Saturday, January 23, 2010

The Waiting Game

The other night, a mini miracle happened :).

Does such thing really exist!? A "mini" miracle :)? Are not all miracles grand just by their very nature :)?

I was tucking the girls into bed at the end of a l.o.n.g. day. Rough. The only thing bigger than Mt. Everest was my massive headache!!!

However, it is in these exact moments that the most precious things occur.

As I turned to leave the girls bedroom, I look and see Sweet K blowing me kisses from beneath her quilts.
My eyes filled with tears. My mother-heart soared.

You see, typically these milestones come at 15-18 months. I have had to wait a lot longer than that this time around! Sweet K is already 31 months old, and has just now decided to start imitating us in this way. For anyone who has walked the journey of development issues, you know what a celebration this can be! Milestones that are so often overlooked are savored; sweet moments like this almost erase the waiting.


The more times I see the world revolve around sun, the more I realize that waiting is h.a.r.d. w.o.r.k. It can be very painful. And isolating. It is among life's toughest lessons, like learning to forgive and learning how to fully live. The weight of waiting can weary the soul, can sap your joy and strength and can distract you from the amazing blessings of life.

Just ask the person who is waiting for blood test results.
Or the person who is longing for health and wholeness.
Or the one seeking emotional healing after an experience with trauma.
Or the lover waiting for a reconciliation that may never come.

We learn to function under the burden, but my growing longing has been to live faith-fully, rather than fear-fully, in life's waiting room. To remain open. Hopeful. Honest. Teachable. 

"The Mother of expectation is patience." Henri Nouwen writes. "Jesus changes our history from a random series of sad incidents and accidents into a constant opportunity for a change of heart. To wait patiently therefore means to allow our weeping and wailing to become the purifying preparation by which we are made ready to receive the joy which is promised to us." - Out of Solitude, Henri Nouwen

A joy that is grounded in Jesus.

Practicing such waiting is really hard work! Some days I'd rather do 200 sit-ups in a row (which seems to me to be very hard work ;P) then learn how to wait well. It means that I need to address and surrender anxiety. It means training my mind not to expect the worst, but to hope for the best (and holding that in tension with the understanding that God's "best" is not what I would always think is "best" :)...). It means learning to live fully in the present, so that I can be reconciled to the past and ready to embrace the future. It means a l.o.t. of prayer! Often. 

But such work is good. Because in it, I encounter God. And learn to lean on his promise.

Do you not know? 

Have you not heard? 
The LORD is the everlasting God, 
   the Creator of the ends of the earth. 
He will not grow tired or weary, 
      and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary 
       and increases the power of the weak.

 Even youths grow tired and weary, 
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD 
will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; 
they will run and not grow weary, 
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

"Whereas patience is the mother of expectation, it is expectation itself that brings new joy."
~ Henri Nouwen ~


Robin Fehr said...

Awww, very sweet K!
I like one of Beth Moore's sayings from our bible study this week.
You cannot amputate your past from your future because they are linked.

Roo said...



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