HOME: Some assembly required!

This spring, I've been noticing the robins as they've been gathering "stuff" to make a nest. Not sure why, because I've never really taken note of it before. But for some reason, this time around, it has caught my eye. The other day, on our stroll to the park, we noticed two birds "fighting" over the same sprig of something-or-other. We chuckled as they flitted at each other like two preschoolers competing for the same toy. Perhaps it was a particularly fluffy sprig. Or, perhaps, one bird's "condo" was in a nicer location and there was some competition goin' on. Who knows. It sure was cute though!

As I was arranging pots and flowers and envisioning gardens outside during a brief period of sunshine ;), I reflected on how it takes effort and intentionality to make a house --- a home. A place that is warm, inviting, comfortable. Safe. A place of laughter and a sense of "we're-in-this-thing-called-life-together." A place where it is "okay" to be characters in formation. 

No place has shaped me like my home has.

Some days (and weeks) go by, and I realize that my intentionality has slipped up a little. Perhaps it started through fatigue or that funk that accompanies a really "good" bad cold ;). Or it began when life got a little too full or that balance between yes-and-no was off. Then frustrations and tensions run a little higher, focus is skewed, and it all feels a little .... scrambly. I don't do well with scrambly :). 

And it suddenly dawns on me that I need to step back, re-evaluate what fits (and what doesn't) and how I'm going to respond to those usual triggers of frustration and discouragement rather than simply react to them.

This past week, I've been poking away at spring cleaning. (I finally tossed these outdated spices, bought who knows when!!, and was actually tempted to take a pic and post it just as proof that every once in a while, the spice cabinet is actually accessible!!) As I've organized and sorted, tossed and relocated ;P,  I've been mentally and emotionally sorting out what fits for our family. And it has been challenging, but good.

I find my contentment is most tested not by what I "have" (or don't have, because really most of our furniture is already-been-loved, and we just got a "new" table that is 35+ years old --- but is still in really great condition AND it can seat TWELVE people if we want to! Can't wait to use that space -- ahem, with guests, not by increasing the size of our family!) but by what I want to "get done." Not just chores, because somehow, those usually find a way of getting crossed of the list. But phone calls I have not made, books I have not read, space I have not created, friends I have not connected with, projects I have not finished.

I ask myself silly questions like -
"Leah, why on EARTH do you sign out 10 books when you KNOW that you will not be able to read them all?"
or "Why do you google YET MORE crochet patterns, knowing that you will not even tackle all the ones you've already been longing to try ;)?"
or "Why do you even attempt blogging when you think of all sorts of things to write but only ever get around to typing out a handful?"

Because I love books, and though I may never read them all, you'll never know what'll stand out and speak into your soul.
Because I love to crochet. And you never know what kind of pattern will jump out as a potential gift. I can't WAIT to post the most adorable project I've got on the go. If I ever finish it ;).
Because I love to write. I'm not a great writer, or particularly insightful or witty. I just enjoy writing. It's a hobby. It helps me figure out what fits, what doesn't. It helps me sort out life.

When I take a deep breath, and recognize the silly things that threaten to overwhelm me for what they are, I am far more attentive to creating a home that reflects who we are, whom we are becoming and, hopefully, most importantly, the One whom we want to honor. I am more available to respond to my children where they are at (instead of forcing an agenda or expectations) and am more attentive to my husband and the things he needs to hear from me too. I am more in tune with my own self, and take time to cultivate the essentials right now.

Not so long ago, I came across this quote that immediately made it my "fridge wall of inspiration" :). Every so often I actually LOOK at it, and it reminds me of the things my heart is learning right now! I tend to forget pretty quickly ;). This is one that speaks to me over and over and over...
"Practice is a patient, relaxed process of finding out what works and what doesn't... Either life is practice, or it is performance... it is surprise vs. control.... "professionalism" vs. amateur.... spontaneous vs. hesitant. None of us can be perfect. But everyone can be free. Which will you choose?" Mike Mason, Practicing the Presence of People.


As we practice life together, we refine each other (and there is a lot of refining work goin' on!!!!). We learn more about how to live life because of the One who has given life - His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. We practice, we fall down, we take a deep breath and say sorry and get back up again.

Perhaps I've noticed the nesting birds this spring because it resonates with the recognition that we too are a people under construction. As we build and shape and form, may the home we create be a haven for those in it and those welcome in it, as well as a testimony of grace to the One who offers it abundantly.

Phonetic Funnies

Over the past 1/2 year, Little M has started to play with words. Before, it was letters. Letters letters everywhere. Lately there has been an explosion of reading, writing and sentence forming. I love watching her explore with her words. It is often quite humorous. Most of the time she prefers to pick out the sounds she hears and spells accordingly. Sometimes she'll come to me if she's stuck. Sometimes we go over the words, correcting spelling and hunting out the sneaky letters (ones that don't necessarily make a sound). Lately, though, I just love her efforts as they are and find them so endearing. Perfecting the spelling will come with time. Now is a time to collect all these little clippings and practice pages.

One Sunday afternoon, during rest time, unbeknownst to me, she decided to make her first "book." It looked like this:

 M made this by herself. 

It has pictures in it.

I made it in rest time.

Poop poop.  ???

 Dear K

You are a messy eater

She's not being rude - it's kinda true ;)

I love you.

 Dear L

I love you.

You are a messy eater too.

 Dear Diggy.

I love you.

You are a vacuum cleaner.

!!!!

Recently, Little M was concerned about the dwindling selection of gel pens. Because she goes through them so fast, I decided that she could start "buying her own." When she realizes that she would like a new set of gel pens, we put together a chore list that will earn her 3 loonies. Then we head off to Dollarama, where she can buy a great pack of gel pens for $2+tax. It's great! She LOVES it. This is the second chore list that we're working on. The first involves me nearly having an emotional break down (stay tuned, I'll share that story later!!).

This is what she came up with all on her own...

1. Clean up. She is very serious about her clean ups. I kid you not. When she wants to (meaning it has been "her" idea) she will tidy up our entire living space. Happily. When I want her to, it's a bit more persuasion, and sometimes we have to do things we really don't want to do, but it is a responsibility that she's actually very good at. Hence, it made it onto the list :).

2. Make good choices. Always important ;).

3. Do not step in the garden that has sheep poop in it.   !!! Apparently Jon mentioned this while he was working sheep poop into our veggie garden. Good to note!!

4. Do not spill birthday cake on the floor. Sometimes excited little girls become quite exuberant and things go flying!

5. Don't make bad choices. Apparently a small theme running here ;)....

---

The last time we did this, I had to take Sweet K to a pediatrician appointment. These are not usually a lot of fun for me. Thankfully they are not as anxiety-packed as they used to be - but really, who likes having to take their kid to the doctor, right :)? I packed up all three girls on a very cold and windy winter day, drove an hour to the doctors office, found it downtown (I'd never been to that particular office before), found parking (always an issue) and made it to our appointment EARLY. Did you catch that - we were EARLY!!! Since we were there to discuss SLEEP ISSUES, I was already pretty pooped just from weeks (and weeks and weeks) of issue-ville. We shuffled into an empty waiting room. I was a bit perplexed by this, wondering if we'd have to wait an hour just to see the doctor. The gal sitting behind the desk blinked blinked at me. She wondered why I was there, considering the doctors were all on h.o.l.i.d.a.y.s. NO WAY. Honestly, I started to cry. Right there. In the office. Little M looked at me, and I looked at her. Well, hon, that was a colossal waste of time and energy. The gal behind the desk and I tried to resolve the issue, which happened to be some typo made by some clerk who will never know how much frustration she'd caused. Now I'd have to wait even longer to receive help (or at the very least some guidance and options). But, at the heart of what was hurting me was that this had taken a very precious at-home day for Little M. I treasure those days and try to keep them as relaxed as possible. PLUS I'd had her loonies in my purse, and I had to use them for parking. So, not only was our doctors appointment cancelled, but I had to go find change for these precious gel pens that Little M had worked so hard for. Feeling heavy, we gathered our gear and headed back to the elevator, down through a long hallway (not easy with a car seat, diaper bag, wandering 3 year old who hasn't slept properly EVER and 5 year old) and into a little pharmacy. 

I gently asked the fellow working at the till if he could break a $10 for me - a $5, and a $2 and 3 loonies. I got the scolding of a life time. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES does he give change for parking, because if he had to do it for ONE he'd have to do it FOR EVERYONE. HOWEVER, just THIS ONE TIME he'd forgo this stipulation and DO AS I ASKED. You'd think I'd held up the store at gun point or come in cussin' like a sailor, demanding my way!!! I stood there and just blinked. Blink blink. I had no words except, thank you, I guess. I hesitantly handed him my $10, which he snatched from my hand and in a dramatic fashion he dumped the requested change into my hand. The tone was clear: DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN.

Okay. Okay. I'll just back away sllloooowly.

I had set Wee One's car seat on the floor, and as I bent down to pick her up and gather my gear once again, 1/2 the contents of my water bottle (which was tucked into a precariously dangling diaper bag) spilled down my pants and onto the floor. I was perplexed as to why the bottom of my pants were suddenly soaking wet. Until aha. This particular water bottle has a sneaky lid. RIIIGHT. I stood up and spoke out loud to no one in particular "THIS DAY IS JUST GETTING WORSE AND WORSE." And then we shuffled out.

We got the stroller, which I loaded all three kids onto and walked along the down town streets to the nearest Dollarama. We passed all sorts of interesting characters, and I found myself praying for them - those who wandered, looking lost; the fellow who picked the used cig butt out of the snow bank just to finish it off. They looked at us, and I'm sure we were quite the sight - Little M's toque tassels wafting in the wind, Sweet K's sweet face peeking out from her layers of hat and hood. And every so often a squeak from the car seat :). We received many hellos and smiles and laughs. Suddenly the world felt a bit brighter :).

Little M proudly marched into the Dollarama, ready to pick out her gel pens. True to fashion, she had to look at all the options before selecting the just-right package. She paid for her purchase, the gal behind the till chuckling as Little M explained her mission.

We returned to the van. We returned home.  It was a quiet ride and I was thankful.

I found Little M's chore chart hilarious! I am so proud of her for taking responsibility for it, and though I'm not exactly sure how we can check off "don't spill the birthday cake" when she did, TWICE!!, I am hoping our next adventure will be less .... adventurous :).

Punctuality

Just over a week ago, I celebrated 33 trips around the sun!
And what a grand adventure it has been!!
Wow.
Some delightful moments.
Some .... less than stellar ;).
All in all, I'm thoroughly enjoying the journey!

I come from a family who loves to give fabulous gifts. In the "love languages," this definitely stands out. I am certainly not complaining ;) --- I have received many thought-filled presents, and have tried to return the favor!

Now, if you've ever waited for me to show up at a coffee shop, or swing past your house to drop something off, or ever had to wait for one of my "just one moment please" or if you've been sitting in your driveway an extra moment or two waiting for me to pick you up.... or if you realized that I collect clocks but ALL of them are really set at different times (not entirely intentionally, some are lacking batteries, some are strategically set 5 minutes ahead!!!). In fact, if you've ever ever had to wait for me at all, you'd realize just how hilarious this precious gift is:

And like all truly great gifts, this one has a (small, but cute) story attached to it. This past winter, while we were in Florida, I was walking through the gift shop of a restaurant chain and saw this clock. I burst out laughing. It's me, through and through. However, true to form, I reasoned that we'd already spent so much money on a holiday, why buy (yet another) clock. Plus I had three kids with me (who were well past bed time) one of which had been howling for about an hour already and fishing the cash out of the diaper bag seemed like a ginormous amount of work! Blah blah blah. So, of course, I left it.

And it's one of those things I thought of obsessively on that loooong drive home!

So, when my parents decided to head south for a few weeks, I mentioned to my mom that SHOULD SHE come across this restaurant chain, and SHOULD SHE happen to find this particular clock in the store window, COULD SHE PLEASE BUY IT FOR ME. I'd pay her back. Promise promise promise :).

She, being sweet and kind and a very good listener, picked it up for me and gave it to me as a birthday gift :).

I was now able to remove a very ugly clock and replace it with this beautiful shiny clock that makes me all happy and smiley every time I see it.

You see, I am working on my punctuality. And yes, I have really really improved over time. However, I suspect it will always be something I have to be intentional about. Some days I'm okay with that. Some days I'm not. And some days - well, sometimes you've just gotta laugh!!

Vitamin D therapy!

Ah. Finally. The rainy clouds have passed and the sun is out once again. In the words of Little M, spoken as we were leaving for school this morning, able to enjoy a gorgeous walk in the spring air, "Mom, I just LOVE spring days like this."

Me too, honey. Me too.

We've spent much of the past few days outdoors. Some playing. Some working. My flower beds were a sore sight after some a lot of neglect last summer :). But as I dug out the weeds, and rediscovered the hidden gems beneath, I decluttered heart and soul and mind in the process.

Even as I drifted off to sleep, I saw pictures of discarded weeds dancing behind my eyelids. Ah. Satisfaction!

In between tending to this, that and the other thing for the little ones dashing here and there, slowly clarity comes, in both the garden and heart. Things that can seem so complicated can become quite simple. Not always easy, but simple. It was sheer joy to head outdoors last night after the little ones were squeaky clean and tucked under the covers. Ipod in hand, there was space to dig, pray, yank, sing, think. AND THERE WERE NO BUGS!!!

As I absorbed the last of the sun for the day, I was thankful for the new life starting to grow. To enjoy the blooms already showing and to rejoice over the return of my rose bush and hydrangea. For the chance to dig out the weeds and start again. 

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, 
   for his compassions never fail. 
They are new every morning; 
   great is your faithfulness. 

Lamentations 3:22-23

Trip down memory lane

Occasionally when I head out to my parent's farm, I drive through the little town that I called "home" for the first 19 years of my life. Barely a blink on the map, really. It's hard to imagine that even in such a little outta-the-way place, so many things can happen. Of course, because LIFE happens, and it's all unique and monumental, no matter how big or small.

As I slowly idle along memory lane, I pass the school that I attended K-8. It still looks pretty much the same, except the paint is peeling a bit more :) and it seems to grow smaller with time.

I point out the church I attended - where I went to youth group, got baptized, sang in the childrens choir and discovered the ups and downs of young friendships.

And always always always, I then drive by my beloved Grandma's place. She died when I was in grade 5. A surprise to us all, really. She was a good friend for me. As grain farmers, my parents were often busy during those harvest weeks, and so we spent those days in the care of Grandma. She was spunky and gentle. She loved WWF wrestling and Young and the Restless. She was a devoted Christian, creator of tea parties and a fabulous gardener. She taught me to play Scrabble and how to crochet. Her house always smelled like freshly baked buns and homemade soup. Of course, I am biased, but I think she was a saint. Hers was my first encounter with death, and it was very difficult for me. Even now, 22 years later, it still makes me sad.

And then, out to the farm. I love bringing the kids out to mom and dad's place. So many adventures and memories and milestones (and not all easy ones, either :P). And I love creating new moments with my family there. I hope my kids feel the same way about their own home someday.

Excessively dwelling on past things is not always healthy. Sometimes, however, remembering is a good thing. It creates appreciation for what once was, what can be and lessons (some very tough lessons!) learned along the way.

What adventures are along your trips down memory lane?

Celebrate life :)

Wow. It's been a while.

Life has been full of good things.

 

Like the discovery of the swing :). The snow is all gone now, however I did resort to shoveling out the swing set just so we could enjoy some fresh spring fun!

Spring time picnics

Celebrating the gift of parenthood and the responsibility that it is. Here were are at the baby dedication moment. This is more of an "action shot" than anything else. Wee One was NOT about to hold still for more than half a second. If that :).

Grandma's birthday party. That finally happened. Unfortunately the masseuse that was we had arranged to come over and give mom her birthday present could not come on our rescheduled date. Bummer. However, seriously, this photo does not even do justice to the chaos that reigned. At one point, I just stood in the middle of the room laughing until the tears rolled down my cheeks. We're a motley crew, but it sure is FUN!! Next time we're going for something quiet and private, like a fondue. Just don't tell my mom ;).

 Just hanging out. Wee One looks so much like her daddy it just makes me giggle :).

 Sweet K. Sweet as ever.

Happy mothers day. Gifts given, gifts received. It is good to honor those in our lives who have lived and loved into us and helped shaped us into the people that we are. A blessed thing indeed.

At this time, six years ago....

Six years ago at this time I was vacillating between "freaking out excited" and "freaking out-freaking out." After a six year journey, I was finishing a college degree and beginning a masters. It was graduation weekend and we were celebrating the accomplishment.

  

But, between Jon and I, we were celebrating/trying to wrap our minds around/jumping for joy/panicking for another reason....

We'd just discovered that we were parents!!!

  

I will never forget the Saturday afternoon when we made this discovery. Exactly one week prior we'd just adopted a sweet little pooch. I've never been much of an animal person, but after talking about it at great length and doing a bit of research it seemed like a grand idea. However, the poor pup didn't stand a chance against the surge of hormones, sensitivity to smells and fatigue that my body was going through (all unbeknownst to me - I just thought I was "emotional" :P). Very quickly it became evident that I was not at all about to bond with this sweet dog. And he was sooooo cute!!

Approximately four days after his arrival, I glanced at the calendar, started to do the counting of days, and got mighty suspicious..... it took until Saturday before I caved and snuck into the local pharmacy, scouted around to make sure that there was no one who recognized me in there, grabbed a pregnancy test (and paid for it :P) and ducked out again. It sat on the counter a little while before I had the courage to use it.

The results didn't take long.
Two little lines.
Two parents in the making; one baby.
Oh. Wow.

 

After breathing a bit, I went outside to get Jon, who was repairing an electrical outlet at the time. I recall how I said, "Jo-on? You better come inside for a moment." He carefully set his tools down. We skittered into the house. He looked at the test. Carefully read through the instructions.
"Two lines."
"Yup."
"According to this that means positive."
"Yup again."
Oh. Wow.

 

We'd been hoping... but weren't sure it would ever happen... and then suddenly, when we least expected it... here it was.... this great gift. As far as we could tell, I was already 6 weeks along. When you're counting life in terms of weeks, that's a long time!!! We waited FOUR MORE WEEKS before telling family, and another TWO WEEKS to share it with co-workers and friends. It was a blessing to keep this just between us for the first while. And it gave us some time to prepare ourselves as well :).

 

The second time I had news to share with Jon, I left the test on the bathroom counter as a surprise for him. Hard secret to keep :).
"Uh, two lines."
"Yup."
"What does that mean again?"
"Positive."
Oh. Wow. Again :).

 

The third time I actually took a picture of the positive test result (Jon was NOT aware that I was planning to take one that day) and emailed it to him at work :)!! Not two minutes later, the phone rang....
"There are two lines on that test."
"Yup."
"Does that mean positive :)?"
"Yup."

It feels like we've traveled a million miles since that first moment. And what an amazing journey it has been. We've learned, grown, survived birth :); created stories and memories; and marveled at these little people God has shared with us for this time.

 

It is a gift. We are grateful.

Oh, and about the dog - soon the hormones settled down and we became excellent pals. In fact, he was very good company during those first few weeks at home. He's the only dog (animal, really) I've ever loved (which is a mighty lucky thing for him, or else he'd gone packin' early on!!) and a fixture in our family. He joins us in most of our family adventures, he's adored by the girls (not sure the feeling is mutual, but he is very very good about it!!) and he sleeps on our bed (something I SWORE I'd never do!!). Couldn't imagine life without him!