The hunt for "One Word"

Oh dear. I read a post.
So many interesting thoughts start that way.
If only I could finish those thoughts too! Maybe.
Someday.
Anyway.

Inspired by a friend of mine to hunt for one word to live by, I was on a mission. My vocabulary isn't very extensive, but I do enjoy fishing around for just that right fit. Kinda look the BEST pair of jeans in your closet. Just gotta fit right. Or else it is a GRUMPY day all around ;).
Anyway again.

Ever since finding the word picaresque  in a novel (Angela Hunt, don't ask me which one, I was delirious with joy and fatigue at the time, probably read it during a mid-night feeding session!!) I've wanted to use it in a blog post. From the context of the book, I knew it had something to do with the concept of journeying. Exploring. Pressing on. Good thing I "googled it" before using it as my "one word." Ahem. This is what I discovered:

pic·a·resque

   [pik-uh-resk]  Show IPA

–adjective

1.

pertaining to, characteristic of, or characterized by a form ofprose fiction, originally developed in Spain, in whichthe adventures of an engagingly roguish hero are describedin a series of usually humorous or satiric episodes that oftendepict, in realistic detail, the everyday life of the commonpeople: picaresque novel; picaresque hero.

2.

of, pertaining to, or resembling rogues.

Origin: 
1800–10;  < Spanish picaresco. See picaro, -esque

—Related forms

un·pic·a·resque, adjective

—Can be confused:  picaresque, picturesque (see synonym noteat picturesque).

—Synonyms 
2.  prankish, rascally, devilish, raffish. 

While the thought of a satirical story of everyday life would be entertaining, I just cannot see myself as a really "good" rogue. I think I'm a bit to ... reserved ... for that. Sarcastic, perhaps. Prankish? Rascally? Probably not. 

So. Great word. I'm sure it would be fun. But, not my "one word."

I also thought about the word sojourn. However, apparently it has the connotation of "visit," as in "visiting a land for a holiday," and while this earth is not our eternal home, too much happens here to be a "visit." I prefer to reserve that term for the time I make it out to a quiet cottage, down by a lake, I will emphasize the word QUIET :). That will be a sanity sojourn :).

Then I thought about the word journey. I liked the adventure/epic theme in the first word. But somehow, journey just seemed overused. Kind of like my overuse of !!!! 

Kept fishing around. Pilgrim sounded a bit old-colony, and I kept thinking of that guy, some western fellow, (perhaps he was picaresque ;P), saying, "hey there, pil-grim." Ech.

But... journey... movement... a sense of adventure....

Pilgrimage.

A pilgrimage is a journey or search of great moral or spiritual significance. Typically, it is a journey to a shrine or other location of importance to a person's beliefs and faith. Many religions attach spiritual importance to particular places: the place of birth or death of founders or saints, or to the place of their "calling" or spiritual awakening, or of their connection (visual or verbal) with the divine, or to locations where miracles were performed or witnessed, or locations where a deity is said to live or be "housed," or any site that is seen to have special spiritual powers. Such sites may be commemorated with shrines or temples that devotees are encouraged to visit for their own spiritual benefit: to be healed or have questions answered or to achieve some other spiritual benefit. A person who makes such a journey is called a pilgrim. In America, the term pilgrim is typically associated with an early colonial protestant sect known for their strict rules of discipline.

It is the progression from one point of being to another. From beginning to end. For me, it is the essence of the adventure each of us is on - the movement from not knowing God to a deeper knowing of Him.

There are all sorts of characters along this journey that play a part in this epic story. People that have drawn me near to the heart of God, either by their teaching or their example. Others that have driven me to God by driving me to my knees ;). There is risk and romance ;), love and pain, anger, brokenness, confusion, despair, hope. There is adventure. There are seasons of routine, day-in day-out normalcy.

Recently I reread a passage that has spoken to me on numerous occasions:

⁵ Blessed are those whose strength is in you, 
   whose hearts are set on pilgrimage. 
⁶ As they pass through the Valley of Baka, 
   they make it a place of springs; 
   the autumn rains also cover it with pools.^[d] 
7 They go from strength to strength, 
   till each appears before God in Zion. Psalm 84:5-7


There have been times when I would've preferred a safe, predictable life. And really, by many standards, that is precisely what I do have. However, blessed are those... whose hearts are set on pilgrimage... those who are not content with the "not knowing,"who are willing to risk going near the heart of God; risk the exposure, the awestruck wonder, the change.


According to my understanding, the Valley of Baka is a dry, desert place. Just like seasons in my life, where there are times of relational dryness. Things feel disconnected, especially, even most keenly with the One who knows me better than I know myself. In fact, I'd say most days, that's how I feel right now. And yet, even in the midst of those times, particularly because of those times, there are oases of learning and knowing and growing that can make it a blessed place. It has the potential to go deeper because it becomes something I am less tempted to take for granted.


It took a while for me to connect to the concept of moving from strength to strength. As a person who has struggled intensely with anxiety, I tended to think of life in terms of from catastrophe to catastrophe, with perhaps a little plateau in between. What a IMMENSE RELIEF it was for me to embrace the understanding that I could step from "strength to strength" while enduring the trial or valley that often lies in between.


Okay, there is much more I could say, but I think I've (sort of :P?) made my point.
If I had to pick a word, it would be pilgrimage. A journey with highs and lows, of many awkward moments (like the time I tore my shorts on a fence at a baseball game AND held them shut as I ran the bases or the time I tried downhill skiing and ended up in a fence), of many many many laughs and a few (more than a few!) tears too. At the heart of it - a growing, deepening, widening understanding of Who this Creator King is and how He is worthy of praise.

OUT OF CURIOSITY, WHAT WOULD YOUR ONE WORD BE!?

PS - You'd think that all I do all day is sit around mulling things over till I'm almost cuckoo :)!!! That is not the case. I actually do dishes, laundry, vacuuming, gardening, and a whole lotta child rearing in there too, just for fun :)!

HOME: Some assembly required!

This spring, I've been noticing the robins as they've been gathering "stuff" to make a nest. Not sure why, because I've never really taken note of it before. But for some reason, this time around, it has caught my eye. The other day, on our stroll to the park, we noticed two birds "fighting" over the same sprig of something-or-other. We chuckled as they flitted at each other like two preschoolers competing for the same toy. Perhaps it was a particularly fluffy sprig. Or, perhaps, one bird's "condo" was in a nicer location and there was some competition goin' on. Who knows. It sure was cute though!

As I was arranging pots and flowers and envisioning gardens outside during a brief period of sunshine ;), I reflected on how it takes effort and intentionality to make a house --- a home. A place that is warm, inviting, comfortable. Safe. A place of laughter and a sense of "we're-in-this-thing-called-life-together." A place where it is "okay" to be characters in formation. 

No place has shaped me like my home has.

Some days (and weeks) go by, and I realize that my intentionality has slipped up a little. Perhaps it started through fatigue or that funk that accompanies a really "good" bad cold ;). Or it began when life got a little too full or that balance between yes-and-no was off. Then frustrations and tensions run a little higher, focus is skewed, and it all feels a little .... scrambly. I don't do well with scrambly :). 

And it suddenly dawns on me that I need to step back, re-evaluate what fits (and what doesn't) and how I'm going to respond to those usual triggers of frustration and discouragement rather than simply react to them.

This past week, I've been poking away at spring cleaning. (I finally tossed these outdated spices, bought who knows when!!, and was actually tempted to take a pic and post it just as proof that every once in a while, the spice cabinet is actually accessible!!) As I've organized and sorted, tossed and relocated ;P,  I've been mentally and emotionally sorting out what fits for our family. And it has been challenging, but good.

I find my contentment is most tested not by what I "have" (or don't have, because really most of our furniture is already-been-loved, and we just got a "new" table that is 35+ years old --- but is still in really great condition AND it can seat TWELVE people if we want to! Can't wait to use that space -- ahem, with guests, not by increasing the size of our family!) but by what I want to "get done." Not just chores, because somehow, those usually find a way of getting crossed of the list. But phone calls I have not made, books I have not read, space I have not created, friends I have not connected with, projects I have not finished.

I ask myself silly questions like -
"Leah, why on EARTH do you sign out 10 books when you KNOW that you will not be able to read them all?"
or "Why do you google YET MORE crochet patterns, knowing that you will not even tackle all the ones you've already been longing to try ;)?"
or "Why do you even attempt blogging when you think of all sorts of things to write but only ever get around to typing out a handful?"

Because I love books, and though I may never read them all, you'll never know what'll stand out and speak into your soul.
Because I love to crochet. And you never know what kind of pattern will jump out as a potential gift. I can't WAIT to post the most adorable project I've got on the go. If I ever finish it ;).
Because I love to write. I'm not a great writer, or particularly insightful or witty. I just enjoy writing. It's a hobby. It helps me figure out what fits, what doesn't. It helps me sort out life.

When I take a deep breath, and recognize the silly things that threaten to overwhelm me for what they are, I am far more attentive to creating a home that reflects who we are, whom we are becoming and, hopefully, most importantly, the One whom we want to honor. I am more available to respond to my children where they are at (instead of forcing an agenda or expectations) and am more attentive to my husband and the things he needs to hear from me too. I am more in tune with my own self, and take time to cultivate the essentials right now.

Not so long ago, I came across this quote that immediately made it my "fridge wall of inspiration" :). Every so often I actually LOOK at it, and it reminds me of the things my heart is learning right now! I tend to forget pretty quickly ;). This is one that speaks to me over and over and over...
"Practice is a patient, relaxed process of finding out what works and what doesn't... Either life is practice, or it is performance... it is surprise vs. control.... "professionalism" vs. amateur.... spontaneous vs. hesitant. None of us can be perfect. But everyone can be free. Which will you choose?" Mike Mason, Practicing the Presence of People.


As we practice life together, we refine each other (and there is a lot of refining work goin' on!!!!). We learn more about how to live life because of the One who has given life - His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. We practice, we fall down, we take a deep breath and say sorry and get back up again.

Perhaps I've noticed the nesting birds this spring because it resonates with the recognition that we too are a people under construction. As we build and shape and form, may the home we create be a haven for those in it and those welcome in it, as well as a testimony of grace to the One who offers it abundantly.

Phonetic Funnies

Over the past 1/2 year, Little M has started to play with words. Before, it was letters. Letters letters everywhere. Lately there has been an explosion of reading, writing and sentence forming. I love watching her explore with her words. It is often quite humorous. Most of the time she prefers to pick out the sounds she hears and spells accordingly. Sometimes she'll come to me if she's stuck. Sometimes we go over the words, correcting spelling and hunting out the sneaky letters (ones that don't necessarily make a sound). Lately, though, I just love her efforts as they are and find them so endearing. Perfecting the spelling will come with time. Now is a time to collect all these little clippings and practice pages.

One Sunday afternoon, during rest time, unbeknownst to me, she decided to make her first "book." It looked like this:

 M made this by herself. 

It has pictures in it.

I made it in rest time.

Poop poop.  ???

 Dear K

You are a messy eater

She's not being rude - it's kinda true ;)

I love you.

 Dear L

I love you.

You are a messy eater too.

 Dear Diggy.

I love you.

You are a vacuum cleaner.

!!!!

Recently, Little M was concerned about the dwindling selection of gel pens. Because she goes through them so fast, I decided that she could start "buying her own." When she realizes that she would like a new set of gel pens, we put together a chore list that will earn her 3 loonies. Then we head off to Dollarama, where she can buy a great pack of gel pens for $2+tax. It's great! She LOVES it. This is the second chore list that we're working on. The first involves me nearly having an emotional break down (stay tuned, I'll share that story later!!).

This is what she came up with all on her own...

1. Clean up. She is very serious about her clean ups. I kid you not. When she wants to (meaning it has been "her" idea) she will tidy up our entire living space. Happily. When I want her to, it's a bit more persuasion, and sometimes we have to do things we really don't want to do, but it is a responsibility that she's actually very good at. Hence, it made it onto the list :).

2. Make good choices. Always important ;).

3. Do not step in the garden that has sheep poop in it.   !!! Apparently Jon mentioned this while he was working sheep poop into our veggie garden. Good to note!!

4. Do not spill birthday cake on the floor. Sometimes excited little girls become quite exuberant and things go flying!

5. Don't make bad choices. Apparently a small theme running here ;)....

---

The last time we did this, I had to take Sweet K to a pediatrician appointment. These are not usually a lot of fun for me. Thankfully they are not as anxiety-packed as they used to be - but really, who likes having to take their kid to the doctor, right :)? I packed up all three girls on a very cold and windy winter day, drove an hour to the doctors office, found it downtown (I'd never been to that particular office before), found parking (always an issue) and made it to our appointment EARLY. Did you catch that - we were EARLY!!! Since we were there to discuss SLEEP ISSUES, I was already pretty pooped just from weeks (and weeks and weeks) of issue-ville. We shuffled into an empty waiting room. I was a bit perplexed by this, wondering if we'd have to wait an hour just to see the doctor. The gal sitting behind the desk blinked blinked at me. She wondered why I was there, considering the doctors were all on h.o.l.i.d.a.y.s. NO WAY. Honestly, I started to cry. Right there. In the office. Little M looked at me, and I looked at her. Well, hon, that was a colossal waste of time and energy. The gal behind the desk and I tried to resolve the issue, which happened to be some typo made by some clerk who will never know how much frustration she'd caused. Now I'd have to wait even longer to receive help (or at the very least some guidance and options). But, at the heart of what was hurting me was that this had taken a very precious at-home day for Little M. I treasure those days and try to keep them as relaxed as possible. PLUS I'd had her loonies in my purse, and I had to use them for parking. So, not only was our doctors appointment cancelled, but I had to go find change for these precious gel pens that Little M had worked so hard for. Feeling heavy, we gathered our gear and headed back to the elevator, down through a long hallway (not easy with a car seat, diaper bag, wandering 3 year old who hasn't slept properly EVER and 5 year old) and into a little pharmacy. 

I gently asked the fellow working at the till if he could break a $10 for me - a $5, and a $2 and 3 loonies. I got the scolding of a life time. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES does he give change for parking, because if he had to do it for ONE he'd have to do it FOR EVERYONE. HOWEVER, just THIS ONE TIME he'd forgo this stipulation and DO AS I ASKED. You'd think I'd held up the store at gun point or come in cussin' like a sailor, demanding my way!!! I stood there and just blinked. Blink blink. I had no words except, thank you, I guess. I hesitantly handed him my $10, which he snatched from my hand and in a dramatic fashion he dumped the requested change into my hand. The tone was clear: DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN.

Okay. Okay. I'll just back away sllloooowly.

I had set Wee One's car seat on the floor, and as I bent down to pick her up and gather my gear once again, 1/2 the contents of my water bottle (which was tucked into a precariously dangling diaper bag) spilled down my pants and onto the floor. I was perplexed as to why the bottom of my pants were suddenly soaking wet. Until aha. This particular water bottle has a sneaky lid. RIIIGHT. I stood up and spoke out loud to no one in particular "THIS DAY IS JUST GETTING WORSE AND WORSE." And then we shuffled out.

We got the stroller, which I loaded all three kids onto and walked along the down town streets to the nearest Dollarama. We passed all sorts of interesting characters, and I found myself praying for them - those who wandered, looking lost; the fellow who picked the used cig butt out of the snow bank just to finish it off. They looked at us, and I'm sure we were quite the sight - Little M's toque tassels wafting in the wind, Sweet K's sweet face peeking out from her layers of hat and hood. And every so often a squeak from the car seat :). We received many hellos and smiles and laughs. Suddenly the world felt a bit brighter :).

Little M proudly marched into the Dollarama, ready to pick out her gel pens. True to fashion, she had to look at all the options before selecting the just-right package. She paid for her purchase, the gal behind the till chuckling as Little M explained her mission.

We returned to the van. We returned home.  It was a quiet ride and I was thankful.

I found Little M's chore chart hilarious! I am so proud of her for taking responsibility for it, and though I'm not exactly sure how we can check off "don't spill the birthday cake" when she did, TWICE!!, I am hoping our next adventure will be less .... adventurous :).

Journaling - The Power of the Pencil!

I'm blogging over at blogher.com today. Stop by for a visit!

I’ve often been asked why I journal. To most, the concept seems a bit “out there,” confusing, misunderstood, complicated and requiring way way way too much time! Here are a few reasons why journaling has become an indispensable outlet for me…