Thorns, Blooms and Grace

I was strolling through the gardens a few nights ago, and noticed something peculiar in my raspberry patch....

Now, as far as I know, lilies are not carried about by seeds.
Maybe they are, I don't know.
However, I do know that I have no idea how this lily bulb got transplanted smack in the middle of my prickly berry patch!

But there it was, blooming away as bright as could be.

And I thought about grace, and how even in life's prickly moments, full of thorns and weeds (you should see my raspberry patch, it has an abundant weed life!!), God's rich grace digs in deep and yields something so beautiful.
Even more breath-taking because of the pain surrounding it.

There have been seasons of life that I'd gladly have side-stepped - altogether uncomfortable and quite difficult. And yet, right in the middle of those pain-filled moments, God stepped in, and in His rich mercy, forged something even more wonderful than I could've imagined.

I am still tempted, sometimes, when I see the storm clouds gathering on life's horizon, to pray for an escape route from the coming storm. And yet, there is a knowing too, that the One who holds me is stronger than the winds that blow.

Rock of Ages, cleft for me
I will hide myself in Thee
Till the storms of life have passed...
And I'm safely home at last.
Rock of Ages, cleft for me
I will hide myself in Thee

The hunt for "One Word"

Oh dear. I read a post.
So many interesting thoughts start that way.
If only I could finish those thoughts too! Maybe.
Someday.
Anyway.

Inspired by a friend of mine to hunt for one word to live by, I was on a mission. My vocabulary isn't very extensive, but I do enjoy fishing around for just that right fit. Kinda look the BEST pair of jeans in your closet. Just gotta fit right. Or else it is a GRUMPY day all around ;).
Anyway again.

Ever since finding the word picaresque  in a novel (Angela Hunt, don't ask me which one, I was delirious with joy and fatigue at the time, probably read it during a mid-night feeding session!!) I've wanted to use it in a blog post. From the context of the book, I knew it had something to do with the concept of journeying. Exploring. Pressing on. Good thing I "googled it" before using it as my "one word." Ahem. This is what I discovered:

pic·a·resque

   [pik-uh-resk]  Show IPA

–adjective

1.

pertaining to, characteristic of, or characterized by a form ofprose fiction, originally developed in Spain, in whichthe adventures of an engagingly roguish hero are describedin a series of usually humorous or satiric episodes that oftendepict, in realistic detail, the everyday life of the commonpeople: picaresque novel; picaresque hero.

2.

of, pertaining to, or resembling rogues.

Origin: 
1800–10;  < Spanish picaresco. See picaro, -esque

—Related forms

un·pic·a·resque, adjective

—Can be confused:  picaresque, picturesque (see synonym noteat picturesque).

—Synonyms 
2.  prankish, rascally, devilish, raffish. 

While the thought of a satirical story of everyday life would be entertaining, I just cannot see myself as a really "good" rogue. I think I'm a bit to ... reserved ... for that. Sarcastic, perhaps. Prankish? Rascally? Probably not. 

So. Great word. I'm sure it would be fun. But, not my "one word."

I also thought about the word sojourn. However, apparently it has the connotation of "visit," as in "visiting a land for a holiday," and while this earth is not our eternal home, too much happens here to be a "visit." I prefer to reserve that term for the time I make it out to a quiet cottage, down by a lake, I will emphasize the word QUIET :). That will be a sanity sojourn :).

Then I thought about the word journey. I liked the adventure/epic theme in the first word. But somehow, journey just seemed overused. Kind of like my overuse of !!!! 

Kept fishing around. Pilgrim sounded a bit old-colony, and I kept thinking of that guy, some western fellow, (perhaps he was picaresque ;P), saying, "hey there, pil-grim." Ech.

But... journey... movement... a sense of adventure....

Pilgrimage.

A pilgrimage is a journey or search of great moral or spiritual significance. Typically, it is a journey to a shrine or other location of importance to a person's beliefs and faith. Many religions attach spiritual importance to particular places: the place of birth or death of founders or saints, or to the place of their "calling" or spiritual awakening, or of their connection (visual or verbal) with the divine, or to locations where miracles were performed or witnessed, or locations where a deity is said to live or be "housed," or any site that is seen to have special spiritual powers. Such sites may be commemorated with shrines or temples that devotees are encouraged to visit for their own spiritual benefit: to be healed or have questions answered or to achieve some other spiritual benefit. A person who makes such a journey is called a pilgrim. In America, the term pilgrim is typically associated with an early colonial protestant sect known for their strict rules of discipline.

It is the progression from one point of being to another. From beginning to end. For me, it is the essence of the adventure each of us is on - the movement from not knowing God to a deeper knowing of Him.

There are all sorts of characters along this journey that play a part in this epic story. People that have drawn me near to the heart of God, either by their teaching or their example. Others that have driven me to God by driving me to my knees ;). There is risk and romance ;), love and pain, anger, brokenness, confusion, despair, hope. There is adventure. There are seasons of routine, day-in day-out normalcy.

Recently I reread a passage that has spoken to me on numerous occasions:

⁵ Blessed are those whose strength is in you, 
   whose hearts are set on pilgrimage. 
⁶ As they pass through the Valley of Baka, 
   they make it a place of springs; 
   the autumn rains also cover it with pools.^[d] 
7 They go from strength to strength, 
   till each appears before God in Zion. Psalm 84:5-7


There have been times when I would've preferred a safe, predictable life. And really, by many standards, that is precisely what I do have. However, blessed are those... whose hearts are set on pilgrimage... those who are not content with the "not knowing,"who are willing to risk going near the heart of God; risk the exposure, the awestruck wonder, the change.


According to my understanding, the Valley of Baka is a dry, desert place. Just like seasons in my life, where there are times of relational dryness. Things feel disconnected, especially, even most keenly with the One who knows me better than I know myself. In fact, I'd say most days, that's how I feel right now. And yet, even in the midst of those times, particularly because of those times, there are oases of learning and knowing and growing that can make it a blessed place. It has the potential to go deeper because it becomes something I am less tempted to take for granted.


It took a while for me to connect to the concept of moving from strength to strength. As a person who has struggled intensely with anxiety, I tended to think of life in terms of from catastrophe to catastrophe, with perhaps a little plateau in between. What a IMMENSE RELIEF it was for me to embrace the understanding that I could step from "strength to strength" while enduring the trial or valley that often lies in between.


Okay, there is much more I could say, but I think I've (sort of :P?) made my point.
If I had to pick a word, it would be pilgrimage. A journey with highs and lows, of many awkward moments (like the time I tore my shorts on a fence at a baseball game AND held them shut as I ran the bases or the time I tried downhill skiing and ended up in a fence), of many many many laughs and a few (more than a few!) tears too. At the heart of it - a growing, deepening, widening understanding of Who this Creator King is and how He is worthy of praise.

OUT OF CURIOSITY, WHAT WOULD YOUR ONE WORD BE!?

PS - You'd think that all I do all day is sit around mulling things over till I'm almost cuckoo :)!!! That is not the case. I actually do dishes, laundry, vacuuming, gardening, and a whole lotta child rearing in there too, just for fun :)!

Punctuality

Just over a week ago, I celebrated 33 trips around the sun!
And what a grand adventure it has been!!
Wow.
Some delightful moments.
Some .... less than stellar ;).
All in all, I'm thoroughly enjoying the journey!

I come from a family who loves to give fabulous gifts. In the "love languages," this definitely stands out. I am certainly not complaining ;) --- I have received many thought-filled presents, and have tried to return the favor!

Now, if you've ever waited for me to show up at a coffee shop, or swing past your house to drop something off, or ever had to wait for one of my "just one moment please" or if you've been sitting in your driveway an extra moment or two waiting for me to pick you up.... or if you realized that I collect clocks but ALL of them are really set at different times (not entirely intentionally, some are lacking batteries, some are strategically set 5 minutes ahead!!!). In fact, if you've ever ever had to wait for me at all, you'd realize just how hilarious this precious gift is:

And like all truly great gifts, this one has a (small, but cute) story attached to it. This past winter, while we were in Florida, I was walking through the gift shop of a restaurant chain and saw this clock. I burst out laughing. It's me, through and through. However, true to form, I reasoned that we'd already spent so much money on a holiday, why buy (yet another) clock. Plus I had three kids with me (who were well past bed time) one of which had been howling for about an hour already and fishing the cash out of the diaper bag seemed like a ginormous amount of work! Blah blah blah. So, of course, I left it.

And it's one of those things I thought of obsessively on that loooong drive home!

So, when my parents decided to head south for a few weeks, I mentioned to my mom that SHOULD SHE come across this restaurant chain, and SHOULD SHE happen to find this particular clock in the store window, COULD SHE PLEASE BUY IT FOR ME. I'd pay her back. Promise promise promise :).

She, being sweet and kind and a very good listener, picked it up for me and gave it to me as a birthday gift :).

I was now able to remove a very ugly clock and replace it with this beautiful shiny clock that makes me all happy and smiley every time I see it.

You see, I am working on my punctuality. And yes, I have really really improved over time. However, I suspect it will always be something I have to be intentional about. Some days I'm okay with that. Some days I'm not. And some days - well, sometimes you've just gotta laugh!!

A Season For Everything

A conversation around here went something like this:

Jon: You want a henna tattoo?
Me: Yes.
Jon: Why on earth would you want a henna tattoo?
Me: Because.
...
Because I think they're kinda fun AND they're not permanent. Like nail polish, only it lasts longer :).

I've wanted a henna tattoo for YEARS. But, because I am thrifty and can't stand the thought of paying $25+ for a little doodad that will last MAYBE 6 weeks (probably not) --- I got to thinking --- I can probably do this myself. How hard can it be :)?

Turns out, NOT THAT HARD AT ALL!! The hardest part is finding henna paste. At first I thought I'd have to order it online, but actually found it in a Bangladesh-ian store. I bought henna paste, as opposed to henna powder, because it's already made for you and much easier than getting it right. Since I am a total rookie at this, I thought I'd go all out and spend the extra $1 for the paste. Did I mention that you can get a significant amount of henna paste for FOUR DOLLARS!? Yes. Four dollars, some creativity and approximately 20 minutes gets you exactly what you'd spend $25-30 on for a "professional" tattoo.

With respect to the season of Lent, I decided to add this to my wrist - a daily reminder of Who I am striving to live for (which, incidentally, is not myself, though that is what happens all-too-often):

Now this being my first time and all, you can still see the ink marks I used as a guide. And, a few days later it is already quite faded, so I'll have to reapply the henna. The longer you leave it on, the longer it lasts. As I was experimenting I didn't leave it on long enough. More practice :).

A few things about henna tattoos - be careful - not all products are safe. I did a bit of net research, and you can get some serious chemical burns from "fake" henna. Which really defeats the purpose of using a "natural" product. Also, keeping it in the fridge makes the paste consistency easier to apply. Beware of dirt clumps in the applicator tube - it took me a while to get mine completely clear - but after that, it was super easy to apply. And really really mess free. Note to self - don't wear long sleeves while applying henna to your wrist. It's really annoying and you can wreck a really nice shirt!!!

During this Lenten season, this will be the only henna tattoo I will wear.
After that, I'll experiment a little bit more.
Should be fun :)!

Living again

As with most folks around here, we contended with the flu this past week.
I can't complain. Though we each always get our seasonal colds, our kids have not had the flu very often. It was our turn, and it hit with a vengeance!

It's tough being a grown up :) - caring for little ones while you are not well yourself. Energy runs desperately short, discouragement creeps up and all you want to do is crawl under the covers until it all goes away!

Each kiddo got a cozy corner of a couch, and slept off their illnesses by the light of the christmas tree. We listened to A LOT of Adventures in Odyssey :) and watched a lot of home videos. At nighttime, Jon moved a mattress into the living room to listen for them if they got sick, while I tended to the littlest one in our room. She wasn't sick, but she wasn't sleeping well at night either! Somehow 5 days have passed and I think we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!

This morning, however, I felt better. The first thought that came to mind when I realized my body no longer ached (like even underneath-your-fingernails type aching!!) and that I no longer groaned every time I moved :) --- this is what it feels to LIVE again. It takes going down for the count, even something as simple as the flu, to remind me how good it feels just to breathe and move without so much effort and think more clearly and all the other essentials of life that I so quickly take for granted.

This morning, I felt joy as we moved through our morning routine. Deep gratitude. I longed to throw open the windows for fresh air. (However I figured that Jon would assure me that with the cold temps and snow falling outside it would likely be a waste of heat energy!!) I have settled, instead for washing every blanket, towel, set of pjs, pillows and cases and couch cover that I could find. Everything goes through the laundry and hopefully that fresh-home smell will soon re-emerge. (Maybe plugging in the glade air freshener would help too!)

In some ways, it reminds me of when I discovered grace for the first time. Not just knowledge of God, but life WITH God. Ah, my heart said, this is what it feels like to LIVE. I felt joy. I longed to throw open the windows of my heart and soul and let His fresh Spirit clean house. It took a while to get all the messes cleaned up (we're still working on several!!), but it felt so ... good. Still does.

For all of you who find yourself contending with the flues of the season, we pray for a speedy recovery. May you find His grace, and a breath of fresh air, in the midst of the battle.

The Work We Do...

These days, there are plenty of moments absorbed by the simple, mundane household chores of life. There's always a stack of dishes to wash, an extra load of laundry to do or a basket of toys to put away. I've had much opportunity to reflect on the value, and definition, of the work we do.


The writer of Ecclesiastes reminds us, "A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? .... That everyone may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all his toil - this is the gift of God." 2:24, 25, 3:13.


I've had the privilege of enjoying almost every job I've ever had, as well as each employer I have worked for. In high school I worked at the typical diner, but at least I worked with friends and that made the time fly by. I've worked as a travel agent, live-in nanny, camp counselor, education assistant, maintenance gal (some day I will share about the battle of identity over "Paint Girl"!), head custodian, housing director, conference coordinator and an assistant for students. As I grew in awareness and understanding, God provided the sense of "this is where I need to be" - even if I didn't always like the tasks (and there were DEFINITELY tasks I didn't like). Even if the days sometimes felt long. And unproductive. Even then, work held meaning for me, and therefore a sense of satisfaction at the end of the day.


I've been a SAHM for 5 years now. This past year was the best yet (maybe they'll just keep getting better and better :P?). I feel like I've found my groove around here and I'm really enjoying it. I don't always enjoy the endless chores, but even that provides an outlet for energy, a sense of rhythm to the week. And it's definitely not because things are always easy. They aren't. It's a struggle to grow and learn and love sometimes.


I am beginning to view work in a much broader sense. Waiting can be very hard work. Battling with impatience, anxiety, confusion, despair - these are only a few of the things we need to contend with when we find ourselves waiting. Listening is very important work - for how can we truly know and hear and understand if we aren't practicing the discipline of paying attention? Loving can be very challenging. Sometimes people (and our selves) are "easy" to love, but when relational friction enters the scene and we're having to choose care-filled words when we want to yell, apologies even when we don't feel like we were "all wrong", or a servant attitude when we want to be bossy :), loving can be very much work indeed.


In fact, I'm starting to wonder if the only important work we can do is love. All other tasks and actions, whether they are mundane or notable, stem from our commitment to love. Sometimes it is easy to love. Other times it requires far more intentionality. But isn't that what scripture talks about? 

²⁶ “What is written in the Law?” he [Jesus] replied. “How do you read it?”

 ²⁷ He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’^[a]; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b]”

   ²⁸ “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

Luke 10:26-28

The more I see the routine chores as an act of love, the more I am willing to do them. The more I view talking with my neighbor, opening my home to guests, ministering my family, connecting with my friends as an act of loving hospitality, the more joyfully I will serve. The more I smile at the store clerk, thank the people that work for services that I enjoy, acknowledge those on the fringe, the more gratefully I will live. The more I love, the more I experience God's precious gift, and the more satisfaction I will find in my work. Even the dishes, laundry and tough stuff of life.