Wednesday, August 12, 2009

M.I.A. - SELF, where are youuuuu :)?

One of the oh-so-delightful side effects of sleep deprivation, I am finding, is that you lose ones sense of "self." This results in several blank stares (blink, blink blink), grinding mental gears and frustration over memory loss!
During this state of mental emergency ...
... if you were to ask me my preference, I'd likely answer (truthfully!!) "uhhhh, I dunno!"

... Or I may be so caught up in a daydream about climbing back under my very snuggly, soft, warm, cozy, splendid, feathery duvet (that took me forever and a day to find) and sleeping the rest of the week that I may forget to show up for something important.

... Or - sigh- I may just get down right grouchy :).

... Orrrrr, I may laugh and laugh and laugh at something that is not really funny at all. (That gets a little awkward in some social settings :P. Please forgive me if lately I've snickered when a sombre response is required!!!) Yesterday, as I was giving the kids their bedtime snack, I looked over at Little M and said, "Boy, my neck is full of knots again." (We've started Phase 1,000,000 of the Great Paint Project!! Ohhhh ceilings!!) She looked at me blankly. To which I responded "I guess that means I have a naughty neck." For some reason, this, combined with the very level look on her face made me laugh until I cried!!! Then she says to me, "It's okay, Mommy. Just breathe, like this." Then she inhaled and exhaled.

... Or I focus on all the things I feel insecure and unsteady about. Suddenly, showing up for church potlucks feels about as right as bathing suit shopping in the same locale that the swimsuit models frequent (all fancy and cellulite-free!!) OR touring Shapes (fitness centre) while the Bomber Girls are working out (now that has actually happened. AWK-WARD! Nothing like working out next to a blond, size 6, super-active cheerleader to deflate the motivation balloon!!!). Oh, cozy insecurity blankey, how much better off life with be without you!!

Maybe, some day, (sooner rather than later would be grrrreat!!) I will get more rest. And in doing so, find my wandering self once again ;).

1 comment:

Chantelle said...

Okay, that naughty neck thing made me laugh, too, and I can totally understand laughing until you cry, especially when you are tired. May the painting miraculously finish itself and may your hubby indulge you in a few quite hours at home WITHOUT BABES so you can start to catch up on that desperately needed sleep!


Related Posts with Thumbnails