Baby steps and sweet victories!

Although I can't be certain, I am fairly sure that when we discovered that our Sweet K would have learning disabilities, one of the first things that flitzed through my mind I inwardly freaked out about was ....

POTTY TRAINING.
Groan.
oh boy.
nooooooooooooo.
SIGH.

Seems like a somewhat SILLY thing to worry about when your baby is teeny-tiny and precious and beautiful and doesn't sleep well at night :).
But for me, potty training has been one of those milestones that is.... well.... it's just not my favorite.
I had a sneaking suspicion that this time around, it was going to take a lot longer than I liked!!

Over the past 2 years, yes TWO YEARS, we've been working on this desirable skill around here. There had been some break throughs, yes, but a lot of setbacks, learning and tears (hers and mine!) along the way. So many days and prayers with "How are we EVER going to get this!???"

Well, timing is important to be sure. You can't ever force learning, and added pressure in this particular department is rather counter-productive!! Nothing like a little "stage fright" to prolong the issue.

Anyway.

After much prayer and hard work, in the past few weeks I've started to notice major improvements.
And I am doing the happy dance more than anyone else in this house!!

One of the blessings-in-disguise has been a far greater intuition regarding K's cues, needs, wants, preferences, etc. Especially when dealing with speech delays, cues are very important and easily overlooked. For example, most of the time when a little one has "success" on the potty, you cheer, you dance, you have a grand ole hoopla. NOT WITH K. If you react with any certain level of exuberance, you can guarantee a month before there'll be any more "successes." It seriously overwhelms her. Knowing her heart, it makes sense. Just takes some getting used to! That being said, you do offer subtle, g.e.n.t.l.e. encouragement. A simple high-five, a gummy bear and now a short Wiggles video seem to be the best reinforcement ever.

I clearly remember a difficult day in fall. With M settled into her school routine, K transitioned into school and life settling in a bit, I knew in my heart it was time to tackle this again. After hours and hours of trying and back-and-forth to the potty (if you've done this, you know the drill!!) I turned around to find an "accident" on the floor. As I mopped up the situation, I sobbed and sobbed. Frustration, discouragement and fear poured out of me and just about created a great big puddle of my own (ha, with tears, that is :P).

It was, however, a(nother) turning point for me. It is in these moments that I sometimes realize in these moments that I still battle with accepting things as they are.

With much joy in my heart, I see the step-by-incremental-step growth that is taking place, and my heart rejoices!

I'll share the "potty dance video" that we've been playing around here.
Oh the things you do for your kids, eh :)!????

Actually, I am so happy about this, it DOES make me feel like dancing!!!
And.... it's kinda catchy!

Curious to know - do you have any "learning challenges" in your family?
What are the blessings?
What are the challenges??

The day I closed the door in Jesus' face

It was in the weeks before Christmas.
It was suppertime. The time when many door-to-door folks like to make their visits!
I'd had a hard time wrangling up everyone for supper. And to think, we tend to eat later than the average folk, so you'd think that hunger would be a motivation!! Apparently not always ;P.
I was tired and frustrated, and when the door bell rang, I moaned. I groaned out loud!

WHAT NOW?? I thought.

The dog going crazy, the kids hootin' and hollarin', I slid off my chair and made my way to the front door. I opened it and sighed inwardly. Sales person. Great.

Did the look of annoyance show on my face?? I'm pretty sure it came close.
If not, I'm fairly confident the one hand on my hip gave it away.

"Ma'am, would you have any money to spare...." he began tentatively.
He started to show me something. A brochure maybe?? Not sure.
Turns out he was from Lighthouse Mission, goin' door to door asking for donations.
We just happened to be on his route that night.

I wasn't interested in anything in the brochures.

"Would you consider a smaller donation? Anything? Any amount helps." He tried again.
Helps to feed the homeless.
Helps to minister to the hurting.
Helps to spread God's love and mercy and grace through servant hands and feet.

In that nano-second, I thought of all the ways in which we "gave" recently.
We enjoy giving, we really do. And we appreciate participating in Operation Christmas Child, our church's Advent Challenge, as well as many other opportunities of the season.

However, in that moment, I didn't feel like going to get looking for my wallet.
I didn't feel like taking any more time from this particularly rowdy supper hour.
We had places we needed to be and kids fed and readied, and simply I "didn't have time for this."
I didn't want the inconvenience.
I just didn't feel like it.

How awful.

As I was closing the door, I noticed the man had brown eyes.
Jesus eyes.
Click went the door.
And a flicker went through my heart.

Hadn't I been praying for opportunities like this? 
Seeing Jesus in the every day life, responding {quickly} with a worship-filled heart?

I would love to say that I opened the door and ran after him, humbled heart in hand.
But I didn't.
I would love to say that I gave generously in that moment.
But I can't.
Nope.
I shut the door in Jesus' face.
Just. like. that.

How awful.

How many times have these simple gratitudes passed me by?
How many times have I been "too busy," "too lazy," "to apathetic" to stop and care?
It's not about the money; it's not about "giving."
It's about dignity and care and saying, "hey - we're on the same team, this serving the God we love, and I support what you are doing."
Here's a love offering, wrapped in prayer.

Sometimes Often I get caught up in the discouragement that I have not embraced this Christ-Lived-Example like I could; like I want to, like I need to. I miss opportunities. And I completely blow others. In the midst of this, I am trying to remember to pray for the grace to try again, to remember again, to love again.

I am so sorry, Man from the Lighthouse Mission.
I am ashamed of my response to you, to the passion it took for you to wander around on a cold December night, asking people to assist you in this ministry.
Please. Come back again.

When I bought our Sonlight curriculum, I got way more than I bargained for!

It's been a year and a half already, since that July night by the family-camp-out-fireside.
Heart pounding, giddy with delight - I scored an almost-complete Grade 1 Sonlight curriculum on ebay for $225 (if you check out their prices, you'll see that's a darn good deal!!!). With the help of my super-techy brother and his little internet-gadget phone (all of which is way beyond my realm of experience, since we ONLY have a pay-as-you-go, no-texting-allowed type of phone!!!), I snacked on marshmallows and mom's goodies while waiting to see if I was - da winner!! And I WAS!

Sheesh! I'm not much of a shopper, but the thrill of that anticipation could become trouble :).

When I cashed in on this set, I had no idea what was in store for us; how I was about to get way more than I bargained for! At the time, I only knew I was following the prompts of Jesus, and waiting for Jon to catch up with me in terms of direction :).

I could've never guessed how many gifts that year would hold, how challenging it would be; how much we would all learn and grow and stretch.

I learned even more about moving through decisions with your life-mate. It's tough, sometimes, navigating through choices, especially when you each process things so differently. It's a challenge to "know when to hold em, know when to fold em" ;). It requires intentionality to wait, to rest, to research, to share, to dream without the security of knowing those dreams will be filled. Tough yes, almost drove me cuckoo bananas yes, good yes. :)

I learned that it is sometimes hard to explain grade 1 math, even though I've been there and done that --- but it was a long time ago! And of the select things I can do relatively well, explaining myself is not always one of them!

"Mikayla's spelling test to see if her ears are working...
no Kezia's allowed" !!!

I also met many people with whom I would never have worked or worshipped alongside had we not walked this path. This has forever impacted my spiritual journey, and thank you will never be sufficient.

I learned that I love to continue to learning -- well, that I already knew -- but I love to learn alongside my kids! The new-found confidence and stage of life we were at encouraged me to include my kids even more in what I was already doing. Rather than feeling forced, it began to feel a little more natural and a lot more enjoyable. And now, I often have little helpers (when I slow long enough to let them!) and it's easier and less overwhelming and a bit more manageable. :).

Celebrating milestones and "nabrgse" (neighbors)!!

I also confirmed that I'm NOT so much a fan of "water experiments."
They are way to messy and make me grumpy!
I shudder at the thought. Give me play dough ANY day :).

We argued and squabbled. We made up and tried to start over ;).
We redeemed some days; others felt like a bit of a write-off.
We read a LOT, laughed a fair bit and learned life along the way.
Time was a lot more intentional in some ways, a lot more flexible in others.

A winter fun trip to Grandma's for a day of great food, cousins and snowmobiling!

And strange, even after 1/2 a year into this new-found rhythm of public-schooling, I still miss it.
M does too, and every once in a while she'll even admit it :).
She's having a grand time in grade 2, but every few weeks she tells me that she's only going to public school every other year so that she can home school in between. Riiiiiiiiggght!

We have 2 more years of full-time funding for K left, and then we'll re-evaluate.
Perhaps it will still be a burning desire.
Perhaps time and routine will have set in and our path won't change much.
Who knows.

Special craft dates once a week - complete with hot chocolate and marshmallows
on this particularly chilly winter day :)

In between, I try to make the most of the time we have together.

I recalled these verses from Ephesians 5 one afternoon this fall, while I was wrestling with all this and how to fit in family life and devotional times and a balance between rest and activity:

¹⁵ Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 
¹⁶ making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 
¹⁷ Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.

Our butterfly friend who decided to break forth from her cocoon
in February! This was her home until she perished several days later.
She was absolutely lovely!

Every so often there is a flashbulb of inspiration that somehow manages to clear even the fog of fatigue ;) that shows me how to walk this out in this season of our family life. The LORD graciously breaks things up into little pieces for me, knowing full well that I am weak and frail and if I get overwhelmed I shut everything out, including good ideas ;).

So yes, when we step out and follow the invitations of the LORD, there's no tellin' where it'll lead. Sometimes that load will seem light, other times you've never done anything harder in your life.
Either way, it's worth it!

Oh, by the way, if you are considering learning at home, give the Sonlight curriculum a second thought. Yes, it's quite expensive, but there are ways around that to some degree.

I really liked their outline; thought the "social studies" component was a bit heavy on the reading and not enough on activity for younger ones, so we rounded it out a bit with a few notebooking type activities. If you google notebooking, there's REAMS of stuff on the net.

Science was fascinating, but instead of dabbling in different themes at once, I reorganized it into modules. That worked MUCH better for us, and gave us the chance to include lapbooks, national geographic for kids resources, brain pop, etc. We worked through three major topics - world of animals,  human body (I found a lapbook online that helped piece it together) and space (I purchased a notebook for $4 that provided word puzzles, activities, a song about the planets etc. M loved it!). We read through See How It's Made, some water and magnet activities, etc. See, tons of variety!!

They include a spelling and early reading program, which was fine. I have nothing to compare it to, so I'm not sure how it stacks up against more popular methods (Hooked On Phonics, All About Reading for example).

We purchased our math books separately.

Oh, and one morning my mom asked M what she was learning about.
Of all things, of course she just happened to recall that women in the "olden days" didn't wear shirts!!!
The pictures in our books about early nomadic peoples indicated that they often didn't wear tops, not men or women :).
I guess at least something stuck!!!

Our eldest daughter is so much like me.

Sometimes it makes me giggly.

Other times I want to scream out loud. :)

Anyway, apparently we both have an appreciation for the white stuff!

After our quiet time one afternoon, I found this lovely declaration taped to our front window.

Loud and proud, I guess!!

We both like snow.

I personally prefer to enjoy it from the cozy confines of my house, with a hot cup of coffee in hand.

But, CAN be persuaded to enjoy sledding down the local hill (not that many around these parts!!), craft out a fort or go snow-mobiling. As long as it's not toooo cold!

So there you have it...

To: the World

Love: Mikayla

What message are you sharing with your world today :)?

A Love Like This

I cried last week.
Not all-out-weeping mind you, but tears of both hard reality mingled with thankfulness.

Last week was the last time I will visit my grandparents in their present home.

Over a year ago, they both required extra care in order to live as independently as possible. My mom, their passionate care giver and advocate, found the best care possible at the time, worked endlessly to make the move (which was significant) all come together. And, for the first time ever, I found myself living in the same community as my grandparents.

With our learn-at-home lifestyle last year, it was much easier to scoot over for a 1/2 hour visit every few weeks. I treasured these times, though it wasn't always easy!!, because I knew that they were limited.

My grandparents are in the minority - they are both aging (and forgetting!) things at the same time. Typically, one spouse goes through this process much sooner than the other, requiring the two, who've spent the majority of their lives together, to be forced to live apart. Even though it's hard to watch them forget, at least they are in it together!!

Grandma and Grandpa are still so affectionate with each other. Every one I talk to who has seen them comments on this. The trials and lessons of life have, over the years, brought them even closer. Both having been widowed early in life, they blended families, careers, interests and love for God and family. These days, they often sit side by side on the couch, holding hands, still enjoying each other's company. Their camaraderie is evident, even when the fog of hazy memory sets in.

The other side of this love story is my own mom, who has devoted much time and energy to their care. To anyone who finds themselves caring for aging loved ones, I pray for you. Yours is not an easy task. It hurts to remember when others forget; it can be painful to care for those who once cared for you.

And yet - you remember. You serve. You care.
And how often in our fast-paced world do we not care, not serve, not remember.

These are the examples I have before me, and I am thankful.

I came home from that last visit and called my mom. I am so thankful she took the time to care for my grandparents. They are now at a stage where they require even more care, and instead of separating them (which is the standard procedure is), she has advocated their situation once again and now they will move on to more supportive care together. This is "never done"because "it goes against policy." She didn't take "no" for an answer. How grateful I am.

Once the hub-bub of christmas life passes, we will go and visit them in their new space. I will continue to share the stories of our times together with them and my girls. They no longer remember, but I do. We will laugh. We will say "I love you."

And when we leave, their minds may forget that we've even been there, but their hearts won't.

Creating Quiet

It's been a while since I posted.
I could blame full days, sleep-lacking nights, trying to fit as much as I can into one day.

But, I don't think that's it.

I've created posts that are stuck in draft mode.
I've sat down to type, and experience the frustration of writers block. Ack!
I've mentally written as I move throughout the day, but none of it clicks.
Sigh.

Every so often, I think, you move into a place that words just aren't adequate for.
I'm in that place.
I can't say it's a bad place; stretching, often perplexing, a bit lot disorienting maybe.
But it'd not bad.

It's at times like these I wish I could take pictures.
Like GOOD ones :).
Using images instead of words for expression.
But alas, that is not my forte. :)

I often turn to music; allowing the prayer and poetry others have set down to bring clarity and focus when my own feels lacking.

And sometimes, I think, it's just quiet I crave.

Our world is so full of noise - internet chatter, media, little ones needing attention, the hum of the activities of life.
And there is internal clutter as well - not knowing what to finish next :) (I don't usually have a hard time starting something, it's finishing something that feels like such a challenge!). Wrestling. Waiting.

It's in the stillness, when we move beyond words, that we can hear what is going on behind this sound.

When I used to "work outside the home," I would sometimes come home after a full full day, and say when I walked in the door, "no one make a sound." Funny thing was, I was home before Jon, this was a day and age before puppy and kids :), and there WAS no one to make a sound :). I would walk as quietly as possible, leaving radio off, AND it was a day before we had internet at home (can you even imagine!???). And I would just soak in the silence until my ears stopped ringing and my heart felt settled again.

This fall as been about new adjustments, new routines, new anticipations.
It has also been about learning to listen again; and for me, that seems to be taking some time.


In the meantime, these are some of my favorite quiet sounds...
- the sound of the coffee maker finishing it's job
- the sound of snow falling
- a sick baby finally sleeping
- the delight of a whispered thank you
- the sound of a friend laughing
- the settled sigh of the only puppy I've ever loved :)
- an unexpected time of quiet to just be


I'm curious.
What images, words, songs, or lack of all the above is quieting for you ;)?

How can it be.....

Here I sit, drinking a cup of hot tea.
The leaves are almost blown completely off the trees.
Our temperatures feel already-too-chilly for this time of year.
We've had sleet and snow and power outages due to weather.

How can it be that only a week and a half ago, this is how I spent my Saturday morning....

cruising along under a warm September sun...

tired spirit lifted by the colors and friend-comaraderie... 

thankful for all I have; praying for a growing heart to give...

breathing... 

listening to young ones singing...

Hoping.

31 Riders - almost half were young ones
Amount raised - $7846.00 dollar-love for the CPC and RFR projects
Joining - 146 riders in total
Riding for - 16 various projects and ministries all fuelled by passion for hope and healing

Chaim. Life!