Stay ... stay ... stay... stay.... stayin' alive!!

If you were to ask me how teaching-at-home is going, I'd give you rave reviews!!
I think we're into a rhythm that is working well for us.
Ohhhh, we have our moments, but all in all I think it's going well.
What a gift to embark on such an adventure at this time.

HOWEVER.
Yes. There is a BUT.
Balancing schooling.... homework.... housework.... an occasional visit.... and personal refreshment is a challenge!
PHEW!
Until just recently, I felt myself simply shutting out many things that I've found enjoyable over the years.
Reading. Too much thinking at the end of a long day.
Writing. Mind is too mushy at the end of a day.
Crocheting. Focus is required and that is lacking at the end of a day ;)
Scrapbooking. That would mean that I would have to clear off the desk in the "Black Room" (a post for another day) and that is too much work at the end of a day
Blogging. Hmmm. That too requires thinking. And reading. And possibly writing. Issues all around at the end of a day!!!

I'd add exercise to the list, but **sigh** can't say I've added that to the "list of enjoyable activities" for quite some time ;). Maybe some day :)???

Admittedly, it has taken  me a while to find that transitional footing once again.
Creating room for things that bring a creative zest to life.
And I'm finding that some of what was once energizing has now changed.
An intriguing journey.
Finding balance at any stage of life is a challenge to be sure.
Yet it is coming and I find hope in the learning and letting go.
And in the mean time, finding ways to Stay Alive!!


If you need a chuckle, check out these fellows from the '70s. YIKES!!

Hello friends!

Only FIFTEEN more sleeps until I get the privilege of participating in the Ride for Refuge :).

In case you're wondering.... 

1. 40% of the funds raised will go towards Ride for Refuge.

What does that mean?

It means the money will from this portion will go to fund projects that deal specifically with:

Relief & Aid: Direct aid for catastrophe, war and oppression

Development & Reconstruction: Direct or third-party NGO support for development and reconstruction initiatives including microfinance and sustainable funding

Food & Water: Programs supporting nutrition, food banks, missions and accessible water

Shelter & Housing: Any shelter whether temporary, permanent, or expansion

Medial & Dental: Treatment, follow-up care including HIV, pediatrics, pain management and all necessary supplies

Education & Tuition: Job skills, trades, ESL, career, tuition support and Biblical curriculum and training

Settlement & Acclimation: New arrival support, training and financial aid

Counsel & Legal: Spiritual counseling, development, discipleship, care for post-traumatic stress syndrome, and immigration and refugee claim legal counsel

for the specifics on how the money is distributed, please check out the website at: http://www.rideforrefuge.org/canada

2. 60% of the funds raised will go towards the Winnipeg Crisis Pregnancy Centre.

Juergen Severloh, the executive director at WCPC, has (with hearty hope and enthusiasm!!) indicated that any money we raise from this cyclothon will go to purchasing doplar machine (or two or three!!).

What does a doplar do? 

Think first stages of pregnancy.

Listening for that first magical heartbeat.

For some, this is the first real connection that they have with understanding that their baby is a real live being.

It may be the only bond they create with their unborn child.

It may save the life of a newborn baby.

It may also save the life of a mother who will not have to live with the life-long ramifications of abortion.

Any extra money not used to purchase doplar equipment will go to funding ultrasounds through Baby Moon.

In order to split the raised money between RFR and CPC, we need a minimum of $2000 for our team.

Check out  my team page for more details, to see where we're at, or to donate a little to a GREAT cause!!

A Wrestle I Never Thought I'd Have...

It started the morning I dropped Little M off at Kindergarten for the first time.
By this time, next year, we'll be home-schooling.
What!
WHAT!??
Where on EARTH did that come from!?

Keeping in mind that I was sleep-deprived AND post-partum ;), I just assumed that the hormones were playing havoc with my mind (again!) and entertained these ideas as a way of coping with the whole transition. And so entertain them I did, for a while.

Then, while walking home from school one day, we chatted with a friend who was teaching their kids at home. They were all excited about a chrysalis that had been discovered in their backyard. They had brought it inside and were waiting for for the butterfly to make it's grand appearance.
Chrysalis? CHRYSALIS!?
Seriously, I don't even know what one looks like, let alone where to find one. Even if I DID manage to recognize one, I would never think to bring it into the house for observation. Then and there I mourned, immediately deciding that if my poor children were taught at home, they would be completely and utterly deprived of any sort of real education whatsoever.

I simply let the matter drop.

I love this quote from the movie Inception:
Cobb: What is the most resilient parasite? A bacteria? A virus? An intenstinal worm? An idea. Resilient, highly contajous. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to iradicate. An idea that is fully formed, fully understood. That sticks, right in there somewhere. 
[he points to his head] 

This idea had lodged itself deeper than I had imagined. Later that fall, while shopping for christmas gifts, I ran into a friend who had been working on the same college degree as I was a few years ago. We'd clicked, and had both contemplated pursuing our masters degree in counseling. She excitedly told me about another route that she had taken in order to obtain her dream -- and strongly encouraged me to consider the same. I became excited -- very very excited. I shared the conversation with Jon, and he was able to locate the appropriate information for me (being a high school guidance counselor and all, this is very handy!). Maybe not for another year, or two, but definitely worth considering.

But even as my heart pondered this, I could feel it stirring. The idea.
What about teaching your children from home?

It became increasingly clear that this was something I needed to pray about further. And not just as a way of coping with the changes, but as a serious consideration. The more I prayed about it, the more the LORD began to reveal and refine - the more I wrestled with motivations, values, assumptions, fear. In this I began to long more and deeper for the LORD's best in our lives at this time.

Very quickly I began to encounter obstacles.
My husband was totally not enthusiastic about this idea at all.
I really appreciate our local school, and wondered what it would be like to not be a part of it.
I thought that the only home-school group in town was full, and I knew I did not want to do this on my own.
I'd begin thinking, maybe, just maybe, and we'd have a horrible week and I wanted to wave the white flag of surrender and thought there is just no way.


But the prayer and research continued. The more I discovered, the more it was confirmed in my heart. A day away to contemplate and pray sealed the deal --- LORD, it would be an honor for me to teach my children at home, however You will need to work out the details. I will not manipulate. I will not demand. You, and only You can do the heart work necessary for this to work.

After a conversation with Jon, we began to explore. He was more open to this than I'd initially thought. (Which, honestly, perplexed me a little because now it meant I REALLY had to consider what felt like a BIG risk!) Over time we carefully sought information, I spoke to hardly no one at all about this since I wanted no one to influence what the LORD was doing in my heart. We outlined a few steps that we needed to take before closing the door (or walking through an open invitation!).

Purchased a used curriculum online to peruse - check
Received confirmation that the Co-op would welcome us - check
Had many many many (many many) conversations about what about this, what about that, and this, or that, and have you thought of this, did you seriously consider that - check check and check!!
I think the thoroughness that I had given this surprised Jon (pleasantly!) and I felt so free, knowing that I didn't have to convince him. I just needed to be honest about what I was feeling and discovering and the LORD would do the rest.

Until this very weekend, I honestly had no idea which way the pendulum would swing. I have wrestled through so many misgivings. I really really like the elementary school. Love the sense of camaraderie and community. Enjoy the variety and diversity. Recognize that not every lesson can be taught in the home. I have struggled with how this would impact Little M, and each of her sisters. Would I have the energy to do this to the best of my ability? Sweet K requires more attention than a typical 4-year-old ... could I do both well?

And on. And on.

We finally came to the conclusion that it is best for us to teach Little M from home this year, quite likely the next and possibly a third. We'll see. I say: for the next foreseeable season, she's at home. Sweet K will continue to go to preschool one afternoon a week so that we can continue to build her case for requiring one-on-one assistance when she enters school (we are planning to send her next year, for her educational needs outweigh what I can give her at this point). How this will all play out --- I'm not even worried about it. I don't have all the answers, and I'm okay with that. If we've come this far, those details will become clear as we need them. For now we can focus on what we know, what we feel, what we believe.

It is good.

At some point we do want her in public school, as we both feel she will likely learn lessons there that we simply cannot teach her here. I look forward to getting involved with volunteering at that time, leading a Discovery class, assisting where needed in a classroom, helping with activities. Building community connections. I will miss that now, but know that a season is coming again when that will be a possibility.

If the tide had turned, and I'd be shopping for school supplies (which, incidentally I have to do anyway!) and packing her back pack and making sure all things were ready to go --- the journey would still have been worth it. I cannot explain how much I've learned, how much I've wrestled, and even how Jon & I have learned to communicate. It has not at all been easy, and comparable to the wrestle we had when deciding whether or not to have a third baby. Tough stuff.

But seeking out God's best is ALWAYS worth it.
You just never know which adventure is awaiting on the horizon!!

Cuckoo Bananas...

Yup. I can feel it.
We're at that half-way summertime hump.
You know. That hump.
That --- "the hot humid days are really bad for hair," the control issues in me surface and I long for more a bit more routine, and my emotional ability to handle sandbox sand in the house grows increasingly slim --- hump.

It's actually an annual milestone for me, and I've come to expect it.
I am no longer surprised by my quick peek at the sweaters pile in the closet, my freakish tendencies to make lists about everything, or that hyperventilating feeling I get when trying to pack a somewhat creative (but usually pretty standard) picnic lunch.
I usually combat it by snuggling in for a nap.
Nothing like a little sleep to restore perspective :).

A quick snooze after a morning of all-out playing fun!!

It's right around this time that I gaze nostalgically at ripening wheat, canola and flax fields. Growing up on a farm, we knew that the long summer days were running out and we'd be back in the classroom (and surrounded by friends!) shortly. I am still invigorated by the sight of farm equipment clearing a field as I recall the Harvest Buzz around our childhood home. Picnics on the field. Visits to Grandma's while my mom worked alongside my dad. 

It's right about now that I start to look at fall, how responsibilities will fit in and around family life, learning what to say "yes" to (and what to say "no" to).

And it's right about now that I embrace the sun-soaked mayhem a little longer, take a deep breath and enjoy that last stretch of summer.

And, just maybe, sneak a little snack. :)

Caught in the act of sneaking a sugar snap pea fresh from the garden

Choses J'adore

Choses J'adore sounds so much more refined and learned than the English translation... things I adore. Not to be sneaky about it -- I used an online translation tool for this! I do NOT have a gift for learning additional languages. In fact, as a youngster, I even boycotted Sesame Street when it went bilingual!!! Since then, I have set my language-snobbery ways aside, and have (through sheer force of the public school system) studied German and also (totally voluntarily, which makes ALL the difference) dabbled in Greek.

However, this just sounds so lovely, I could almost consider studying french ;).

Anyway. Choses J'adore.

This summer is the first in many many that I've actually paid any attention whatsoever to my gardens. Well, that's not entirely true either. Every year I have planted flowers and veggies. Every year I have enjoyed, to some degree, the fruits of both. However, due to the delightful absence of post-partum blues, a remarkably enjoyable lack of anxiety resulting from child-related doctor appointments, and time around the home (when I worked full time away from home - because now I work more than full time AT home ;) - our holidays were always spent traveling. Three weeks. On the road. With only a tent and a sunfire-sized trunk full of supplies. Ohhhhh the stories we could tell!!!) I'd say this is the first year I've actually truly enjoyed the work of gardening.

1. The first step was to purge the gimpy soaker hoses that were not at all doing a good job. What was meant to save time and energy, as well as conserve water, ended up to be a colossal waste of money. WOULD have been a colossal waste of money, however my financially super-smart husband saved all receipts and we were able to return the gimpy, useless hoses for a full refund. (Note to self: go to Canadian Tire website and make sure you write appropriately negative reviews for faulty products. Of which we have tried several. All of which. Gimpy.) I whipped out a sprinkler, and really, aside from running out every 30 minutes (which, let's face it, is good exercise and gets you outdoors, right :P?) is no extra work.
Choses J'adore list - add plenty of SUNSHINE, nicely watered gardens. And yes, exercise. Because THAT has not been a regular priority since Wee One's arrival last summer!!

2. The next step was to evaluate the rock-hard-baked ground that our gardens had become. A quick email fired off to my garden-loving friends revealed to quick, easy, and CHEAP solutions.
 - Peat moss. A whole brick. Used in one flower garden. I will do it again next year because the lovely soil is soooo worth it!!
 - Sheep poop. We do not fertilize with chemicals, typically (though we do use weed killer). And I'm working on composting, but ahem, my dedication to that lately has been about as faithful as exercise!!! But SHEEP POOP is cheap cheap cheap, easy to spread and oh my goodness. Abundance of greenness. Weeds included.
Choses J'adore list - add quick and easy gardening solutions that yield such noticeable results AND cheap sheep poop.


3. A few fun things that I've added - a $30 bistro set, which some day I will sit at, enjoy a cup of tea, while watching the kids play (now I'm busy keeping little hands from pulling things out of the garden, teaching young ones to stay away from the road, keeping gravel out of little mouths and actually weeding and tending the flowers themselves ;P); a few pots (Jon says I have to keep these pots ALIVE for at least one season before I can even CONTEMPLATE buying new, prettier pots :)...) and a wind chime that I can hear almost every day.
Choses J'adore list - add little things that make life fun - a great deal on a table set, flowers that were purchased on a family outing trip to a local greenhouse, most selected by moi, but some specifically and lovingly chosen by both Jon AND the kids, and the sound of music, whether it is a breeze, a tinkling wind chime, the crickets or a song.


Choses J'adore list - in pictures....

Thorns, Blooms and Grace

I was strolling through the gardens a few nights ago, and noticed something peculiar in my raspberry patch....

Now, as far as I know, lilies are not carried about by seeds.
Maybe they are, I don't know.
However, I do know that I have no idea how this lily bulb got transplanted smack in the middle of my prickly berry patch!

But there it was, blooming away as bright as could be.

And I thought about grace, and how even in life's prickly moments, full of thorns and weeds (you should see my raspberry patch, it has an abundant weed life!!), God's rich grace digs in deep and yields something so beautiful.
Even more breath-taking because of the pain surrounding it.

There have been seasons of life that I'd gladly have side-stepped - altogether uncomfortable and quite difficult. And yet, right in the middle of those pain-filled moments, God stepped in, and in His rich mercy, forged something even more wonderful than I could've imagined.

I am still tempted, sometimes, when I see the storm clouds gathering on life's horizon, to pray for an escape route from the coming storm. And yet, there is a knowing too, that the One who holds me is stronger than the winds that blow.

Rock of Ages, cleft for me
I will hide myself in Thee
Till the storms of life have passed...
And I'm safely home at last.
Rock of Ages, cleft for me
I will hide myself in Thee

Retreat

Hmmmm. I love a good retreat.

These days, I'd pick a cabin in the woods....

This would come complete with a hot cup of coffee, a lake or river nearby and a hammock nestled close by in the trees. Oh and a stack of really really good books. Oh and NO bugs! My loving family would be more than welcome to come along, but there would be PAQ moments for EVERYONE!!

...or...

a ride in a VW convertible...

Red? Model not included --- ha ha ha!

Or yellow perhaps? Cruising along the California coastline. Again, family is most welcome to come along, as long as we get to listen to my music.... with NO complaints :)!!

...or.... perhaps most realistically...

a trip to a favorite used bookstore which Jon & I discovered a few years ago when we were out and about, footloose and kid-free (they were staying at Grandma & Grandpa's), celebrating our 10-year anniversary :P...

... or try something new (I've only been wanting to go here for a few years now! It's an MCC based used book store in the north end of Winnipeg, with OF COURSE, a coffee house attached ;)....).

We all need a retreat... and our wee one is no exception!

Lately she has discovered our puppy's kennel!!! She LOVES tents and crawling through things, but this last week, if all is quiet, and she is no where to be seen, I go and check here....

Just this afternoon she discovered she was a wee bit lonely in there all by herself, so she managed to get her dolly in as well :).

Every one needs a little spot to call their own - even if it's just for a little while!

Retreat? Where would you go? What would you do?

Something we have to practice every day

Something shared...

with a friend....

is something....

blessed!

"Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity." Luke 6:38, The Message

The hunt for "One Word"

Oh dear. I read a post.
So many interesting thoughts start that way.
If only I could finish those thoughts too! Maybe.
Someday.
Anyway.

Inspired by a friend of mine to hunt for one word to live by, I was on a mission. My vocabulary isn't very extensive, but I do enjoy fishing around for just that right fit. Kinda look the BEST pair of jeans in your closet. Just gotta fit right. Or else it is a GRUMPY day all around ;).
Anyway again.

Ever since finding the word picaresque  in a novel (Angela Hunt, don't ask me which one, I was delirious with joy and fatigue at the time, probably read it during a mid-night feeding session!!) I've wanted to use it in a blog post. From the context of the book, I knew it had something to do with the concept of journeying. Exploring. Pressing on. Good thing I "googled it" before using it as my "one word." Ahem. This is what I discovered:

pic·a·resque

   [pik-uh-resk]  Show IPA

–adjective

1.

pertaining to, characteristic of, or characterized by a form ofprose fiction, originally developed in Spain, in whichthe adventures of an engagingly roguish hero are describedin a series of usually humorous or satiric episodes that oftendepict, in realistic detail, the everyday life of the commonpeople: picaresque novel; picaresque hero.

2.

of, pertaining to, or resembling rogues.

Origin: 
1800–10;  < Spanish picaresco. See picaro, -esque

—Related forms

un·pic·a·resque, adjective

—Can be confused:  picaresque, picturesque (see synonym noteat picturesque).

—Synonyms 
2.  prankish, rascally, devilish, raffish. 

While the thought of a satirical story of everyday life would be entertaining, I just cannot see myself as a really "good" rogue. I think I'm a bit to ... reserved ... for that. Sarcastic, perhaps. Prankish? Rascally? Probably not. 

So. Great word. I'm sure it would be fun. But, not my "one word."

I also thought about the word sojourn. However, apparently it has the connotation of "visit," as in "visiting a land for a holiday," and while this earth is not our eternal home, too much happens here to be a "visit." I prefer to reserve that term for the time I make it out to a quiet cottage, down by a lake, I will emphasize the word QUIET :). That will be a sanity sojourn :).

Then I thought about the word journey. I liked the adventure/epic theme in the first word. But somehow, journey just seemed overused. Kind of like my overuse of !!!! 

Kept fishing around. Pilgrim sounded a bit old-colony, and I kept thinking of that guy, some western fellow, (perhaps he was picaresque ;P), saying, "hey there, pil-grim." Ech.

But... journey... movement... a sense of adventure....

Pilgrimage.

A pilgrimage is a journey or search of great moral or spiritual significance. Typically, it is a journey to a shrine or other location of importance to a person's beliefs and faith. Many religions attach spiritual importance to particular places: the place of birth or death of founders or saints, or to the place of their "calling" or spiritual awakening, or of their connection (visual or verbal) with the divine, or to locations where miracles were performed or witnessed, or locations where a deity is said to live or be "housed," or any site that is seen to have special spiritual powers. Such sites may be commemorated with shrines or temples that devotees are encouraged to visit for their own spiritual benefit: to be healed or have questions answered or to achieve some other spiritual benefit. A person who makes such a journey is called a pilgrim. In America, the term pilgrim is typically associated with an early colonial protestant sect known for their strict rules of discipline.

It is the progression from one point of being to another. From beginning to end. For me, it is the essence of the adventure each of us is on - the movement from not knowing God to a deeper knowing of Him.

There are all sorts of characters along this journey that play a part in this epic story. People that have drawn me near to the heart of God, either by their teaching or their example. Others that have driven me to God by driving me to my knees ;). There is risk and romance ;), love and pain, anger, brokenness, confusion, despair, hope. There is adventure. There are seasons of routine, day-in day-out normalcy.

Recently I reread a passage that has spoken to me on numerous occasions:

⁵ Blessed are those whose strength is in you, 
   whose hearts are set on pilgrimage. 
⁶ As they pass through the Valley of Baka, 
   they make it a place of springs; 
   the autumn rains also cover it with pools.^[d] 
7 They go from strength to strength, 
   till each appears before God in Zion. Psalm 84:5-7


There have been times when I would've preferred a safe, predictable life. And really, by many standards, that is precisely what I do have. However, blessed are those... whose hearts are set on pilgrimage... those who are not content with the "not knowing,"who are willing to risk going near the heart of God; risk the exposure, the awestruck wonder, the change.


According to my understanding, the Valley of Baka is a dry, desert place. Just like seasons in my life, where there are times of relational dryness. Things feel disconnected, especially, even most keenly with the One who knows me better than I know myself. In fact, I'd say most days, that's how I feel right now. And yet, even in the midst of those times, particularly because of those times, there are oases of learning and knowing and growing that can make it a blessed place. It has the potential to go deeper because it becomes something I am less tempted to take for granted.


It took a while for me to connect to the concept of moving from strength to strength. As a person who has struggled intensely with anxiety, I tended to think of life in terms of from catastrophe to catastrophe, with perhaps a little plateau in between. What a IMMENSE RELIEF it was for me to embrace the understanding that I could step from "strength to strength" while enduring the trial or valley that often lies in between.


Okay, there is much more I could say, but I think I've (sort of :P?) made my point.
If I had to pick a word, it would be pilgrimage. A journey with highs and lows, of many awkward moments (like the time I tore my shorts on a fence at a baseball game AND held them shut as I ran the bases or the time I tried downhill skiing and ended up in a fence), of many many many laughs and a few (more than a few!) tears too. At the heart of it - a growing, deepening, widening understanding of Who this Creator King is and how He is worthy of praise.

OUT OF CURIOSITY, WHAT WOULD YOUR ONE WORD BE!?

PS - You'd think that all I do all day is sit around mulling things over till I'm almost cuckoo :)!!! That is not the case. I actually do dishes, laundry, vacuuming, gardening, and a whole lotta child rearing in there too, just for fun :)!