Angels Among Us

Confession time. I used to listen to country and western music. A lot.

Oh, and I also had a fascination with the pop rock band Roxette. Their concert was my very first. I felt so grown up. (I was only in grade 8 .... with my friend and without my parents .... can you imagine!???) If you can still sing the words to The Look or Joyride we would probably get along very well :). Oh mercy, ain't that some hair!!!

But back to C&W music for a moment. Alabama used to sing a song called "Angels Among Us." Doesn't that sound nice :)? And the other morning, when we ventured out of our house in between plummeting wind chills and snow storms (we had 3 different storms in 2 days, which doesn't make for great winter driving!) it's the first song that came to mind.

It's hard to tell, because the skies were very cloudy and lighting wasn't great, but someone visited our driveway, and in the freshly fallen snow, had left us a whole choir of angels!

As we tiptoed through the imprints, trying so hard not to disturb them (though you will notice one or two sliced in half because of tire tracks and Jon having to leave for school!!), I thought of all the encouragers God places in our life. In my life. I grew up in a very small community, and it was probably a little easier to hear gossip than grace, criticism rather than compliments. Maybe this wasn't the case. Maybe people were more open and affirming and positive than I remember.

In fact, I can remember when I was one of those critical people. And I recall distinctly when I was held accountable for it. I was in high school, sitting in the gym at lunch time. There were a few of us girls sitting around watching volleyball inter murals I believe. (I played volleyball. I also did not play volleyball very well!!!!) In jest, I was making critical remarks about some people on the court. Some of the girls were laughing. And that encouraged me to keep making remarks. I don't think they were cruel words, but certainly not edifying. Gossip over grace is what generated the laugh. Until one girl spoke up to me. Stood up to my words. "Wow. You are a really negative person, aren't you?" I was stunned. In general I thought I was a pretty POSITIVE person. "Negative" fit in the same category as "angry" or "direct", and as a "christian" I thought I wasn't supposed to be those things. Act that way.

Her words caught me off guard. I'm pretty sure she was just super-annoyed with me and spoke up, and had no idea that, even to this day, her words would continue to teach me.

Like hours, breaths, dollars, moments --- we have a certain amount of words, actions, prayers that we will be able to fit into our day.
Are my words seasoned with grace?
Are my actions encouraging?
Are my prayers edifying?

There are "angels" in my life that God has used to encourage me over and over again. Honest answers (even when they are tough ones). Surprise notes in the mail. Treasured affirmations. Angel wings in my driveway.
He has used people that are regularly part of my life.
And He has used people that have no clue how much they have forever influenced me.
God is so good. :)

And hopefully, I can share this goodness with others as well.
If gossip over grace generated the laugh in the moment, it's
"...grace that has brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home." ~ Amazing Grace

When in doubt, begin again!

Breathe in, breathe out ---- and welcome to a new year.... a new start.... a new day.

Photo credit

If you promise not to laugh {and even if you don't, I guess!} I will tell you how I celebrated the start to a "new year."
I sat at my kitchen table....
probably with a cup of tea {Jon got me started on loose leaf tea this Christmas, and it is DE-LISH!}
 up.dat.ing. my calendar. I am that cool!!

In my defence :) --- we had just returned from a two-night stay in Fargo ON Dec 31, which turned out to be so very restful. Apparently we don't do this very often, and when the Border Crossing Guard guy asked us why, Jon chuckled and said, "because.... we have kids" :). It's not that we don't enjoy a Grand Adventure with our girls - we've had quite a few, actually. But, in the ebb and flow of life, sometimes it feels like it requires so much more energy to spend a day packing every one up and a day cleaning every one up just to enjoy a day away. {And, I confess, we do a bit of camping in the summer, and that also gives us that get-a-way fix!} But this was SO worth it, and we will do it again.

However, it also meant that we didn't have company .... or go away .... or create a fancy home-meal .... or anything "out of the ordinary" for "New Years Eve." Unless, I guess, you count vegetables. Upon returning from our little Family Vacation, L begged me, "Mommmmy, PROMISE ME you'll make vegetables for supper!!" She was tired of restaurant food, no matter how yummy it seems to be! I gave her LOTS of vegetables for supper ;).

There are many ways to celebrate that fresh start. Parties, friends, family.... or quiet.
A quiet reflection on God's faithfulness this past year. There have been countless evidences of His grace. Thousands of mercies, and fresh starts each day. A zillion times I have fallen, and even more times when He has helped me to my feet again.

A moment to look through the calendar and marvel at all that has happened.
The good (the week we decided to build a brand new house!)...
the bad (difficult doctor appointments, challenging development appointments)...
and the downright ugly (family who required emergency trips to the hospital, those seasons of fatigue when everything feels heavy and tough).

A chance to sit in the quiet, enjoying the lull after a full-of-life season, and take in a deep breath. There are many good things on the horizon.
Our house is scheduled to be finished sometime this spring (March/April).
We will say good bye to this beloved place, and embrace God's n.e.x.t. for us.
There is rhythm and routine on the horizon, something I always enjoy.
There will be times with family and friends, the diversity of seasons of life and the solitude of home-life.
There will be adventures and a lot of laughter, and growth and all those wonderful things.

But it's also a time to take a deep breath for those difficult things too.
This past year we discovered that K has epilepsy. A life-challenging diagnosis that will keep us searching and working toward health and well-being for quite some time.
This year we will say good-bye to our beloved neighbourhood. And even though we'll be in the same town, there will be things that will change. It's been so easy to have kids run back and forth, sharing sunny afternoons and cloudy mornings together. Out of our three girlies, this will affect K the most. I'm nervous about this transition for her.

Starting a new year is like starting a new journal. You never know what mercy, what love, what uphill battle scars will spill across those pages. It's thrilling and challenging and altogether full of life.

Words of wisdom for a new year...
Colossians 3:23, 24:

"Whatever you do, 
work at it with all your heart, 
as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 
since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. 
It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

Welcome to a brand new day!

Sometimes it's hard to know where to begin....

Only NINE more sleeps until RIDE DAY.
I am wondering what kind of weather we'll have :)....
whether or not I'll be able to pull of a humble fundraiser that has been on my heart....
and what kind of team will come together.
Our team captain is a beautiful advocate and an inspiration to me :).
Frequently we receive emails.... updates.... reminders of what we are doing.... and why.

Because I admit, it is easy for me to get overwhelmed.
One quick glance at the news, and I wonder where does one even begin....
One drive thru the city (even close by.....) and I wonder how does my one life fit in with theirs....
You've given me so much.... how can I share.... where can I love.... because it's all so much and I will go back into my comfortable little hiding if I don't know where to begin.

And this year, that's why I'm riding.

Not because I know the ins and outs of how I fit into this "Your Kingdom here on earth...." yet. Because I don't. 

I do know that God has saved me for a reason,
     and not for my own comfort,
          my own complacency,
but to give out of His plenty.
Not money.
Love.





By supporting those who are already giving Love, doing what they can to be the hands and feet of Jesus to people who come into their care, I am supporting what I long to do someday.
What I try to practice today.
Give love.... life.... and hope.
Out of His abundance.
And because He has first given Life and Love and Hope to me.

We can't fix it. That's okay. We're not asked to fix anything.
But we can Love.
I want to honor the work of the CPC and the ways in which they seek to live this out.
Nine more sleeps till Ride Day.

You can read more about the Ride For Refuge....
Ride #1
The RIDE
Ride #2
How can it be....

Pinterest treasures

With some chagrin, I admit that I have become quite fascinated by Pinterest.

I tend to avoid trends like the plague, but my sweet sister (who was also, incidentally, the one [animal lover] who convinced me [not-animal-lover] that my life would never be complete if we didn't have an indoor dog) introduced me to it one day. The girls and I had gone over to her place to visit.

She makes the most amazing food, so I had invited myself to stay for lunch :). 

After we settled the kids with a video, we grabbed a cup of fresh, hot coffee and talked about whatever we could fit into 15 quiet minutes (not that the video was only 15 minutes long, but that's generally the full length of the quiet window of opportunity).

And she, who will always be infinitely cooler than I am, whipped out her laptop and introduced me to the world of Pinterest.
And life has never been the same.

I will admit, Pinterest gets a lot of flack. There's a lot of ick content on there, but if you only search for recipes, kid crafts and christmas decorations, it filters out pretty quickly. Also, there is a bit of a battle, so it seems, between Pinterest moms (moms who do these super amazing crafts with their kids and let them do crazy things like finger paint .... for fun ... I hyperventilate around finger painting....) and moms who aren't as much into those things but feel a terrible sense of guilt because of it. Sigh.

BUT, this summer I found a WINNER.
And it has to do with (...suspense building...) LAUNDRY.
YES. It's fascinating. I know.

I will blog about it soon, but lately the LORD has been working in my heart a matter of simplicity, and how it can begin (or continue, rather) to apply to my life. I've been evaluating everything from cleaners (actually quite trendy, but as usual I'm lagging behind, perhaps my own form of trend-rebellion) to food ... even to blogging ... and well, all of life actually. It's great, and I'm learning tons.... and I'm also learning things that just don't work for me right now too :).

In my travels through this particular topic, I came across a natural laundry cleaner that will remove THE most stubborn stain you'll ever encounter....
stains bleach can't fix it ....
boiling vinegar water can't cure it ....
nothing short of tossing a t-shirt will remedy.
Armpit. stains.

At first I contemplated taking pictures of all this, to document it like the cool bloggers do.
But then I thought again, and somehow posting pictures of airing my dirty laundry (no pun intended) just didn't seem very suave. So. Google it. You'll find scads of pictures of dirty armpit shirts that are magically white and bright and beautiful and smell lovely again.

Try this. Your summer t-shirts will THANK YOU for it.
And you'll minimize that pile of icky clothes that you're not ready to part with.
And you'll re-add a few treasures to your wardrobe.
And you'll have accomplished this in less than 10 minutes, probably less than 10 cents.
See? Simplicity.... if there was ever any doubt.....

Check out THIS PINTEREST LINK for details...
The claim says:

Goodbye to yellow armpit stains! 1 tsp. Dawn, 3-4 tsp. Hydrogen Peroxide, 2 tbsp. baking soda. Mix together, rub in, and be amazed!

One spot said 3-4 tsp one said TBSP. I didn't know that at first and went with tsp. It worked well. Maybe TBSP would be even better???

Oh, and in case this wasn't clear ---- not only white t-shirst, but ANY t-shirts. I've used this on a variety of colours and not noticed any negative effect on the fabric. If you have a $90 t shirt that you're nervous about, try it on a cheaper version first, just to be safe :).

So there you have it. A pinterest treasure.
But, in case you're like me, and need to laugh at pinterest too from time to time..... I had a chuckle over this one ;)....... Pinterest Nailed-It

ps - If you're a Pinterest Mom, bless you. :)

Summer love

Seems like there are summer-love blog posts just about everywhere these days :).
And rightly so. There's something so life-giving about the vibrancy of colour, the flip-flop tan lines, the jungle garden forming in the background, the cup of tea on the deck at the end of a full day.

Between the learning and growing and refining moments :), some fun ways we've found to celebrate these hazy days....

During the hot hot days, we pull out the sprinkler!

Poor pooch, as the unofficial "smaller brother" of an almost-all-gal crew around here, he gets signed up for a lot more than he bargained for!

Summer skies --- courtesy of M :).

BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS. Since we don't have a local library, a neighboring community offers us out-of-towners a summer rate of TEN BUCKS!!! for a membership. It's fabulous. A trip to the library. A stop at a park for lunch. Home for nap time. Voila. Summer love!

Camping with family - camp fires, smores, crazy cousins and, of course, the karaoke aunties ;).

Living as much as possible on the deck. Crayons and notebooks, snacks, the very rare-but-ever-lovely quiet moment ;)....

And PUZZLES! This has been a winner this year. In June, my heart was looking forward to connecting with M during those afternoon quiet times. I don't do this every day, because frankly, it takes energy and sometimes I just need to go find my own corner for a little while. But another MCC bargain - puzzle mat and 750-piece puzzle. It's perfect because M loves marine life and this is a tropical fish picture. When we need a quiet-wind-down activity, we whip it out. Sometimes we're quiet. Sometimes we giggle. And we're now at the point where one of us asks for the wonky scoopy piece with a little bit of blue and an orange knobby part and the other one knows exactly where she's seen that piece before. If you're a puzzler, you'll know what I mean ;).

Who owns you...

A sweet gift from a friend.

A reminder --- it's not about me, it's about Him. His glory.

A Love, and Life, like no other.

Weekend Favorites

On the nightstand...

I've read it twice.
In a row. :)

On the iPod....

The week after Easter

This week has followed the Week of Spring Break (aka. the Week of Crafts, Sort-of-sleeping-in kids, Playing Outside in the massive 8' snow drifts in our backyard and lots of coffee ... for mama :P).

This week has been about sorting and tidying, bringing calm to chaos, cleaning and organizing.

It has also been about moving beyond the season of Lent, the close examination, and walking  more fully in the power of the Resurrection. 

It is about leaning into these words and learning to live them more fully...

The Vine and the Branches - John 15:1-6a

15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 

² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 

³ You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 

⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 

⁶ If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers....

When I do this life apart from Jesus, it's true. I feel withered. Fatigued, overwhelmed, dried up.

Turn back to His grace, and the way seems clear once again.

Simple promises to cling to every day.

Remain in me.

And I will remain in you.

A gardening analogy for the season of spring that is coming.

Celebrating the Resurrection.

Can anyone hear me!??

Pffffft.
I can tell by the blog entry dates when, roughly, our precarious sleep situation has fallen to pieces.
Not a lot of fun, those swirly, twirly days of fatigue where things don't always make a lot of sense, but happy to report after weeks of practice, we are on the mend!!

Carrying on.

There are days around this joint when I wonder if anyone is truly listening to a single. word. I. say.
I feel like I repeat myself ... a lot.
Please say that with kindness in your heart. Nope. Try again. With k.i.n.d.n.e.s.s.
Sorry to be a party pooper, but no, you may not jump off the counter. Or run around with a pair of scissors.
Please close fridge door. And the freezer door. And now the fridge door. Again. Stay out of the fridge.
I'm sorry. Using your bathing suit to go swimming in the puddles is not an option for today.

There are times, you know, when I'm mature enough to step in and settle a situation. If Plan A is not working, which usually involves a small amount of reasonable discussion, then it's Plan B.
Which is Say It Once.
Walk Away (especially if the inner temperatures are approaching Steam Coming Out Of The Ears...).
Watch the magic of Logical Consequences (which typically means, NO to a privilege until their YES is  willing obedience).

And I'd LOVE to say I'm mature enough to walk this thru most of the time, buuuut I'm a work in progress, and in the spirit of "keeping it real," there are still many most times when I allow myself to get sucked into a debate and repeat myself. A lot :).

I know. I only have myself to thank!

So. Imagine my surprise, delight and Laugh-Out-Loud moment when I heard this the other day:

Oldest sister was making some sort of noise that Littlest Sister found irritating. Likely whistling.
Littlest sister DID try to solve the problem herself (which is a positive step) by asking Oldest sister to stop.
Which she did not (not quite a positive step).
Littlest Sister became quite irritated.
She started to both raise her voice AND mutter under her breath.
"Will you please stop making that noise. I just can't hear myself think." !!!

She's 2. And she's repeating exactly what she's heard someone else around here (moi!) say!!

Yup. I guess they do listen!!

The art of truly being happy for someone else...

Every day I learn through my kids. Each one.
Without them, or Jon, I am fairly sure I would not be half the person I am.
Sleeping better at night, maybe :), but certainly no where near the character ;)!

We've been working on our potty-training-skilz for a long loooooong time.
Because of development issues, having two move through this milestone has taxed my patience more than I thought possible.
Though we've seen some major progress, and for this I am thankful, each day we work on this is ... well... work.

Today I was thinking to myself... I will just finish ONE MORE THING before taking K to the potty.... Oh silly self. You'd think you'd learn by now.
Each time you even think that, it is too late.
And it was. Another accident.

And while I'm in the process of cleaning up my five-year-old, my two-and-a-half your old scoots up onto the potty, makes good use of it ;), and proudly pronounces her achievement!

My heart stirs at this point.
Joy mingles with discouragement.

But does K let this discourage her?
Does she compare?
Does she feel wearied??

Absolutely not.

She is L's biggest cheerleader; her biggest fan.

With all the enthusiasm contained within her sweet self, K cheers and claps and YAHs for her younger sister - L has peed on the potty!!

And I bow my head.
Thank you LORD for teaching me.
What it means to Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15 NRSV

Every day I need to know this, to remember, and my heart needs you to carry it out.

when e.n.v.y. strikes

I recently clicked on a blog I hadn't read in a long long while.
As I read, I found myself warming to the idea of bookmarking it as a "regular read" again.
Why did I cut it out in the first place?

The posts are too long. I argued to myself. And they are long. And these days, when I don't do a lot of blog reading, I am very particular about which blogs to follow. Shorter posts are easier to digest quickly.

The content is too deep for me. And it's true. Especially in those sleep-deprived seasons, when anything deep and meaningful can make my brain actually physically hurt. I cut out things that just aren't for me in that particular moment of life. Nothing wrong with that, right :)?

But you want to know one reason I found hard to admit??
I. was. envious.

Plain and simple.

She's a {much!} better writer.
She has more freedom in what she chooses to share with the world.
She's more articulate; she writes books.
She's intelligent.
And she's altogether a lovely person.

So there it is. I cut something out of my life, in part, because of envy.
---
A while back, I was sitting there with my little family, not feeling particularly great about myself.
I am fairly certain I had remembered to brush my teeth before dashing out the door.
I think I managed to put on a splash of make-up in the process.
But everything else felt very drab, dowdy, wrinkled-from-the-closet-feeling.
My hair needed a cut.
Clothes felt too tight in all the wrong places :). Which is really a terrible horrible feeling!!
It was a yucky-feeling day.

Which is fine. They happen. They come and go. It's all part of being human.
Until.
Someone sits down next to you. Polished head to toe. All put together.
And I could feel the old wrestle stirring.

You'll never be enough. Lovely enough. Nice enough. Good enough. Worth enough.
ACK.
Awful.
---
I am learning that the only way to fight these times is through prayer and confession.

As I pray, the LORD works a miracle in my heart. Sometimes relief comes quickly; other times it takes a lot of work and perseverance and careful examination of the nature of the envy in the first place. You see, I am discovering that at the root of envy lies the trap of insecurity. So often, when I want what someone else has, it is because that person seems to possess the very security I lack. I used to think, that when I "grew up," I wouldn't wrestle with self-confidence or trust or courage anymore. Because, well, I'd be an "adult," and don't all "adults" have it all together ;)???? Uh. Nope :). Not this one anyway!!!

And when I confess to someone I can trust, I discover the beautiful, bonding reality that I'm not the only one to struggle with this. In fact, the longer I keep it a secret, the more power it gains. The more open and honest I can be, I see the Enemy lies for what they are worth. Nothing.
---
As I struggled in that moment about how I felt about myself, I prayed that even this would not hinder me from communion with the LORD and with others. And into my heart the LORD whispered ... she is free to be beautiful. And it is true. And a huge weight slipped off my shoulders. Her beauty doesn't mean mine is any less. In fact, the more I sincerely encourage beauty in others, the less I am concerned about my own; the more free to worship I become. So THANK YOU all you lovely ladies out there :) - for the more you genuinely let your heart and spirit shine, the more beautiful this world becomes.

And do I go back to read that blog, or any blog that challenges me in such a way :)? Periodically. Really, uninterrupted screen time is limited (which is probably a good thing!), and I pick and choose carefully. But this way, at least it is from freedom, and not from fear!!

Of course, when envy strikes there's always this option :) ..... just be yourself!!!!

What do you do if .... when? .... envy strikes you?

Mentor Me

One of the {many} gifts of 2012 was a mentor.

This was a complete surprise to me; something I'd been longing for and praying about on-and-off for 6 1/2 years. It was one of those lovely connections that came about in a round-a-bout sorta way, but it clicked and felt like it was always meant to be.

I've had both informal and formal mentors.

By informal mentors, I mean authors and friends that have spoken into my life. Some of my favorite authors in this category would include Richard Foster, Henri Nouwen, Lisa Samson (novelist, but excellent books; not just entertainment!!) or even evangelists/biblical teachers like Charles Stanley or Kay Arthur.

Friends have oh-so-often spoken into my life. Whether this stretches my work life, emotions, home life, parenting, health and body, I would not be a fraction of the person I am today without honest, sincere, different-than-me friends!!

By formal mentors, I am referring to those relationships that are specifically cultivated so that one can gain wisdom and insight from another, often older (but not always!) person.

Here are a few things I've learned along the way when it comes to selecting mentors.

1. If it's gonna work well, there's gotta be a game plan! What area is God inviting you to grow in? Is there someone who can help you walk through that? By selecting a specific theme, it might be easier to find someone who fits well. If it's too general and vague, you run the risk of totally missing each other's point - you may want mentoring in Area A, but this person is more skilled and fluent in Area B -- and the two may, or may not, be compatible. And yet there is much grace here, because the best part is, even if you do discuss particular "topics,"there's no tellin' how God will use that to shape and challenge you --- it might be in a completely different area of your heart than what you had planned!

At this point in my life, I have the privilege (and responsibility!) to lead music in church. So often I definitely feel like is way above my head and I strongly felt a need for a mentor in this area. However, often times music leaders are men, and not that men are bad ;), but I was definitely longing for a gal pal to hash out some of my questions and wrestlings with :). God led me to a very specific woman who lives in our community but is not from our church. There was a lot of liberty with what we could discuss. However, as we conversed, God used this to challenge so many things - my understanding of Holy Spirit, for example.

2. Create a date ;). Also, particularly in a world full of good (and often very good!) intentions, it is easier to note it on the calendar. For example, with this mentoring relationships, we aimed to meet every 4 weeks, the first Wednesday of the month. If that didn't work, we'd call and create a new date on the calendar. This was very versatile, but at least it gave us both the reassurance that we could keep the commitment without having to worry about trying to carve out the time. AND it gives one something good to look forward to!

3. Honesty is the best policy :). This is a bit of a no-brainer. But it's important to note. The first mentor I ever had was because of our church's practice upon being baptized. I was baptized at age 18, and the year following that was to meet with a mentor that I had chosen. Problem was, I didn't really know myself, and so to share honestly and transparently was a challenge. In my mind, things were fine, (though they were not always fine) and so she thought they were fine, and consequently, since things were apparently fine, we never met very often. Maybe once or twice. Over the course of a year. Not really an accountable mentoring situation! I realize now, that if I had been more honest with both her and myself, that perhaps some learning experiences could've been ... avoided :).

Also, honesty helps communicate expectations - how often do you want to meet? What would you like to discuss? Where would you like to meet? Are all great questions to ask up front.

4. Pray. Pray. Pray. For a period of my life, I was dealing with a very specific, intense situation. I felt like it was best to seek out a counsellor, who had been trained and was knowledgable, to help sort out the practicalities of life. My concern was that, even with a "christian counselor," there is definitely the risk of not being led biblically. The first counselor I met with, while helpful in many areas, fit in that category. Though I am still thankful for her input, I knew it was time for a change. When I initiated a second counselor-situation, I prayed many times :) that this person would be spiritually grounded, and willing to listen to the wisdom of the Spirit as we sought clarity together.

5. Set a time frame. This is fluid, but I recommend setting a time when you re-evaluate the situation. In this relationship, we agreed on 6 months. It's not like we couldn't continue to meet after 6 months, but instead of dragging something out, it would give us both the option of deciding whether the timing was right for this in each of our lives. Our time has come and passed, but I am hoping to connect with her again in spring. To sit and visit with a like-minded individual whose wisdom and experience far surpasses my own. To laugh and pray :). And enjoy a great cup of tea!!

Over the years, I've had the honor of having a few mentors that have been a blessing to me. Whether they knew it or not, they spoke deeply into my life. I am grateful.

Mentorship is a passing art in our culture. Things seem so busy, too full, and in our fairly-individualistic lives, creating time with others outside our immediate circles of influence requires.... intentionality.

Have you ever wanted a mentor? Been a mentor?? Been blessed through a mentor ;)???

Baby steps and sweet victories!

Although I can't be certain, I am fairly sure that when we discovered that our Sweet K would have learning disabilities, one of the first things that flitzed through my mind I inwardly freaked out about was ....

POTTY TRAINING.
Groan.
oh boy.
nooooooooooooo.
SIGH.

Seems like a somewhat SILLY thing to worry about when your baby is teeny-tiny and precious and beautiful and doesn't sleep well at night :).
But for me, potty training has been one of those milestones that is.... well.... it's just not my favorite.
I had a sneaking suspicion that this time around, it was going to take a lot longer than I liked!!

Over the past 2 years, yes TWO YEARS, we've been working on this desirable skill around here. There had been some break throughs, yes, but a lot of setbacks, learning and tears (hers and mine!) along the way. So many days and prayers with "How are we EVER going to get this!???"

Well, timing is important to be sure. You can't ever force learning, and added pressure in this particular department is rather counter-productive!! Nothing like a little "stage fright" to prolong the issue.

Anyway.

After much prayer and hard work, in the past few weeks I've started to notice major improvements.
And I am doing the happy dance more than anyone else in this house!!

One of the blessings-in-disguise has been a far greater intuition regarding K's cues, needs, wants, preferences, etc. Especially when dealing with speech delays, cues are very important and easily overlooked. For example, most of the time when a little one has "success" on the potty, you cheer, you dance, you have a grand ole hoopla. NOT WITH K. If you react with any certain level of exuberance, you can guarantee a month before there'll be any more "successes." It seriously overwhelms her. Knowing her heart, it makes sense. Just takes some getting used to! That being said, you do offer subtle, g.e.n.t.l.e. encouragement. A simple high-five, a gummy bear and now a short Wiggles video seem to be the best reinforcement ever.

I clearly remember a difficult day in fall. With M settled into her school routine, K transitioned into school and life settling in a bit, I knew in my heart it was time to tackle this again. After hours and hours of trying and back-and-forth to the potty (if you've done this, you know the drill!!) I turned around to find an "accident" on the floor. As I mopped up the situation, I sobbed and sobbed. Frustration, discouragement and fear poured out of me and just about created a great big puddle of my own (ha, with tears, that is :P).

It was, however, a(nother) turning point for me. It is in these moments that I sometimes realize in these moments that I still battle with accepting things as they are.

With much joy in my heart, I see the step-by-incremental-step growth that is taking place, and my heart rejoices!

I'll share the "potty dance video" that we've been playing around here.
Oh the things you do for your kids, eh :)!????

Actually, I am so happy about this, it DOES make me feel like dancing!!!
And.... it's kinda catchy!

Curious to know - do you have any "learning challenges" in your family?
What are the blessings?
What are the challenges??

The day I closed the door in Jesus' face

It was in the weeks before Christmas.
It was suppertime. The time when many door-to-door folks like to make their visits!
I'd had a hard time wrangling up everyone for supper. And to think, we tend to eat later than the average folk, so you'd think that hunger would be a motivation!! Apparently not always ;P.
I was tired and frustrated, and when the door bell rang, I moaned. I groaned out loud!

WHAT NOW?? I thought.

The dog going crazy, the kids hootin' and hollarin', I slid off my chair and made my way to the front door. I opened it and sighed inwardly. Sales person. Great.

Did the look of annoyance show on my face?? I'm pretty sure it came close.
If not, I'm fairly confident the one hand on my hip gave it away.

"Ma'am, would you have any money to spare...." he began tentatively.
He started to show me something. A brochure maybe?? Not sure.
Turns out he was from Lighthouse Mission, goin' door to door asking for donations.
We just happened to be on his route that night.

I wasn't interested in anything in the brochures.

"Would you consider a smaller donation? Anything? Any amount helps." He tried again.
Helps to feed the homeless.
Helps to minister to the hurting.
Helps to spread God's love and mercy and grace through servant hands and feet.

In that nano-second, I thought of all the ways in which we "gave" recently.
We enjoy giving, we really do. And we appreciate participating in Operation Christmas Child, our church's Advent Challenge, as well as many other opportunities of the season.

However, in that moment, I didn't feel like going to get looking for my wallet.
I didn't feel like taking any more time from this particularly rowdy supper hour.
We had places we needed to be and kids fed and readied, and simply I "didn't have time for this."
I didn't want the inconvenience.
I just didn't feel like it.

How awful.

As I was closing the door, I noticed the man had brown eyes.
Jesus eyes.
Click went the door.
And a flicker went through my heart.

Hadn't I been praying for opportunities like this? 
Seeing Jesus in the every day life, responding {quickly} with a worship-filled heart?

I would love to say that I opened the door and ran after him, humbled heart in hand.
But I didn't.
I would love to say that I gave generously in that moment.
But I can't.
Nope.
I shut the door in Jesus' face.
Just. like. that.

How awful.

How many times have these simple gratitudes passed me by?
How many times have I been "too busy," "too lazy," "to apathetic" to stop and care?
It's not about the money; it's not about "giving."
It's about dignity and care and saying, "hey - we're on the same team, this serving the God we love, and I support what you are doing."
Here's a love offering, wrapped in prayer.

Sometimes Often I get caught up in the discouragement that I have not embraced this Christ-Lived-Example like I could; like I want to, like I need to. I miss opportunities. And I completely blow others. In the midst of this, I am trying to remember to pray for the grace to try again, to remember again, to love again.

I am so sorry, Man from the Lighthouse Mission.
I am ashamed of my response to you, to the passion it took for you to wander around on a cold December night, asking people to assist you in this ministry.
Please. Come back again.

When I bought our Sonlight curriculum, I got way more than I bargained for!

It's been a year and a half already, since that July night by the family-camp-out-fireside.
Heart pounding, giddy with delight - I scored an almost-complete Grade 1 Sonlight curriculum on ebay for $225 (if you check out their prices, you'll see that's a darn good deal!!!). With the help of my super-techy brother and his little internet-gadget phone (all of which is way beyond my realm of experience, since we ONLY have a pay-as-you-go, no-texting-allowed type of phone!!!), I snacked on marshmallows and mom's goodies while waiting to see if I was - da winner!! And I WAS!

Sheesh! I'm not much of a shopper, but the thrill of that anticipation could become trouble :).

When I cashed in on this set, I had no idea what was in store for us; how I was about to get way more than I bargained for! At the time, I only knew I was following the prompts of Jesus, and waiting for Jon to catch up with me in terms of direction :).

I could've never guessed how many gifts that year would hold, how challenging it would be; how much we would all learn and grow and stretch.

I learned even more about moving through decisions with your life-mate. It's tough, sometimes, navigating through choices, especially when you each process things so differently. It's a challenge to "know when to hold em, know when to fold em" ;). It requires intentionality to wait, to rest, to research, to share, to dream without the security of knowing those dreams will be filled. Tough yes, almost drove me cuckoo bananas yes, good yes. :)

I learned that it is sometimes hard to explain grade 1 math, even though I've been there and done that --- but it was a long time ago! And of the select things I can do relatively well, explaining myself is not always one of them!

"Mikayla's spelling test to see if her ears are working...
no Kezia's allowed" !!!

I also met many people with whom I would never have worked or worshipped alongside had we not walked this path. This has forever impacted my spiritual journey, and thank you will never be sufficient.

I learned that I love to continue to learning -- well, that I already knew -- but I love to learn alongside my kids! The new-found confidence and stage of life we were at encouraged me to include my kids even more in what I was already doing. Rather than feeling forced, it began to feel a little more natural and a lot more enjoyable. And now, I often have little helpers (when I slow long enough to let them!) and it's easier and less overwhelming and a bit more manageable. :).

Celebrating milestones and "nabrgse" (neighbors)!!

I also confirmed that I'm NOT so much a fan of "water experiments."
They are way to messy and make me grumpy!
I shudder at the thought. Give me play dough ANY day :).

We argued and squabbled. We made up and tried to start over ;).
We redeemed some days; others felt like a bit of a write-off.
We read a LOT, laughed a fair bit and learned life along the way.
Time was a lot more intentional in some ways, a lot more flexible in others.

A winter fun trip to Grandma's for a day of great food, cousins and snowmobiling!

And strange, even after 1/2 a year into this new-found rhythm of public-schooling, I still miss it.
M does too, and every once in a while she'll even admit it :).
She's having a grand time in grade 2, but every few weeks she tells me that she's only going to public school every other year so that she can home school in between. Riiiiiiiiggght!

We have 2 more years of full-time funding for K left, and then we'll re-evaluate.
Perhaps it will still be a burning desire.
Perhaps time and routine will have set in and our path won't change much.
Who knows.

Special craft dates once a week - complete with hot chocolate and marshmallows
on this particularly chilly winter day :)

In between, I try to make the most of the time we have together.

I recalled these verses from Ephesians 5 one afternoon this fall, while I was wrestling with all this and how to fit in family life and devotional times and a balance between rest and activity:

¹⁵ Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 
¹⁶ making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 
¹⁷ Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.

Our butterfly friend who decided to break forth from her cocoon
in February! This was her home until she perished several days later.
She was absolutely lovely!

Every so often there is a flashbulb of inspiration that somehow manages to clear even the fog of fatigue ;) that shows me how to walk this out in this season of our family life. The LORD graciously breaks things up into little pieces for me, knowing full well that I am weak and frail and if I get overwhelmed I shut everything out, including good ideas ;).

So yes, when we step out and follow the invitations of the LORD, there's no tellin' where it'll lead. Sometimes that load will seem light, other times you've never done anything harder in your life.
Either way, it's worth it!

Oh, by the way, if you are considering learning at home, give the Sonlight curriculum a second thought. Yes, it's quite expensive, but there are ways around that to some degree.

I really liked their outline; thought the "social studies" component was a bit heavy on the reading and not enough on activity for younger ones, so we rounded it out a bit with a few notebooking type activities. If you google notebooking, there's REAMS of stuff on the net.

Science was fascinating, but instead of dabbling in different themes at once, I reorganized it into modules. That worked MUCH better for us, and gave us the chance to include lapbooks, national geographic for kids resources, brain pop, etc. We worked through three major topics - world of animals,  human body (I found a lapbook online that helped piece it together) and space (I purchased a notebook for $4 that provided word puzzles, activities, a song about the planets etc. M loved it!). We read through See How It's Made, some water and magnet activities, etc. See, tons of variety!!

They include a spelling and early reading program, which was fine. I have nothing to compare it to, so I'm not sure how it stacks up against more popular methods (Hooked On Phonics, All About Reading for example).

We purchased our math books separately.

Oh, and one morning my mom asked M what she was learning about.
Of all things, of course she just happened to recall that women in the "olden days" didn't wear shirts!!!
The pictures in our books about early nomadic peoples indicated that they often didn't wear tops, not men or women :).
I guess at least something stuck!!!

Our eldest daughter is so much like me.

Sometimes it makes me giggly.

Other times I want to scream out loud. :)

Anyway, apparently we both have an appreciation for the white stuff!

After our quiet time one afternoon, I found this lovely declaration taped to our front window.

Loud and proud, I guess!!

We both like snow.

I personally prefer to enjoy it from the cozy confines of my house, with a hot cup of coffee in hand.

But, CAN be persuaded to enjoy sledding down the local hill (not that many around these parts!!), craft out a fort or go snow-mobiling. As long as it's not toooo cold!

So there you have it...

To: the World

Love: Mikayla

What message are you sharing with your world today :)?

A Love Like This

I cried last week.
Not all-out-weeping mind you, but tears of both hard reality mingled with thankfulness.

Last week was the last time I will visit my grandparents in their present home.

Over a year ago, they both required extra care in order to live as independently as possible. My mom, their passionate care giver and advocate, found the best care possible at the time, worked endlessly to make the move (which was significant) all come together. And, for the first time ever, I found myself living in the same community as my grandparents.

With our learn-at-home lifestyle last year, it was much easier to scoot over for a 1/2 hour visit every few weeks. I treasured these times, though it wasn't always easy!!, because I knew that they were limited.

My grandparents are in the minority - they are both aging (and forgetting!) things at the same time. Typically, one spouse goes through this process much sooner than the other, requiring the two, who've spent the majority of their lives together, to be forced to live apart. Even though it's hard to watch them forget, at least they are in it together!!

Grandma and Grandpa are still so affectionate with each other. Every one I talk to who has seen them comments on this. The trials and lessons of life have, over the years, brought them even closer. Both having been widowed early in life, they blended families, careers, interests and love for God and family. These days, they often sit side by side on the couch, holding hands, still enjoying each other's company. Their camaraderie is evident, even when the fog of hazy memory sets in.

The other side of this love story is my own mom, who has devoted much time and energy to their care. To anyone who finds themselves caring for aging loved ones, I pray for you. Yours is not an easy task. It hurts to remember when others forget; it can be painful to care for those who once cared for you.

And yet - you remember. You serve. You care.
And how often in our fast-paced world do we not care, not serve, not remember.

These are the examples I have before me, and I am thankful.

I came home from that last visit and called my mom. I am so thankful she took the time to care for my grandparents. They are now at a stage where they require even more care, and instead of separating them (which is the standard procedure is), she has advocated their situation once again and now they will move on to more supportive care together. This is "never done"because "it goes against policy." She didn't take "no" for an answer. How grateful I am.

Once the hub-bub of christmas life passes, we will go and visit them in their new space. I will continue to share the stories of our times together with them and my girls. They no longer remember, but I do. We will laugh. We will say "I love you."

And when we leave, their minds may forget that we've even been there, but their hearts won't.

Creating Quiet

It's been a while since I posted.
I could blame full days, sleep-lacking nights, trying to fit as much as I can into one day.

But, I don't think that's it.

I've created posts that are stuck in draft mode.
I've sat down to type, and experience the frustration of writers block. Ack!
I've mentally written as I move throughout the day, but none of it clicks.
Sigh.

Every so often, I think, you move into a place that words just aren't adequate for.
I'm in that place.
I can't say it's a bad place; stretching, often perplexing, a bit lot disorienting maybe.
But it'd not bad.

It's at times like these I wish I could take pictures.
Like GOOD ones :).
Using images instead of words for expression.
But alas, that is not my forte. :)

I often turn to music; allowing the prayer and poetry others have set down to bring clarity and focus when my own feels lacking.

And sometimes, I think, it's just quiet I crave.

Our world is so full of noise - internet chatter, media, little ones needing attention, the hum of the activities of life.
And there is internal clutter as well - not knowing what to finish next :) (I don't usually have a hard time starting something, it's finishing something that feels like such a challenge!). Wrestling. Waiting.

It's in the stillness, when we move beyond words, that we can hear what is going on behind this sound.

When I used to "work outside the home," I would sometimes come home after a full full day, and say when I walked in the door, "no one make a sound." Funny thing was, I was home before Jon, this was a day and age before puppy and kids :), and there WAS no one to make a sound :). I would walk as quietly as possible, leaving radio off, AND it was a day before we had internet at home (can you even imagine!???). And I would just soak in the silence until my ears stopped ringing and my heart felt settled again.

This fall as been about new adjustments, new routines, new anticipations.
It has also been about learning to listen again; and for me, that seems to be taking some time.


In the meantime, these are some of my favorite quiet sounds...
- the sound of the coffee maker finishing it's job
- the sound of snow falling
- a sick baby finally sleeping
- the delight of a whispered thank you
- the sound of a friend laughing
- the settled sigh of the only puppy I've ever loved :)
- an unexpected time of quiet to just be


I'm curious.
What images, words, songs, or lack of all the above is quieting for you ;)?

How can it be.....

Here I sit, drinking a cup of hot tea.
The leaves are almost blown completely off the trees.
Our temperatures feel already-too-chilly for this time of year.
We've had sleet and snow and power outages due to weather.

How can it be that only a week and a half ago, this is how I spent my Saturday morning....

cruising along under a warm September sun...

tired spirit lifted by the colors and friend-comaraderie... 

thankful for all I have; praying for a growing heart to give...

breathing... 

listening to young ones singing...

Hoping.

31 Riders - almost half were young ones
Amount raised - $7846.00 dollar-love for the CPC and RFR projects
Joining - 146 riders in total
Riding for - 16 various projects and ministries all fuelled by passion for hope and healing

Chaim. Life!