HOME: Some assembly required!

This spring, I've been noticing the robins as they've been gathering "stuff" to make a nest. Not sure why, because I've never really taken note of it before. But for some reason, this time around, it has caught my eye. The other day, on our stroll to the park, we noticed two birds "fighting" over the same sprig of something-or-other. We chuckled as they flitted at each other like two preschoolers competing for the same toy. Perhaps it was a particularly fluffy sprig. Or, perhaps, one bird's "condo" was in a nicer location and there was some competition goin' on. Who knows. It sure was cute though!

As I was arranging pots and flowers and envisioning gardens outside during a brief period of sunshine ;), I reflected on how it takes effort and intentionality to make a house --- a home. A place that is warm, inviting, comfortable. Safe. A place of laughter and a sense of "we're-in-this-thing-called-life-together." A place where it is "okay" to be characters in formation. 

No place has shaped me like my home has.

Some days (and weeks) go by, and I realize that my intentionality has slipped up a little. Perhaps it started through fatigue or that funk that accompanies a really "good" bad cold ;). Or it began when life got a little too full or that balance between yes-and-no was off. Then frustrations and tensions run a little higher, focus is skewed, and it all feels a little .... scrambly. I don't do well with scrambly :). 

And it suddenly dawns on me that I need to step back, re-evaluate what fits (and what doesn't) and how I'm going to respond to those usual triggers of frustration and discouragement rather than simply react to them.

This past week, I've been poking away at spring cleaning. (I finally tossed these outdated spices, bought who knows when!!, and was actually tempted to take a pic and post it just as proof that every once in a while, the spice cabinet is actually accessible!!) As I've organized and sorted, tossed and relocated ;P,  I've been mentally and emotionally sorting out what fits for our family. And it has been challenging, but good.

I find my contentment is most tested not by what I "have" (or don't have, because really most of our furniture is already-been-loved, and we just got a "new" table that is 35+ years old --- but is still in really great condition AND it can seat TWELVE people if we want to! Can't wait to use that space -- ahem, with guests, not by increasing the size of our family!) but by what I want to "get done." Not just chores, because somehow, those usually find a way of getting crossed of the list. But phone calls I have not made, books I have not read, space I have not created, friends I have not connected with, projects I have not finished.

I ask myself silly questions like -
"Leah, why on EARTH do you sign out 10 books when you KNOW that you will not be able to read them all?"
or "Why do you google YET MORE crochet patterns, knowing that you will not even tackle all the ones you've already been longing to try ;)?"
or "Why do you even attempt blogging when you think of all sorts of things to write but only ever get around to typing out a handful?"

Because I love books, and though I may never read them all, you'll never know what'll stand out and speak into your soul.
Because I love to crochet. And you never know what kind of pattern will jump out as a potential gift. I can't WAIT to post the most adorable project I've got on the go. If I ever finish it ;).
Because I love to write. I'm not a great writer, or particularly insightful or witty. I just enjoy writing. It's a hobby. It helps me figure out what fits, what doesn't. It helps me sort out life.

When I take a deep breath, and recognize the silly things that threaten to overwhelm me for what they are, I am far more attentive to creating a home that reflects who we are, whom we are becoming and, hopefully, most importantly, the One whom we want to honor. I am more available to respond to my children where they are at (instead of forcing an agenda or expectations) and am more attentive to my husband and the things he needs to hear from me too. I am more in tune with my own self, and take time to cultivate the essentials right now.

Not so long ago, I came across this quote that immediately made it my "fridge wall of inspiration" :). Every so often I actually LOOK at it, and it reminds me of the things my heart is learning right now! I tend to forget pretty quickly ;). This is one that speaks to me over and over and over...
"Practice is a patient, relaxed process of finding out what works and what doesn't... Either life is practice, or it is performance... it is surprise vs. control.... "professionalism" vs. amateur.... spontaneous vs. hesitant. None of us can be perfect. But everyone can be free. Which will you choose?" Mike Mason, Practicing the Presence of People.


As we practice life together, we refine each other (and there is a lot of refining work goin' on!!!!). We learn more about how to live life because of the One who has given life - His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. We practice, we fall down, we take a deep breath and say sorry and get back up again.

Perhaps I've noticed the nesting birds this spring because it resonates with the recognition that we too are a people under construction. As we build and shape and form, may the home we create be a haven for those in it and those welcome in it, as well as a testimony of grace to the One who offers it abundantly.

Tell Me The Story Of Jesus...

This fall, I've had the remarkable privilege of hanging out with a great bunch of kids every Sunday morning. The teach me every week - and every so often, I get to teach too!!


This December, I had the privilege of sharing the christmas story with them. It's a story they've heard over and over, and after sharing the story we had a "birthday party for Baby Jesus," complete with party games, music and snacks. WHAT FUN!


I remember when this story first began to change my heart. I was 18 1/2. It was January 2, 1998. I was moving through life, not with the greatest of ease. In fact, life felt very very complicated. It was on this particular morning that I was driving to work in a nearby community. I was running late (some things never change!!) and in attempt to make up for lost time,  I decided to take a "short cut" through the country. I misjudged a snow pile on the road and ended up very very very stuck. Like all-4-wheels-are-off-the-ground, I'm-not-getting-out-of-this-by-myself, gotta-go-get-dad STUCK!


Sigh. So much for making up for lost time!!


As I sat behind the steering wheel (SERIOUSLY NOT AT ALL DRESSED FOR THE -30 TEMPS EITHER!!), I remember "praying." Venting. Demanding. Hoping that God would get me out of this scrape. I didn't want the inconvenience. Not at all pretty!! And for the first time ever, I experienced the silence of heaven. This is less about not getting the "prayer answer" I was hoping for, and more about the fact that I was using communication with God as a means to an end (an easy life) rather than a means to a relationship. And He was not about to be manipulated.


If you've ever had an argument with someone, and did all of the yelling, screaming, swearing :), venting, complaining, pouting, demanding, manipulating --- and then that person was completely silent in return --- you'll have an idea of how this felt. Completely unnerving. I did not have the capacity to process the beginning of this awareness at this time, nor did I have any idea what changes had begun in my heart. I just knew that something had happened and a change had begun. Grace was a glimmer on the horizon and that would begin to alter the course of my life forever.

As I was preparing my Sunday School lesson at the beginning of December, the words from this hymn kept running through my mind...

Tell me the story of Jesus,
Write on my heart every word.
Tell me the story most precious,
Sweetest that ever was heard.
Tell how the angels in chorus,
Sang as they welcomed His birth.
“Glory to God in the highest!
Peace and good tidings to earth.”

Refrain

Tell me the story of Jesus,
Write on my heart every word.
Tell me the story most precious,
Sweetest that ever was heard.

The story of extravagant grace. 

Of limitless love. 

Of truth and justice and a God who loves us enough to say what needs to be said ...

... or let silence speak for itself.

As I finish this post, the kids are now awake and zooming around the house! Wee one is getting a ride in a walker, Sweet K is rubbing the sleepies out of her eyes and Little M is keeping us all entertained! We're getting ready to celebrate christmas as a family, opening gifts, eating snacks and in our own way, having a "baby Jesus birthday party." The snow is falling outside and I've already received the gift of quiet, uninterrupted time to "just be" this morning before anyone else was up (a very RARE treat!!). 

It is good.

Today, as you move about your own festivities, may you too be singing the words, "tell me the story of Jesus...."

Merry Christmas!

Let Heaven and Nature Sing

Snow or no snow :), we've already started decorating for Christmas around here!! The tree will wait until the weekend, but there are evergreen garlands and lights, and little festive, shiny, sparkly bits of fun everywhere!

I was inspired the other day while standing by my dryer, folding yet another load of laundry. A prayer phrase began to stir in my heart. In the past few months, as life has adjusted to the presence of a newborn, and time alone is scarce indeed, the chore task of laundry has often become a place of prayer. It's not for long periods of time, but particularly when there are 5+ loads to sort and fold and wash and dry, I can find myself standing there for a length of time!

As the refrain, let heaven and nature sing!! settled into my mind, I reflected on the simplicity and beauty of these words. 

Too often I feel like I'm scrambling through the day...  

trying to teach the littles all the things I think they'll need to know... 

or attempting to finish at least one chore before starting another (somehow, there are always dishes and seldom a fully tidy counter!!!)... 

or striving to live a life worthy of the calling I have received (Eph. 4:1).

Not often enough these days, do I find myself just resting in the greatness of God.

“‘Holy, holy, holy

   is the Lord God Almighty,’

   who was, 

and is, 

and is to come.”

Revelation 4:8b

 I felt like this was a fitting focus for Advent. For those precious moments when I can slip away, alone, to rest in the One who came to make a way and will come again to make all things right. 

We are invited to revel in His JOY, 

to participate in His revelation of love, 

and to bear witness to His splendor and majesty that is worthy of all adoration and praise.

I need a lot of visual reminders these days :). I easily forget and lose my focus. I found this delightful picture, added the words that center my heart, printed it off and framed it so that I can be drawn back into this reality each time I see the photo that is perched on my windowsill.

The inspiration to decorate for Christmas came at the perfect time. Little M had only ONE DAY of school last week, and so the fun process of unpacking trinkets, checking lights and vacuuming up alllll the bits of tinsel that found their way around the house lasted for a few days. What FUN we had! We listened to the first round of Christmas music, dimmed the lights for the full, mini-light effect and tried to light candles that were cheap and not very effective ;). (Note to self, you'll need to pick up more tea lights!)

“Great and marvelous are your deeds, 

   Lord God Almighty. 

Just and true are your ways, 

   King of the nations. 

Who will not fear you, Lord, 

   and bring glory to your name? 

For you alone are holy. 

All nations will come 

   and worship before you, 

for your righteous acts have been revealed."

Revelation 15:3b-4

Let heaven and nature sing!

ps - Thought I LOVE snow, I am thankful that it has not yet officially arrived. These weeks, we travel to school 1-3 times per week, and the morning and afternoon walks are SPECTACULAR!!

Life Song

The Prologue...
We are at 38+ weeks and countin' the days! In just a few short days/weeks/hours??? :), this little one will begin to walk out their life story. We'll turn the page and begin Chapter One. What kind of adventures will he/she have? What kinds of choices will he/she make? Falls and failures, victories and conquests? Love? Heartaches? Joy? Abundant  Life?

What kind of life song will he/she create?


It is unbelievably thrilling and terrifying at the same time!!!


As I worked toward my undergrad degree, a wise professor always encouraged us students to read the prologue and forward of the books we were studying. It is there that we get a glimpse of the passion of the author, an introduction of what to look forward to, what to prepare our learning eyes and ears for. Wise advice. I've picked up this habit and have been remarkably surprised at the information one can glean from the prologue.

This season of expectation has written that prologue. As we have waited and wondered, wrestled and worshipped, the experiences have not only continued to shape my view of life and parenthood, but also given me a glimpse of the Eternal Author.

And it is a good time to stop and remember. One stress-filled day, when life was rapidly falling apart and I held a tiny, sweet K in my arms, I vividly recall panicking about her life story. What challenges and difficulties would she experience? It all felt so uncertain.
In the midst of the fog and fear, I felt the reassurance of One who walks with us in all these things.

You cannot create her story for her. To do so would deprive her of the dignity that I have given, rob her of the chance to live and love. It is an honor and privilege to be so intimately involved in someone's life story, but it is not yours to write.
As parents, we are called to train, influence, teach, nurture, mold, protect these little people for the time that we are given. An ultimate act (and test!!!) of responsibility!! Yet we are not to control, dominate, or direct their life story.

As the prologue here blends into Chapter One (and I wonder what THAT title will be!!! The Arrival.... might be a good place to start ;)...) it is with healthy anticipation and some reasonable fear and trembling that we turn this page!!

...the Epilogue...

This spring, death visited our family. Some individuals had lived out many many days and were ready to go Home. For others, it seemed life was over before it had even begun. As I witnessed the emotions and reactions to these events, one thing I began to reflect on was the power of Legacy. What kind of life story am I leaving behind?

You do not have to live a long, full life in order to impact the lives of those you love (and who love you). Ask any woman who has miscarried, and she will tell you the date, time, location, of when she had to say goodbye before she was ready; how her life was forever imprinted by someone she never had the honor of meeting.

The way we touch the hearts of those around us is what gives meaning to life, purpose in pain, strength and joy for the journey.


It was around this time that I had an interesting challenge through my bible study one morning. The invitation was to reflect on the previous week and start making notes on the ways I perceived the ways in which I have influenced others. Oi. Veh. Well, these days, thinking back over a week is a bit of a stretch :) so I limited myself to the past few days. I made a list of all the interactions I'd had. I noted themes of the conversations, and the ways in which each of us seemed to influence each other. Whoa!! What an eye-opener!! It was overwhelming in some ways ---

It reminded me of Proverbs 25:11...

A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

What kind of influence am I passing on? What kind of legacy will I create?

I think these are tough, but essential, questions to ponder as I interact with my sweet family, my loved ones, my friends and my neighbors.

... and all the days in between!!

These past weeks have been good. Well, they've had their share of hiccups :) --- I seem to be battling through another season of "confused parenting" :), intense fatigue as one week I averaged 3-4 hours of sleep per night (and not in a row either --- which is NOT ENOUGH when I'm not pregnant, and CERTAINLY not enough when I am 8 months along!!!), and I'm having to face some issues I have with, ahem, control :) and so on --- but I've started out my days with a new plea, a new prayer...
"LORD please provide the integrity today for me to live well, to love well."


Integrity - the quality of character you possess when no one is looking.


Funny.
It's in the little things that matter.... and the big things that don't.
It's in the battles you choose to fight... and the ones you choose to set aside for better timing.
It's in the acceptance, the gratitude, in taking the time to laugh.
It's not stressing about what gets done or not, but tackling things one thing at a time and keeping it in perspective.
It's gardening without gloves in spite of the presence of worms (eeeeewww!)...
It's setting aside time to listen ... and participating in that that vulnerability by sharing secrets of your own.
It's in gathering the flowers to enjoy inside every day, planting a garden just to watch it grow.
About reasonable expectations --- and anticipating good things --- and letting go.
It's admitting when I've failed. (Unfortunately, I have a lot of opportunity to practice that one ;P...)

This simple prayer has profoundly impacted my perspective. I am grateful. For I have much to learn.

May the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

~ Casting Crowns ~

My cup overflows....

How did you celebrate the mother(s) in your life today :)?

Today was a huge gift, all the way around....
 - I got to start my day all to myself, with 90 minutes of solid solitude time...
 - ... after which, Little M came and snuggled with me in my chair, cozy under afgans, patiently watching me journal and learn at the feet of Jesus...
 - We enjoyed a leisurely morning. No Sunday school for us, so we lingered and laughed as we prepared to meet with other worshippers this morning.
 - Little M had made me a Mothers Day picture at preschool. I had specific instructions NOT to look at it all week, and she took great care and precaution in hiding it in her closet until "the big day." This morning, after tickling her daddy's feet to wake him up for the day (a weekend ritual around here :P), with much fanfare, I finally got to see this beautiful picture. It is now on "the wall." :)
 - I got a card that made me laugh and laugh. It is a talking card, and it starts off with "YOU are the QUEEN!" It is soooo cute and we listened to it several times in a row!
 - I got coated in kisses and hugs, hand-printed with sticky oatmeal fingers, felt a baby move within, felt loved, enjoyed and appreciated.
 - I got to share church with fellow believers, with a husband and kids who believe the same as I do...
 - I got to laugh with family members, slip in a quick nap, make a perfectly delicious salad only to forget the delicious salad at home ;P instead of bringing it to a gathering, and play with nephews.
 - I got to enjoy the sunshine, wear flip-flops, and admire the pedicure I got yesterday :).
 - I got to talk with people I hadn't really spoken with before. We might even get together for coffee. How neat is that!
 - I only had to get up twice last night, rather than every 45-60 minutes, which has been the pattern this week. The fatigue is really getting to me, but by God's grace, it is manageable!!!

Today was Mothers Day. Filled to the brim with gratitudes and grace.
And tomorrow is Monday ;). Full of opportunities to practice gratitude and grace :).

Work

Sometimes (all the time? any time? every time :)?) I think the most important work we can engage in is not 

loving...

parenting...

creating...

giving...

doing...

it is simply discovering God in the moment

you find yourself in.

Sometimes it's hard

because there is so much that 

clamors 

for attention.

Demands.

Responsibilities.

Fears.

Insecurities.

Uncertainties.

Noise.

Entertainment.
Guilt.
Shame.

"Be still, and know that I am God;

       I will be exalted among the nations,

       I will be exalted in the earth."

Psalm 46:10

This is the work of worship.

And it is beautiful.

Image link

Gratitude - Beauty

I've been longing to do a gratitudes post for a while. These holiday weeks, not only have we functioned on far less sleep and a far fuller calendar, but I'VE HAD TO SHARE MY COMPUTER TIME TOO!!! Sheesh! What next :)? With J around, needing the computer every quiet moment we've had around here, my access to the world wide web has been very .... limited :P. But gratitudes have been stirring in my heart none the less. Today I am thankful for a few of the things that I find beautiful. They leave me speechless, transfixed, nurtured and healed in some way.

1. Laugh lines crinkles :).  Especially ones that are featured on the face of someone who is laughing hysterically along with me. Someone who knows me as well, or even better, than I know myself because they have stayed the journey with me. Someone who can laugh and cry with me at the same time - and eat a lot of popcorn with me too :P.

2. The joy of music. I have always loved music. Music with words that say what I'm feeling far better than I ever could. Tunes that tell a story. Songs that convey emotion without uttering a single syllable. These days, I have a few songs on "repeat." They connect me with a deeper sense of abundant life.

As I'm Waiting...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3b2jw1rjBc

Only Grace...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9ArVuqm324

You just can't listen to this one quietly at all!!! - I've Got A Feelin...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aSbKvm_mKA&feature=fvw

3. Snow. It is miserably cold. It takes FOR-EV-ER to bundle up the babes, load up the van, fasten the safety belts, just to drive a few blocks to avoid the -40 wind chill. Even my pooch hates going out in weather like this. But it sparkles. And it is soft. And cozy. And when it snows those big fat flakes, I'm stuck in a snow globe all my own. And I love it. To me (from the security of my cozy home :P) it is magic!

4. Home-grown moments. To start our Monday off just right, I played this video for the girls because it is fun and because it brings tears to my eyes every time ;). Love is worth celebrating, right :)? Little M is completely enthralled by all things "marriage" related right now. As we showed J when he got home from work, jumping up and down, she squealed with delight - "Look daddy!! He's marrying her RIGHT NOW!!! He's MARRYING HER. He's M.A.R.R.Y.I.N.G. HER!!" She is so excited to see the bride dancing down the aisle. At J's suggestion, we got out MY wedding dress and showed the girls. It was such a special moment. Especially when each girl got a chance to wear my veil and prance around the house like a princess. It was breath-taking. And I wanted to stop the clock. Because, I'll close my eyes (and after nights like we've had, it wouldn't surprise me if I actually slept years and years and years :P...) and wake up, and it'll be their turn, and time will have gone far too fast.

5. Solitude. There is nothing simpler, grounding, clarifying than sitting quietly, alone. This morning I had a whole glorious hour (the last one by the light of my christmas tree, which was taken down today - BOO!) to ponder faith and life and love. It was spectacular! Also, as is usual, it ends with Little M wandering out of her room, all sleepy eyed and adorable, looking for a warm place to snuggle and wake up to the world. It is good.

And there is more. Usually I am for 10. But I'm tired and don't want to be legalistic about it ;).
I am thankful for beauty and that's that :P!!

Vision 2010

Ahhhh. It's January. It's gently snowing outside, I am enjoying a hot cup of peach tea, and I can feel the last of the lingering tensions from the hectic holiday pace simply melt away. Life is good.

Periodically throughout the year, I stop, reflect and take stock of where I've been going and where I feel things are headed. Typically, this happens after busy seasons. Summer. December. Even after April, when I was working full time and going to school part time and the end of the semester was a full time. This fall I read a really good novel, Becoming Olivia, and I loved how the main character journeyed through her process of life-discovery, the often-turbulent pathway of finding out who you are, what you believe and who you are meant to be. The process of becoming. These little "time outs" for me are a way of evaluating - Who am I becoming? What is life becoming? Am I okay with all this :)? What needs.... tweaking :P?

This year, I used the same resource I stumbled on last year through a blog I visit occasionally. For me, Vision 2010 helps to sort through some of the thoughts, ambitions, strengths and weaknesses and focus a little more on where I want to go. I love that it is more well-rounded, challenging several areas of life, not just the typical "new years resolutions" categories :). I don't feel the need to fill in "all the blanks" - sheesh, this isn't some crazy home work assignment :P - but jot things down for the prompts that stand out to me. Each month or two I revisit these ramblings and evaluate what is working, what is not, and what I've completely and utterly neglected (or procrastinated :P).

Here are a few aspirations I have for the coming year....

1. Haven Days :). This fall, the activities on the calendar seemed to outgrow the number of spaces available.  I kept thinking, "It'll slow down. It's just this week. We can do it." But it didn't slow down. And though we could "do it," we weren't always "happy about it" :). And suddenly I didn't have as much time (or energy) for the things that matter. Towards the end of the Christmas break, I realized that I would need to make an intentional change about this. A slowed down (reasonably sanely paced) life is not just going to "happen." It requires intentionality. And so, with some careful thought, I decided to set aside Mondays as "Haven Days." Unless medical appointments require it, those days are our days at home. To recover from the weekend. To get our bearings straight for the week to come. To nest and snuggle together with stories and linger in our jammies and not have to "be" anywhere for anyone. At first glance this simply requires some strategic planning (do not plan things on Mondays!) and an active use of the little word "NO." :) However, it has also required me to give up meeting with a moms group that I have attended for four years! Which I've really enjoyed. Which I've been involved with in a leadership aspect until this fall. Which my kids also really enjoy. As much as I knew I'd miss it, I knew in my heart it was the right decision for where we're at right now. With only five months remaining in this pregnancy, with life changing dramatically once again, with two morning commitments per week for Little M AND at least 5-6 development appointments alone per month with Sweet K, I needed to put time with them first. I am so excited about this. I love to start my mornings quietly whenever possible. Starting my week off the same way fits just about right :).

2. Finishing projects. Not every project that I've ever started (Some are best left alone. Trust me.). But a number of projects that I've started this past year but have yet to complete. I am a procrastinator. I am also the type of person that gets a kick out of starting something, but ack, when it comes to final completions, that pile is a lot smaller :). Since we have the arrival of a wee one on the horizon, there is some ... extra ... motivation for me to get a few things done before the end (or mid!!) of May. Like a few corners that still need paint from the Great Paint Project that consumed several weeks this summer. Or like Sweet K's baby memory album. Or a few final touches I have for around the house. In order to get some of these finished, I FULLY intend on asking my dear mom to come over and watch the kids while I paint out a closet or two, finish the banisters and perhaps tackle some moldings. We'll see how far I get!! Oh yeah. And the fronts of doors :). The baby won't care - but I'll know that I won't have to tackle THAT chore again for years, and some how, in the midst of sleep deprivation and serious transition, I know that will feel good!!

3. Capturing moments. Since Little M became more camera-shy (read I WILL NOT WILLINGLY POSE FOR ANY PICTURE, EVEN IF MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!!) I have been less apt to engage my inner shutter-bug. I don't take great pictures. At all. But I like taking them. And I love looking through them. And someday, some of them may even wind up in a scrapbook (ahem, according to #2, I have to FINISH A FEW THINGS before I BEGIN ANOTHER GREAT IDEA!!!). Lately, Little M has allowed me to take her photo, and Sweet K is moving pretty fast (and growing fast too - somehow managed to jump a whole clothing size in 2 months!! Time to clean out the closet AGAIN!!). So, my goals for this year include taking out the camera. Using it. A lot.

4. Live well. Love well. Created to worship the God of the Universe, I long to live this out in a way that glorifies Him. How can I live my life so that I am making the most of every breath He has gifted? How can I love so that He is honored? I don't always live like I should. Too distracted. Too undisciplined. Too self-absorbed. And I definitely don't always love like I should. Too bossy. Too opinionated. Too much with my own personal agenda. There are a few clear steps I want to take with this. Many that feel unclear right now, but I know, over time, will move from mirage to motion. I am ready to embrace and wrestle with the learning.

That's it. In a nutshell :).
Here's to a new month, a new year and a new decade!!
Cheers!!!

Yuletide confessions...

I am allll about feeling ... cozy :). Some people gravitate towards beauty, others toward romance, and still others seek out heat and sunshine ----- I am thrilled with a cup of something steamy, twinkling lights, flurries, a soft turtleneck sweater and all things snug and comfy. Really. All this does my soul good.

I love the way fall colors blend into the first snow fall, when I get to reorganize my closet and whip out all my favorite sweaters and the old stand by pair of cords. This fall I had the thrill of unpacking my maternity clothes at the same time, delighting in finding the shirt I wore when Sweet K made her arrival and reveling in a few new-to-me items :). Good times!

However, this season brings with it some angst as well. A few confessions :)....

1. I don't really like christmas baking. Let me rephrase that. I don't like MAKING christmas baking. I really ENJOY eating it (especially when other people have put it together!!!). SO this year, I have abandoned the pressure-filled tradition of cookin' up something tasty and pretty. I might make a few favorite cookies, the kind that go over really well and I'm not tossing out the dried out ones at the end of the week :). But no major baking spree for me this christmas. I have decided to save this tradition for when it is meaningful for the kids as well. Then we can all decorate tasty treats together and craft our memories in fun!!

2. Christmas shopping stresses me out!!
- It is not because I don't enjoy giving people gifts. Because I do.
- It is not because J&I are NOT early shoppers. We shop the 2nd week of December (though we have r.e.a.l.l.y. detailed lists well before that - does that count :P?), and definitely the 3rd week. (I find that other people freak out about my not-finished-christmas-shopping far sooner than I do!!!)
- Full malls do not intimidate me (it's the -40 windchill with kids combo that prompts me to stay home!!). In fact, I ENJOY the craziness (well, maybe not the long trek across the walmart parking lot!). You see the funniest people! (Well, they see me too, so I can say that!!).
- The thing that stresses me out most is the fear of disappointing people! Nothing worse (okay, maybe there are a few things worse!!) than searching your heart and scouring the malls (or your own creativity) for the perfect gift, only to see that it was not meaningful at all to the one you love. And let's face it, some people are just plain impossible to shop for!!!

3. I really really really r.e.a.l.l.y dislike the question, "Are you ready for Christmas?" I know it's just a good conversation starter, like the weather or the things that your kids are doin' that are drivin' you crazy, but it chafes at me like a pair of tight leather pants on a hot summer day (not that I've actually worn such, but just the thought makes me shudder :P).

Why? Why does this bother me so?

- It adds to the perception that life is a race. The first person with their tree up and shopping done, wins. Sigh. I know this is not the intention of the question, but it's the pressure I feel with these kinds of conversations. Silly, but true.
- It triggers that aforementioned issue I have with gift-giving :P. And an ongoing issue I have with procrastination :)!!
- But mostly, because it's such a casual conversation that resonates deep meanings in my heart. This advent season I've been reflecting on material provided through our church conference. At first I was skeptical - would these short devotions be relevant (or understandable!!) for me at this season in my life? But they have spoken deeply to me. In the ambient light of the christmas tree, reflecting over coffee, journal and bible, I am challenged beyond the nativity story. I am called to examine again and celebrate with thanksgiving the freedom I've experienced because of my Savior (which has not been an easy journey). Increasingly, my attention has been drawn to the return of the King and the kingdom of justice, mercy and love He is beginning now and will establish in entirety at some point in history. And I am forced to ask myself questions - am I using the talents and time He has given for His glory? Am I truly surrendered to participating in serving Him, rather than getting lost in the distractions of life? In what ways am I contributing to injustice without even thinking of it? And more. So much more. I love the story of Advent - the liberty that came and the liberty to come! And I am challenged into self-examine, with no guarantee of what I will find and wrestle with.

Am I ready for Christmas? Go ahead - ask. I dare you :). I will smirk because it is a sticky question for me. Yes - I have lights up, garlands in place, I have lists like you wouldn't believe, some presents bought that I am TOTALLY PSYCHED about giving :) (others, I hope, that will do just fine!!) and I am on a christmas-baking strike, so that's one other thing off the list!! But am I ready for Christ's return? Yes and no. I cannot imagine that moment when I get to thank Him face to face for all he has done. Gives me chills just thinking of it. But no - there is much more person for me to become and much more that I hope to do in gratitude before that moment arrives.

Simply nesting .... nesting simply....

It has felt like chaos around here.
The month of November has flown by.

Yesterday was a day all it's own.

Preschool drop-off
Development appointment #1 - meet and greet new people who are a part of our development team
Development appointment #2 - goes well, but explore plans to integrate a new method of speech therapy
Preschool pick-up (which, I am happy report, I was actually NOT late for!!)
A trip to local grocer (these are always ... interesting!)
Lunch. Settle the feathers for a few minutes.
Baking. Guilt kicks in because I haven't let the girls "help" me bake in a while. So, everyone grabs a chair, scuttles up to the counter and we begin the dump and pour and mix process.
Nap - which was actually, delightfully uninterrupted.
Get moving again, sans caffeine, since any coffee or regular tea past 10 am makes me ill. This is rough :P.
Vacuum. Clean the house. Again.
Get supper ready. Again.
J staying late at work to meet with other kids' parents. This means a looonnnngg day.
Because we all had such successful naps, the girlies are bouncing around until 9:30pm.
I. Get. Tired.

Thankfully, not all days are like this. But in the midst of this chaos there is a growing desire for simplicity. Of speech. Of commitment. Of heart and soul and life. Fueled (of course) by a book I'm reading and rereading (Freedom of Simplicity - Richard Foster - um, fast becoming a favorite author!) and brief (somewhat traumatizing!!!) flashbacks to this time last year - the Great Birthday Party Mayhem :) - and the Trip to the Strip (sounds racy - really it was family time in VEGAS!!).

This year, I've set out Christmas decorations. Lots of lights (because I am highly addicted to colored mini lights!!), a few greeneries, a nativity scene and a few other pretty things.

But I kept it simple. No Better Homes 'N Gardens pressure for me this year :).

Tonight we get to have a family fun night. Pizza party followed by loud christmas tunes, a dance party, some chocolate treats AND the DECORATING of the CHRISTMAS TREE. Fun. But simple.

It is delightfully freeing to carve out the unnecessaries and embrace the simple, lovely, elegant.
A smile. A kind word.
And linger in the moment.

And speaking of moments, the kids are fighting and biting and a sense a monsoon growing from the tub.
Better run!!!!!