Thorns, Blooms and Grace

I was strolling through the gardens a few nights ago, and noticed something peculiar in my raspberry patch....

Now, as far as I know, lilies are not carried about by seeds.
Maybe they are, I don't know.
However, I do know that I have no idea how this lily bulb got transplanted smack in the middle of my prickly berry patch!

But there it was, blooming away as bright as could be.

And I thought about grace, and how even in life's prickly moments, full of thorns and weeds (you should see my raspberry patch, it has an abundant weed life!!), God's rich grace digs in deep and yields something so beautiful.
Even more breath-taking because of the pain surrounding it.

There have been seasons of life that I'd gladly have side-stepped - altogether uncomfortable and quite difficult. And yet, right in the middle of those pain-filled moments, God stepped in, and in His rich mercy, forged something even more wonderful than I could've imagined.

I am still tempted, sometimes, when I see the storm clouds gathering on life's horizon, to pray for an escape route from the coming storm. And yet, there is a knowing too, that the One who holds me is stronger than the winds that blow.

Rock of Ages, cleft for me
I will hide myself in Thee
Till the storms of life have passed...
And I'm safely home at last.
Rock of Ages, cleft for me
I will hide myself in Thee

Something we have to practice every day

Something shared...

with a friend....

is something....

blessed!

"Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity." Luke 6:38, The Message

Through the eyes of a child...

Yesterday morning me and my gals were getting ready to do a grocery and dollarstore run.

The excitement was almost palpable!

I had suggested the night before (after checking the temperamental weather to see if there was, in fact, sun forecasted for the next day) that instead of racing home after our shopping expedition was complete, we should pack a picnic and head to a park to burn off some steam first. (Not that I would have steam to burn off, more or less longing for a nap under a shady tree, but after being cooped up in a cart all morning, and getting along reasonably well, my girls would love to run free for a little while!)

Little M was still groggy from the night's sleep - and among her first words to me was this little revelation:

"Mommy, I've really seen some vans DO this. They really really do!! They drive into a McDonald's parking lot, and drive up to a little window. That little window OPENS UP and they pass McDonald's food INTO that van!! I think our van should try that. Yep. I really really do. I've really really seen that mommy." All the while she's super-animated, nodding and motioning with her hands about vans driving and stopping at a window and grabbing a bag for the road :).

I burst out laughing. Oh the magic of drive thru. I guess we've not really done that before - but somehow she's picked up on this possibility. I explained that yes, that there was, in fact, something called drive thru, and that though I already had our picnic packed for the day, we could try it sometime. Get McDonald's and THEN head to a park.

We went on to have a delightful morning and afternoon. And we (finally, around 1:30, which is pretty late with little ones and a baby who wasn't able to have her bottle because her mother forgot it at home!) managed to find a fun park to play at. But I can assure you, the PAQ at the end of the day was divine!!

The hunt for "One Word"

Oh dear. I read a post.
So many interesting thoughts start that way.
If only I could finish those thoughts too! Maybe.
Someday.
Anyway.

Inspired by a friend of mine to hunt for one word to live by, I was on a mission. My vocabulary isn't very extensive, but I do enjoy fishing around for just that right fit. Kinda look the BEST pair of jeans in your closet. Just gotta fit right. Or else it is a GRUMPY day all around ;).
Anyway again.

Ever since finding the word picaresque  in a novel (Angela Hunt, don't ask me which one, I was delirious with joy and fatigue at the time, probably read it during a mid-night feeding session!!) I've wanted to use it in a blog post. From the context of the book, I knew it had something to do with the concept of journeying. Exploring. Pressing on. Good thing I "googled it" before using it as my "one word." Ahem. This is what I discovered:

pic·a·resque

   [pik-uh-resk]  Show IPA

–adjective

1.

pertaining to, characteristic of, or characterized by a form ofprose fiction, originally developed in Spain, in whichthe adventures of an engagingly roguish hero are describedin a series of usually humorous or satiric episodes that oftendepict, in realistic detail, the everyday life of the commonpeople: picaresque novel; picaresque hero.

2.

of, pertaining to, or resembling rogues.

Origin: 
1800–10;  < Spanish picaresco. See picaro, -esque

—Related forms

un·pic·a·resque, adjective

—Can be confused:  picaresque, picturesque (see synonym noteat picturesque).

—Synonyms 
2.  prankish, rascally, devilish, raffish. 

While the thought of a satirical story of everyday life would be entertaining, I just cannot see myself as a really "good" rogue. I think I'm a bit to ... reserved ... for that. Sarcastic, perhaps. Prankish? Rascally? Probably not. 

So. Great word. I'm sure it would be fun. But, not my "one word."

I also thought about the word sojourn. However, apparently it has the connotation of "visit," as in "visiting a land for a holiday," and while this earth is not our eternal home, too much happens here to be a "visit." I prefer to reserve that term for the time I make it out to a quiet cottage, down by a lake, I will emphasize the word QUIET :). That will be a sanity sojourn :).

Then I thought about the word journey. I liked the adventure/epic theme in the first word. But somehow, journey just seemed overused. Kind of like my overuse of !!!! 

Kept fishing around. Pilgrim sounded a bit old-colony, and I kept thinking of that guy, some western fellow, (perhaps he was picaresque ;P), saying, "hey there, pil-grim." Ech.

But... journey... movement... a sense of adventure....

Pilgrimage.

A pilgrimage is a journey or search of great moral or spiritual significance. Typically, it is a journey to a shrine or other location of importance to a person's beliefs and faith. Many religions attach spiritual importance to particular places: the place of birth or death of founders or saints, or to the place of their "calling" or spiritual awakening, or of their connection (visual or verbal) with the divine, or to locations where miracles were performed or witnessed, or locations where a deity is said to live or be "housed," or any site that is seen to have special spiritual powers. Such sites may be commemorated with shrines or temples that devotees are encouraged to visit for their own spiritual benefit: to be healed or have questions answered or to achieve some other spiritual benefit. A person who makes such a journey is called a pilgrim. In America, the term pilgrim is typically associated with an early colonial protestant sect known for their strict rules of discipline.

It is the progression from one point of being to another. From beginning to end. For me, it is the essence of the adventure each of us is on - the movement from not knowing God to a deeper knowing of Him.

There are all sorts of characters along this journey that play a part in this epic story. People that have drawn me near to the heart of God, either by their teaching or their example. Others that have driven me to God by driving me to my knees ;). There is risk and romance ;), love and pain, anger, brokenness, confusion, despair, hope. There is adventure. There are seasons of routine, day-in day-out normalcy.

Recently I reread a passage that has spoken to me on numerous occasions:

⁵ Blessed are those whose strength is in you, 
   whose hearts are set on pilgrimage. 
⁶ As they pass through the Valley of Baka, 
   they make it a place of springs; 
   the autumn rains also cover it with pools.^[d] 
7 They go from strength to strength, 
   till each appears before God in Zion. Psalm 84:5-7


There have been times when I would've preferred a safe, predictable life. And really, by many standards, that is precisely what I do have. However, blessed are those... whose hearts are set on pilgrimage... those who are not content with the "not knowing,"who are willing to risk going near the heart of God; risk the exposure, the awestruck wonder, the change.


According to my understanding, the Valley of Baka is a dry, desert place. Just like seasons in my life, where there are times of relational dryness. Things feel disconnected, especially, even most keenly with the One who knows me better than I know myself. In fact, I'd say most days, that's how I feel right now. And yet, even in the midst of those times, particularly because of those times, there are oases of learning and knowing and growing that can make it a blessed place. It has the potential to go deeper because it becomes something I am less tempted to take for granted.


It took a while for me to connect to the concept of moving from strength to strength. As a person who has struggled intensely with anxiety, I tended to think of life in terms of from catastrophe to catastrophe, with perhaps a little plateau in between. What a IMMENSE RELIEF it was for me to embrace the understanding that I could step from "strength to strength" while enduring the trial or valley that often lies in between.


Okay, there is much more I could say, but I think I've (sort of :P?) made my point.
If I had to pick a word, it would be pilgrimage. A journey with highs and lows, of many awkward moments (like the time I tore my shorts on a fence at a baseball game AND held them shut as I ran the bases or the time I tried downhill skiing and ended up in a fence), of many many many laughs and a few (more than a few!) tears too. At the heart of it - a growing, deepening, widening understanding of Who this Creator King is and how He is worthy of praise.

OUT OF CURIOSITY, WHAT WOULD YOUR ONE WORD BE!?

PS - You'd think that all I do all day is sit around mulling things over till I'm almost cuckoo :)!!! That is not the case. I actually do dishes, laundry, vacuuming, gardening, and a whole lotta child rearing in there too, just for fun :)!

Phonetic Funnies

Over the past 1/2 year, Little M has started to play with words. Before, it was letters. Letters letters everywhere. Lately there has been an explosion of reading, writing and sentence forming. I love watching her explore with her words. It is often quite humorous. Most of the time she prefers to pick out the sounds she hears and spells accordingly. Sometimes she'll come to me if she's stuck. Sometimes we go over the words, correcting spelling and hunting out the sneaky letters (ones that don't necessarily make a sound). Lately, though, I just love her efforts as they are and find them so endearing. Perfecting the spelling will come with time. Now is a time to collect all these little clippings and practice pages.

One Sunday afternoon, during rest time, unbeknownst to me, she decided to make her first "book." It looked like this:

 M made this by herself. 

It has pictures in it.

I made it in rest time.

Poop poop.  ???

 Dear K

You are a messy eater

She's not being rude - it's kinda true ;)

I love you.

 Dear L

I love you.

You are a messy eater too.

 Dear Diggy.

I love you.

You are a vacuum cleaner.

!!!!

Recently, Little M was concerned about the dwindling selection of gel pens. Because she goes through them so fast, I decided that she could start "buying her own." When she realizes that she would like a new set of gel pens, we put together a chore list that will earn her 3 loonies. Then we head off to Dollarama, where she can buy a great pack of gel pens for $2+tax. It's great! She LOVES it. This is the second chore list that we're working on. The first involves me nearly having an emotional break down (stay tuned, I'll share that story later!!).

This is what she came up with all on her own...

1. Clean up. She is very serious about her clean ups. I kid you not. When she wants to (meaning it has been "her" idea) she will tidy up our entire living space. Happily. When I want her to, it's a bit more persuasion, and sometimes we have to do things we really don't want to do, but it is a responsibility that she's actually very good at. Hence, it made it onto the list :).

2. Make good choices. Always important ;).

3. Do not step in the garden that has sheep poop in it.   !!! Apparently Jon mentioned this while he was working sheep poop into our veggie garden. Good to note!!

4. Do not spill birthday cake on the floor. Sometimes excited little girls become quite exuberant and things go flying!

5. Don't make bad choices. Apparently a small theme running here ;)....

---

The last time we did this, I had to take Sweet K to a pediatrician appointment. These are not usually a lot of fun for me. Thankfully they are not as anxiety-packed as they used to be - but really, who likes having to take their kid to the doctor, right :)? I packed up all three girls on a very cold and windy winter day, drove an hour to the doctors office, found it downtown (I'd never been to that particular office before), found parking (always an issue) and made it to our appointment EARLY. Did you catch that - we were EARLY!!! Since we were there to discuss SLEEP ISSUES, I was already pretty pooped just from weeks (and weeks and weeks) of issue-ville. We shuffled into an empty waiting room. I was a bit perplexed by this, wondering if we'd have to wait an hour just to see the doctor. The gal sitting behind the desk blinked blinked at me. She wondered why I was there, considering the doctors were all on h.o.l.i.d.a.y.s. NO WAY. Honestly, I started to cry. Right there. In the office. Little M looked at me, and I looked at her. Well, hon, that was a colossal waste of time and energy. The gal behind the desk and I tried to resolve the issue, which happened to be some typo made by some clerk who will never know how much frustration she'd caused. Now I'd have to wait even longer to receive help (or at the very least some guidance and options). But, at the heart of what was hurting me was that this had taken a very precious at-home day for Little M. I treasure those days and try to keep them as relaxed as possible. PLUS I'd had her loonies in my purse, and I had to use them for parking. So, not only was our doctors appointment cancelled, but I had to go find change for these precious gel pens that Little M had worked so hard for. Feeling heavy, we gathered our gear and headed back to the elevator, down through a long hallway (not easy with a car seat, diaper bag, wandering 3 year old who hasn't slept properly EVER and 5 year old) and into a little pharmacy. 

I gently asked the fellow working at the till if he could break a $10 for me - a $5, and a $2 and 3 loonies. I got the scolding of a life time. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES does he give change for parking, because if he had to do it for ONE he'd have to do it FOR EVERYONE. HOWEVER, just THIS ONE TIME he'd forgo this stipulation and DO AS I ASKED. You'd think I'd held up the store at gun point or come in cussin' like a sailor, demanding my way!!! I stood there and just blinked. Blink blink. I had no words except, thank you, I guess. I hesitantly handed him my $10, which he snatched from my hand and in a dramatic fashion he dumped the requested change into my hand. The tone was clear: DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN.

Okay. Okay. I'll just back away sllloooowly.

I had set Wee One's car seat on the floor, and as I bent down to pick her up and gather my gear once again, 1/2 the contents of my water bottle (which was tucked into a precariously dangling diaper bag) spilled down my pants and onto the floor. I was perplexed as to why the bottom of my pants were suddenly soaking wet. Until aha. This particular water bottle has a sneaky lid. RIIIGHT. I stood up and spoke out loud to no one in particular "THIS DAY IS JUST GETTING WORSE AND WORSE." And then we shuffled out.

We got the stroller, which I loaded all three kids onto and walked along the down town streets to the nearest Dollarama. We passed all sorts of interesting characters, and I found myself praying for them - those who wandered, looking lost; the fellow who picked the used cig butt out of the snow bank just to finish it off. They looked at us, and I'm sure we were quite the sight - Little M's toque tassels wafting in the wind, Sweet K's sweet face peeking out from her layers of hat and hood. And every so often a squeak from the car seat :). We received many hellos and smiles and laughs. Suddenly the world felt a bit brighter :).

Little M proudly marched into the Dollarama, ready to pick out her gel pens. True to fashion, she had to look at all the options before selecting the just-right package. She paid for her purchase, the gal behind the till chuckling as Little M explained her mission.

We returned to the van. We returned home.  It was a quiet ride and I was thankful.

I found Little M's chore chart hilarious! I am so proud of her for taking responsibility for it, and though I'm not exactly sure how we can check off "don't spill the birthday cake" when she did, TWICE!!, I am hoping our next adventure will be less .... adventurous :).