Friday, September 10, 2010

Bitter sweet

Across the street, the neighbors mature trees are about to burst forth into their spectacular fall foliage. In a few short weeks our own fall-gold ash will turn a brilliant shade of gold. Such a treat! In truth, my whole sun-soaked summer (which I do not want to waste a single minute of though!!) is spent in anticipation of this time of year.

This autumn, however, is bitter-sweet.

This morning Little M joined the ranks of millions of children across North America and headed off to kindergarten.
For the very. first. time.

All summer long my heart has begged time to slow a little.
Well, except for that dreadful week that we had to tackle tantrums, horrendous nights and ultimate sass-fests all in one delightful stretch of 7 days!! That week I was ready to resign and head to the hills for some PAQ!! 

I'm not ready for this.

As a SAHM, I feel like until now, I've had front row, centre stage privileges; watching the drama unfold as she grew, explored, played, fought, cried, laughed, learned. I've applauded with standing ovations, held my breath through the tense moments and cried a bit now and then too :) Now, however, I begin to share that remarkable saga with an audience full of other people. Teachers, friends, parents, and many others --- and suddenly I am no longer in the front row all the time (but maybe at least some of the time :P).

She's ready for the adventure of a lifetime. And I'm ready to embrace it alongside of her.

In preparation for the Big Day, we baked fresh buns together so that she could have them in her lunch kit (her request ;p). We painted toe nails, carefully selected outfits, labeled school supplies and laughed and teased and frolicked along the way. It was great. Often though I stood back, tears at the ready, trying to soak it all in.

Today I look around the quiet house in wonder.
Who will line up the plastic dinosaurs so that they can all see out the windows?
Who will talk my ears off :)?
Who will pull out ALL the toys before 9am!?
Who will stand up on the picnic table on the deck, pretending it's a stage, arms stretched wide open singing praises to Jesus? Certainly won't be me! Flimsy little table probably couldn't hold my weight anyway :)!!! Plus, I'm a bit reserved that way, unfortunately!!!

Sweet K and I are feeling a little lost, I think. We blink at each other a lot :). It's good, giving her my one-on-one attention when Wee One is down for her nap. And I feel more good great things on the horizon.

But today is the first day of change.
And it's bitter sweet.


Robin Fehr said...

Oh... I have tears in my eyes...
Tough mommy day!
M looks so great though! I love her backpack. She looks so grown up!

Roo said...

oh! sweet leah. you are a such a good mommy. i hear your heart. xo

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