one prayer I had during pregnancy - one that I thought would never happen. With Little M, after weeks of interventions, my milk never came in. I always joked that I had a "let down with the let down." :). With Sweet K, life pretty much fell apart after Day 3, so I didn't need one more thing to worry about.

Last baby. Last opportunity. Wee One.

And wouldn't ya know.... with a significant amount of learning and effort, finally a breast fed baby!!

She has a pretty sensitive system, so there was much I could not eat for the next 6 months. Salads. FRESH GARDEN VEGGIES THAT I HAD SO LOVINGY MANAGED TO PLANT IN THE VIGOROUS NESTING PHASE!!! Popcorn. Coffee (except for one precious cup in the morning.) Cheese.

OHHH MAN!

With the first two babies, I also struggled through post-partum darkness. The first took a year to work through. The second - TWO YEARS. I joked with a friend when pregnant this last time - either, it'll be a walk in the park OR I'll be out for THREE YEARS!! YIKES!!!

Thankfully, this time around was pretty straight-forward. Another gift.

Lately, I can feel myself returning to "normal." (Re)Discovering things that I enjoy. Finding things for myself that fit with this season of my life. Taking time for myself here and there. Making time for conversations and solitude. Blending all the roles and responsibilities with who I am. It is good.

And eating normally again!
OH MAN!
The salad tasted spectacular, I munched down as many fresh green beans as humanly possible. I can't begin to describe CHEESE PIZZA, guilt and worry free. DeLISH.

Life's little luxuries feel good!

Front porch living in a backyard world....

2011-01-22T07:35:00.000-06:00

A couple of summers ago we were able to complete the fence around our backyard. Since both of our neighbors had fences already, this wasn't really that hard. We used fencing to close up the yard on either side of the house, and used a chicken-wire fence to close off the back. (The chicken wire becomes almost invisible in the lilac hedge and allows us to keep the "view" of open prairie land behind our house!)

Voila. It is perfect for kids. You can send them out to play and not be worried about them heading to the road or onto neighboring properties.

However, it also acts like a fortress. Keeps us seperated from the rest of the world.

Some days I think I could easily become a hermit. With so much activity indoors, and an introvert by nature, it takes a lot of effort to get out, mingle with the neighbors and connect with my community.

Last summer, I intentionally played in the front yard with the kids. Consequently we had a lot of impromptu play times with our neighbors, cultivating relationships with dear friends and making some new ones too. My kids are already begging for warm enough weather to play outdoors with their friends again. Oh, and freezies. Can't forget the freezies!!!

Before Christmas, I was able to host a Cookie Party. I invited gals of all ages from up and down the street, and their kids too, and we gathered for a morning of getting-to-know-you visists, chuckles and catch-up conversations. Some women I knew before this, others I had only briefly met. Kids were given an opportunity to decorate cookies at the table, and it was a way for me to share all the white-chocolate covered pretzels I'd made (and didn't want to eat all myself!!).

I cannot begin to say how much this was a blessing to me. It was a full morning (even busier getting ready for it) but the time was a gift and a highlight of my advent season. Little M was asking me when we could do it again - I was asking the same thing! SUMMER!! When we can set up the sprinkler ;).

These are little attempts to become a part of, and even contribute to, the community around me. It is so easy to drift along, focused on my own life and wants and needs. In a day and age when much emphasis is placed on individualism, this is very refreshing indeed.

So, I'm also on the look-out for new ideas :).
How do you cultivate community in your world?

My Littlest BoBo

2011-01-21T07:25:00.000-06:00

Seems like each of my kids has a plethora of nicknames!! Each one seems to resonate with an aspect of who they are and have stuck.

Don't worry, I often call them by their given names too, and not just when they are in trouble!!

Somehow, Wee One got the nickname BoBo. I think Little M got it started with, "HEY THERE, BoBo." And we've been using it ever since!

It's hard to imagine that my Littlest BoBo is over seven months old already. Maybe it's because she's so active, and maybe it's because our journey with Sweet K has taught me to deeply appreciate every little milestone, but she seems to be moving through these stages very quickly! Just this week she figured out that if life is boring while sitting down, you scooch to your tummy and start to squirm. We are just around the bend from crawling. YIKES!!

She's an adorable little gem. She's highly opinionated and quick to offer her perspective.
What a joy.

When I look at her, I often think of what I would have missed if fear had ruled our desire to have another child. After Sweet K, it would've been easy to take the safer route, not open oneself up to change and chance once again. However, experience has taught me that if I based my decision on fear, there would always be a part of me that was not at rest. The part that wanted to get to know and raise and nuture one more baby. The part that desires the best out of this life, and sometimes, though not every time, that involves taking a risk. This felt like a pretty big risk :)!!

At this time last year, we were waiting for test results, waiting for doctors and specialists once again. Our initial ultrasound detected an issue with the baby. My first phone call with the genetist office (the same doctor we have for Kezia) consisted of outlining the possibilities. Cystic Fibrosis. Spina Bifida. Downs Syndrome.

Oh MAN. I took a deeeep breath. I cried a bit. Some days a bit more :). I prayed.
Where would this adventure take us!!?

At a follow-up fetal assessment, we were reassured that everything looked fine. Head circumference was normal and the initial detection was a false alarm.

As a special gift, our technician asked if we wanted to see 3-D images of our baby!
Suddenly there she was!!! Snug and safe and cozy as can be.
(Only we didn't know it was a "she" at the time!!)
An extra blessing was just around the corner - the technician PRINTED OFF these beautiful photos and gave them to us! Just for fun.
God knew what I needed, when I needed it. I am so grateful!!

There've been times when I've backed away from a blessing because I was too afraid to embrace it. What have I missed out on? I'll never know. But I know there is grace to start again. And grace to teach me the importance of pressing through the fear to making the clearest decision as possible. That doesn't mean it'll all turn out quite the way I want it, but then I know deep down I've moved forward in faith, not fear, and that brings peace.

Every day I look at this baby and I am reminded of this truth.
So far she's been healthy, happy (most of the time now, though she started off as a very passionate cryer!!!) and sweet as can be.
My littlest BoBo is a gift, for sure!!

Put Your Head On My Shoulder

2011-01-09T22:26:00.000-06:00

For some reason that I can only attribute to hormones, fatigue and post-partum funk, I had the (mistaken) notion when Little M was born that sleeping with your wee one was a bad thing. Like I had failed as a parent in getting them to take their first step towards independence or something like that. Because she was such a good night time sleeper, this wasn't really a huge issue, except that at some level I wrestled with this idea of what it meant to be a "successful" parent. And I still grieve the times I missed cozying up for a little nap together rather than insisting that she do things my way.

Five years into this journey, I am a little (and only a little ;P) wiser. I could not sleep with my kids in my bed all the time (it'd be a bit full with all three, Jon, myself and the pooch!!), but I have discovered the delight of snuggling in for a nap or even the occassional night with my little ones.

In the past month we've combatted the flu twice. Consequently we had out of the ordinary sleep arrangements so that we could quickly tend to sick kids and crying babies with minimal disruption. Minimal disruption!? Whatever. There's always disruption with sick kids. We just needed to be quick with the barf bucket!! About two weeks ago, we found our sleep situation all scrambled up again, and this time Little M asked to sleep with me! Moi! She's been a daddy's girl from early on, but lately she's been showing more and more signs of (just maybe :P) needing her mama too!

She slept all night long with her head on my shoulder. I was a wee bit stiff in the morning, however I wouldn't have changed a thing. These days are few and far between and they won't last long. Just last night we were out and about, and Sweet K had had both a stress-filled and very long day. In the end, she curled up in my arms, her 3-year-old body relaxed, and she too fell into a cozy snooze. She got heavy after a while, but I didn't want to move. The time goes so fast.

Sometimes I too feel weary and sad, stressed or just in need of a snuggle. I long to curl up in a secure place and enjoy the sense of safety and comfort. Even though the world may be falling apart at the seams, there are still pockets of peace.

I'm learning to soak in all the snuggles I can. I still get caught up in my routines, my chores, my own preoccupations. However, slowly, I am learning to say yes to the out-of-the-ordinary arrangements and find myself caught up in extraordinary moments.

What the heck!? A new year already!?!?

2011-01-03T07:37:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I went to write the date in my journal this morning.
And it finally dawned on me that we've started another year!
The past few weeks have been crazy, and I'm just starting to catch my breath. Aside from preparing for the christmas festivities, there was the bout with the flu, getting ready for Little M's birthday party (which we had to postpone due to aforementioned flu!), gatherings with friends and family and preparing for a family holiday.

I had to laugh to myself. When I thought about the start of a new year, and the things I'd like to be intentional about in the coming 365 days, two very specific things came to mind. They are not very profound :).

1. Use fewer exclamation points in my electronic communications!! See, there I did it again! And AGAIN! Whether it's email, the ocassional facebook entry (I don't visit the "social network" very often) or a blog post, I seem to be highly addicted to the frequent use of exclamation points!! Read any entry - you'll see what I mean. I'm not sure if I just have an over-abudance of exuberance or if it is just bad form, but it's something to work on ;).

2. I would like to watch more tv. WHAT!? You may be asking yourself. Most people try to reduce their tv-watching. Well, particularly since Wee One arrived, I have found myself on my feet until 11 or 12 at night, just getting stuff done. On more than one occasion I have said to Jon, Where do people find the time to watch tv! I would love to sit down for an hour every evening or two and just veg! I'm not sure if it's because I have unrealistic expectations of what needs to get accomplished by the end of the day, but HEY, at some point we need clean dishes, clean undies and a place to walk across the floor without stepping on fisher price animals!!! I know that this is not healthy and a little R&R at the end of a day would probably help me be a better mommy too!!

What kinds of hopes and dreams do you have for the coming year....

Tell Me The Story Of Jesus...

2010-12-25T09:42:00.001-06:00

This fall, I've had the remarkable privilege of hanging out with a great bunch of kids every Sunday morning. The teach me every week - and every so often, I get to teach too!!

This December, I had the privilege of sharing the christmas story with them. It's a story they've heard over and over, and after sharing the story we had a "birthday party for Baby Jesus," complete with party games, music and snacks. WHAT FUN!

I remember when this story first began to change my heart. I was 18 1/2. It was January 2, 1998. I was moving through life, not with the greatest of ease. In fact, life felt very very complicated. It was on this particular morning that I was driving to work in a nearby community. I was running late (some things never change!!) and in attempt to make up for lost time, I decided to take a "short cut" through the country. I misjudged a snow pile on the road and ended up very very very stuck. Like all-4-wheels-are-off-the-ground, I'm-not-getting-out-of-this-by-myself, gotta-go-get-dad STUCK!

Sigh. So much for making up for lost time!!

As I sat behind the steering wheel (SERIOUSLY NOT AT ALL DRESSED FOR THE -30 TEMPS EITHER!!), I remember "praying." Venting. Demanding. Hoping that God would get me out of this scrape. I didn't want the inconvenience. Not at all pretty!! And for the first time ever, I experienced the silence of heaven. This is less about not getting the "prayer answer" I was hoping for, and more about the fact that I was using communication with God as a means to an end (an easy life) rather than a means to a relationship. And He was not about to be manipulated.

If you've ever had an argument with someone, and did all of the yelling, screaming, swearing :), venting, complaining, pouting, demanding, manipulating --- and then that person was completely silent in return --- you'll have an idea of how this felt. Completely unnerving. I did not have the capacity to process the beginning of this awareness at this time, nor did I have any idea what changes had begun in my heart. I just knew that something had happened and a change had begun. Grace was a glimmer on the horizon and that would begin to alter the course of my life forever.

As I was preparing my Sunday School lesson at the beginning of December, the words from this hymn kept running through my mind...

Tell me the story of Jesus,
Write on my heart every word.
Tell me the story most precious,
Sweetest that ever was heard.
Tell how the angels in chorus,
Sang as they welcomed His birth.
“Glory to God in the highest!
Peace and good tidings to earth.”

Refrain

Tell me the story of Jesus,
Write on my heart every word.
Tell me the story most precious,
Sweetest that ever was heard.

The story of extravagant grace.

Of limitless love.

Of truth and justice and a God who loves us enough to say what needs to be said ...

... or let silence speak for itself.

As I finish this post, the kids are now awake and zooming around the house! Wee one is getting a ride in a walker, Sweet K is rubbing the sleepies out of her eyes and Little M is keeping us all entertained! We're getting ready to celebrate christmas as a family, opening gifts, eating snacks and in our own way, having a "baby Jesus birthday party." The snow is falling outside and I've already received the gift of quiet, uninterrupted time to "just be" this morning before anyone else was up (a very RARE treat!!).

It is good.

Today, as you move about your own festivities, may you too be singing the words, "tell me the story of Jesus...."

Merry Christmas!