Sunday, January 9, 2011

Put Your Head On My Shoulder

For some reason that I can only attribute to hormones, fatigue and post-partum funk, I had the (mistaken) notion when Little M was born that sleeping with your wee one was a bad thing. Like I had failed as a parent in getting them to take their first step towards independence or something like that. Because she was such a good night time sleeper, this wasn't really a huge issue, except that at some level I wrestled with this idea of what it meant to be a "successful" parent. And I still grieve the times I missed cozying up for a little nap together rather than insisting that she do things my way.

Five years into this journey, I am a little (and only a little ;P) wiser. I could not sleep with my kids in my bed all the time (it'd be a bit full with all three, Jon, myself and the pooch!!), but I have discovered the delight of snuggling in for a nap or even the occassional night with my little ones.

In the past month we've combatted the flu twice. Consequently we had out of the ordinary sleep arrangements so that we could quickly tend to sick kids and crying babies with minimal disruption.  Minimal disruption!? Whatever. There's always disruption with sick kids. We just needed to be quick with the barf bucket!! About two weeks ago, we found our sleep situation all scrambled up again, and this time Little M asked to sleep with me! Moi! She's been a daddy's girl from early on, but lately she's been showing more and more signs of (just maybe :P) needing her mama too!

She slept all night long with her head on my shoulder. I was a wee bit stiff in the morning, however I wouldn't have changed a thing. These days are few and far between and they won't last long. Just last night we were out and about, and Sweet K had had both a stress-filled and very long day. In the end, she curled up in my arms, her 3-year-old body relaxed, and she too fell into a cozy snooze. She got heavy after a while, but I didn't want to move. The time goes so fast.

Sometimes I too feel weary and sad, stressed or just in need of a snuggle. I long to curl up in a secure place and enjoy the sense of safety and comfort. Even though the world may be falling apart at the seams, there are still pockets of peace.

I'm learning to soak in all the snuggles I can. I still get caught up in my routines, my chores, my own preoccupations. However, slowly, I am learning to say yes to the out-of-the-ordinary arrangements and find myself caught up in extraordinary moments.

1 comment:

Roo said...

oh amen. i hear ya sister. am totally on the same page.


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